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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Cancelling the kids plans because he's thrown a wobbler, aibu?

607 replies

Tulipsdaisy · 05/06/2025 21:47

Me, my boyfriend and our respective children (not shared) were supposed to be going away this weekend, from Friday until Sunday evening. Plans were finalised. I made arrangements for somebody to house sit for me and take care of my dog, paid in advance. They moved their schedule around to accommodate me.

Background: together just shy of 16 months. We don't live together. I'm a lone parent of 2 and he has 50/50 joint custody of his 2 with his ex wife. DC introduced at the 12 month mark and get along great. Lovely.

At 9pm this evening he has text saying he needs a break, wants a weekend to himself and would rather do 'no kids' so he's asking his parents to babysit.

I said he was bang out of order springing this on me this late and asked what on earth the matter was.

He said nothing is the matter he has just had enough of his child's attitude. His DC doesn't deserve the trip, he wants a weekend to himself, he's going to bed and 'tomorrow is a new day'

My response to that was: "Well you have a nice sleep, now you've offloaded that onto me and I now have to explain to my (relative dog sitter) and inevitably upset children. Thanks a bunch"

He read that and didn't reply.

He has obviously had some cheek from his DC and now we all have to pay the price. His DC aren't badly behaved, a little bit cheeky now and then but not bad kids whatsoever.

I'm both angry and sad. He hasn't given any thought to everybody else impacted by his wobbler. It's fuck the lot of us.

I'm £50 down the drain (I'm not going to ask for for the dog sitting money back, the relative sitting for me really needed the money and jumped at the chance)

I have to explain to my DC tomorrow morning that it isn't going ahead and they're going to be so disappointed.

There has been some prior instances of him arsing about with existing plans but I don't think I can move past this one as it directly impacts the children.

AIBU to think he's a nasty, selfish dick? And what on earth do I say to the children?

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 05/06/2025 22:25

Tulipsdaisy · 05/06/2025 22:23

I'm going to wait and see what (if anything) he says in the morning before I say anything to anybody about it being cancelled. I'm hoping he wakes up, gives his head a wobble, and says we are going as planned.

I don't think it's likely though, knowing him.

Esp now he'll assume I'll have already told everyone it's off.

even if you’re waiting come up with a back up plan but if you are having doubts about him as a partner you should do your own thing anyway.

Subbyhubby · 05/06/2025 22:25

ohyesido · 05/06/2025 22:15

Well what a selfish wanker. Does he often do this?

Is he selfish though? It’s his work perk? It’s sorta up to him tp do what he wants with it? Or if I were op I would have just gone without him

Tulipsdaisy · 05/06/2025 22:25

Kids are 9 and 11 (mine) and his are a couple of years younger.

Thank you for the ideas I'll definitely take them into consideration when deciding what to do with the weekend now.

OP posts:
Pomegranatecarnage · 05/06/2025 22:28

That’s really mean and selfish of him. I’d be rethinking the relationship. It’s also shitty to get his parents to babysit on his weekend with the kids. I hope you manage to have a good weekend without him.

Loopytiles · 05/06/2025 22:28

That’s shit he’s let you down (again) and now your DC down because they can’t do the thing that’s a perk of his job. Selfish.

VivIsBlonde · 05/06/2025 22:29

Sod waiting for him!
id be going elsewhere regardless!
Put your children first before anyone else!!!

ChaliceinWonderland · 05/06/2025 22:29

Obviously just ignore him anc go out with your boys anyway
You can have more fun If you make it fun.
Never speak about trips again to him, he is a loser and has shown his true colours,

ObtuseMoose · 05/06/2025 22:29

Tulipsdaisy · 05/06/2025 22:23

I'm going to wait and see what (if anything) he says in the morning before I say anything to anybody about it being cancelled. I'm hoping he wakes up, gives his head a wobble, and says we are going as planned.

I don't think it's likely though, knowing him.

Esp now he'll assume I'll have already told everyone it's off.

But why would you want to go with him? Surely his arsey attitude has already spoilt the weekend!

Dramatic · 05/06/2025 22:30

You might be able to get a cheap weekend at Haven or Parkdean instead. He's a prick for doing that to your kids (and his own)

Velvian · 05/06/2025 22:31

Still take your DC away. Can you manage a day trip and a Travelodge @Tulipsdaisy ?

camshaft · 05/06/2025 22:32

I agree with the others… don’t let his shitty attitude ruin your weekend plans. Find something else to do, use the dog sitter and throw all your energy into having a wonderful time with your kids xxx

Vaxtable · 05/06/2025 22:34

I said YABU. Because you are by cancelling the plans

just go without him and leave him to his alone time. I wouldn’t even contact him

outerspacepotato · 05/06/2025 22:35

Send him🖕and block him. He's a selfish dick who flakes on you way too much. I'd be done as this isn't the the first time.

Do something great with your kids and have a good weekend.

Catpuss66 · 05/06/2025 22:35

Just go away without him. Don’t ruin it for the children Airbnb for the night to the beach.

Tulipsdaisy · 05/06/2025 22:36

The main issue I have with him about this is how little thought he has given to how him cancelling last minute impacts us, plus his delivery.

If he'd have said something like "I'm really sorry to do this and I know it's awfully late notice for you and your DC" and so forth, I'd have tried to empathise (whilst still being annoyed - but definitely less so than I am right now)

It's reminding me of other occasions I've noticed his tendency to be selfish, and I'm thinking it doesn't bode well for the future.

OP posts:
DepositSaverUpper · 05/06/2025 22:39

He's selfish . Not the first time he's let you down like this ? In such a new relationship. RUN

Tulipsdaisy · 05/06/2025 22:40

I'm definitely going to do something with my boys, I'll salvage the weekend for them regardless. We live within driving distance of a theme park they haven't been to yet so that is also an option.

OP posts:
camshaft · 05/06/2025 22:42

@Tulipsdaisy get to the theme park! Don’t give him a second thought until after the weekend. Focus on your boys and your happiness xx

Amelie2025 · 05/06/2025 22:42

It doesn't bode well for the future.

he's supposed to be an adult. He's chosen to let your kids down because he can't be arsed going now. It's not good enough.

If you can afford it, I'd book something else & have a great weekend with your kids (it doesn't need to be expensive!)

his attitude is shit & the way he told you. I'd be ignoring him until next week, & decide if I still wanted to be with him while I'm away.

Amelie2025 · 05/06/2025 22:44

x posted with you. You know your kids. Do whatever will make them happy. But especially with having organised a sitter for the fig, I'd go away overnight

sheknowsitstoolate · 05/06/2025 22:45

Fuck the weekend off now even if he does wake up and change his mind. He sounds like a twat. Tell him you’re busy anyway so it doesn’t matter.

socialdilemmawhattodo · 05/06/2025 23:00

Although it's a perk of his job, can he not authorise you to go on your own? If he was ill and presumably couldn't go would work expect the trip to be cancelled for everyone? He might need to contact some one tomorrow.

alcoholnightmare · 05/06/2025 23:09

socialdilemmawhattodo · 05/06/2025 23:00

Although it's a perk of his job, can he not authorise you to go on your own? If he was ill and presumably couldn't go would work expect the trip to be cancelled for everyone? He might need to contact some one tomorrow.

This is a very very good point

Tulipsdaisy · 05/06/2025 23:26

I agree it's a good point and not something I considered. I would have thought if it were possible for us to go without him he would have mentioned that to soften the blow when cancelling? I will find out

OP posts:
littleblackdress26 · 05/06/2025 23:34

That kind of behaviour is enough to make me switch off completely and it would be the end .

You should be annoyed at him doing it you on those separate occasions as well as now.

You want a dependable partner, going forward how can you fully trust any plans he makes or you make together.
There would always be that little seed of doubt .

He sounds like a child.

Fuck that

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