To not want my parents to go in my bedroom (I'm 33 yrs old)

[Gummybearmum]

My parents have started looking after my 1 year old son one day a week so I can work. Both times they've been into mine and my partners bedroom. First time they said my baby crawled into there, so they went to get him out. Second time there was a little pile of clean laundry on our bed, when I came home mum had ironed it. I thanked her, as I know she's only trying to help, but she shouldn't have even known it was there. My partner really doesn't like it, he says it's our personal space. I agree but have no idea how to say to them..

Put a lock on the door! No need to say anything.

I don't see the issue really. Any visitors can go in our bedroom, it's not like they're sleeping in the bed.

Think you’re being ridiculous unless you think they’re snooping but if they were that way inclined why have them at your house. Fact is saying to them don’t go in there, if they wanted to, wouldn’t stop them.

This is ott IMO.

If you are that fussed pay for childcare and contain your mother to the ground floor.

She did ironing for you because she loves you and to make your life easier.
Take it in the spirit it was intended

I think you’re being unreasonable in this situation. If they’d been through the drawers, different story, but in and out, surface level seems fine.

Maybe your mum likes jobs to do while they’re at your house - mine did. Make the most of that!

They're not your staff. Get your partner to pay someone to mind your child then you can make as many rules as you like.

Put your son into childcare then?

honestly the batshit nonsensical rules pejole try to enforce upon their own parents offering free childcare is wild.

Also you trust them with your child but not with your room?

If the door is open I don't see how your mum is meant to know not to go in there. She probably was passing, saw the laundry and thought she was doing you a favour.

Just keep the door shut.

What's so secret or sacred in your room?

Don't you hate it when the free childcare and housekeeping services think they have the run of the place?

Yeh I do think maybe I am being unreasonable as mum always used to snoop when I was a teenager and in my 20s and living at home. She went through everything and opened mail. We didn't even get private space in the bathroom 😅 so think it maybe just touched a nerve.
I am very grateful to them for helping with my son so I can work one day a week.

Unless you're trying to hide a 50 shades style dungeon, I can't see the problem. She is helping you when she could be off enjoying her life. Sure ironing your smalls isn't her idea of fun either but she obviously wants to make your life a little easier.

@Noshadelamp the door was shut after last week

I dont think its unreasonable at all to expect them not to go in there unless they specifically need to.
I think bedrooms are your private space, I never go wondering around anybody's home. I would only go into a room if I was invited in or asked to go in.
I'd close your bedroom door and see how it goes. If they go into your room again then I'd just politely say mum could you not go into my room please, I may have personal things laying about.

This wouldn’t bother me at all. And your mum has done you a favour by trying to help. If you don’t want her to, just pay for childcare. Or just tell her not to go in your room…

Agree. If you both have an issue with it, pay for childcare.

My stepmother in law has done this, including putting clothes away, and I hate it.

Can you say something to your parents like this
"Mum and Dad, we are so grateful for everything you do, but we would ask please that you don't come into our bedroom while you are here. I sometimes leave washing or dirty clothes lying about and I don't want you to see my mess in my and DP's private space. It feels very intrusive, and that might seem silly but it is DP's space too. It was very kind of you to do the ironing, but I would rather you focused on my DC. If she's crawling, it's better there aren't hot irons around."

You might not have a problem with your mum, but OP - and her DP - are entitlef to have their own boundaries, no?

The rare trip inside your bedroom is a small price to pay for free childcare, who come to your house, allowing you to work (with bonus ironing thrown in) … and I’m guessing it’s not just the ironing they look after.

Ungrateful isn’t the word … if you are that bothered get paid for childcare.

I wouldn't like that either. I also think a bedroom is a private space. I don't turn up at my parents house and start wandering into their bedroom. Can she have your son at her house instead of yours? I'd be too distracted to work with both at my house.

Thank you to the people who have kindly told me I'm being unreasonable. There really is no reason to be unkind, you never know what people have beeb through or are going through.

Growing up, myself and my siblings weren't allowed any privacy. Into our 20s our parents would often come into the bathroom while we were in the bath to put into context. Mum knew everything in my room, there was no keeping notes from boys in that room 😆 she also opened mail until I was in my 20s. So I think it's just taken me back to that, where I've been used to having my own space.

Yeah. But then they should pay for childcare.

You knew she was nosy before you asked her to babysit, nosy parents don't change, keep stuff you don't want her to see hidden/locked away and leave her to it , you could maybe have her watch the baby at her house if you think it's too much temptation at yours

Keep the door closed
that will mean baby can’t crawl in there
thank mum profusely for doing laundry and say you like it to be left in the spare bedroom or if you don’t have one, the nursery