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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Cancelling the kids plans because he's thrown a wobbler, aibu?

607 replies

Tulipsdaisy · 05/06/2025 21:47

Me, my boyfriend and our respective children (not shared) were supposed to be going away this weekend, from Friday until Sunday evening. Plans were finalised. I made arrangements for somebody to house sit for me and take care of my dog, paid in advance. They moved their schedule around to accommodate me.

Background: together just shy of 16 months. We don't live together. I'm a lone parent of 2 and he has 50/50 joint custody of his 2 with his ex wife. DC introduced at the 12 month mark and get along great. Lovely.

At 9pm this evening he has text saying he needs a break, wants a weekend to himself and would rather do 'no kids' so he's asking his parents to babysit.

I said he was bang out of order springing this on me this late and asked what on earth the matter was.

He said nothing is the matter he has just had enough of his child's attitude. His DC doesn't deserve the trip, he wants a weekend to himself, he's going to bed and 'tomorrow is a new day'

My response to that was: "Well you have a nice sleep, now you've offloaded that onto me and I now have to explain to my (relative dog sitter) and inevitably upset children. Thanks a bunch"

He read that and didn't reply.

He has obviously had some cheek from his DC and now we all have to pay the price. His DC aren't badly behaved, a little bit cheeky now and then but not bad kids whatsoever.

I'm both angry and sad. He hasn't given any thought to everybody else impacted by his wobbler. It's fuck the lot of us.

I'm £50 down the drain (I'm not going to ask for for the dog sitting money back, the relative sitting for me really needed the money and jumped at the chance)

I have to explain to my DC tomorrow morning that it isn't going ahead and they're going to be so disappointed.

There has been some prior instances of him arsing about with existing plans but I don't think I can move past this one as it directly impacts the children.

AIBU to think he's a nasty, selfish dick? And what on earth do I say to the children?

OP posts:
Macklemup · 12/06/2025 09:27

Fitasafiddle1 · 12/06/2025 07:56

Drama?! Honestly that must have made you snort op! No self awareness on his part at all…. Staggering.

He was expecting to see you sad, maybe broken, pining for him. He was expecting you to go running back. He is doubting himself now, he thought he had you figured out and sewn up. Your confidence and indifference has thrown him.

He will try to get in touch now. You will become a challenge to win back. You are handling him brilliantly. Standing back and observing always works.

Have the best time at the hen this weekend, what good timing!

You have lobbed him back in the sea where he belongs. Your children are extremely lucky to have such a strong and intelligent mother. All the best op 💪🏻

Agree.
Also that it may indeed have been to ruin your weekend away.

YOU HAVE taken his peace and caused him drama, the fxxker.
He will be deeply unhappy and pissed off how that went, and will be disbelieving that he so underestimated you.

I too bet he will try to contact you again, to win you back, but to punish you.

Well done for seeing through him and most importantly taking action.
So refreshing on here.

Not to waffle on about being endlessly confused by shit behaviour and tolerating it.

He is not happy and this will absolutely sting.
I bet his Ex had a dogs life with him.
If you ever can get it back to her what a total wanker and loser he is, do it.
She'd probably toast you.

Enjoy your weekend away.

Tulipsdaisy · 12/06/2025 09:42

Now that's a thought that is entirely possible given what he turned out like, he may well have orchestrated the whole thing to ruin my weekend.

He tried to imply he forgot I was going away and asked how long for. Did he bollocks forget.

It's bizarre how these men behave in the lead up to you going somewhere, if they had any sense they'd do the opposite and make sure you're going being on good terms (given that the worry is cheating or meeting another man, behaving like a dick is only more likely to result in what they're worried about, surely!)

OP posts:
Nikki75 · 12/06/2025 10:32

Good on you for just cracking on with your day.
His behaviour tells you so much about who he is how he deals with situations he is emotionally immature no regard for the kids I mean how sad is that you have no chance if he can punish all the kids this way what a parent.
You have so done the right thing never look back and listen to Mel Robin's I have this on audible she is really good .
Good luck with your future and look forward to happy times ahead without this man child x

SlowestHorse · 12/06/2025 10:43

Just to say I lived with one of these men for nearly 12 years and am always so pleased when one of them is spotted and called out for what they are. I could have written his dialogue, which is terrifying. Bloody well done, OP.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 13/06/2025 00:03

Nice to have a bit of closure like this. Enjoy your weekend.

MiddleClassProblem · 13/06/2025 09:32

Tulipsdaisy · 11/06/2025 23:48

Oh! And to add..

The CF remarked that he loved seeing and spending time with me but didn't like "all this drama" as if I am the one who caused it 😂

Thank god I'm now well versed in the mental gymnastics of narcissism (I've done SO much reading) as had I not seen it for what it was, I might have bit and lost the moral high ground.

So yeah. All control, manipulation, trying to regain the upper hand etc. He doesn't have a sincere bone in his body. Good riddance to bad rubbish, I'm going to have an absolute ball at this hen on the weekend 🥳

Great closure. Well done 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

GabriellaMontez · 13/06/2025 12:11

"all this drama"

Code for 'you having standards for yourself and being prepared to articulate and live by them'.

I think he's looking for someone a little more 'put up and shut up'.

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