To not want my parents to go in my bedroom (I'm 33 yrs old)

[Gummybearmum]

My parents have started looking after my 1 year old son one day a week so I can work. Both times they've been into mine and my partners bedroom. First time they said my baby crawled into there, so they went to get him out. Second time there was a little pile of clean laundry on our bed, when I came home mum had ironed it. I thanked her, as I know she's only trying to help, but she shouldn't have even known it was there. My partner really doesn't like it, he says it's our personal space. I agree but have no idea how to say to them..

Have you heard of this thing called privacy?

Notes in your drawers saying stay out. She will be looking. You know it.

Time to be direct. Mum, appreciate you doing the ironing, but I really need you to stay out of our room so I will leave it downstairs for you.
(Even if you don't really want her doing it, it removes the excuse from her).

Blame your partner if you have to. Say that he feels uncomfortable with his MIL in his space, which he does.

No real secrets in our bedroom, but things I'm sure my own mum wouldn't want to see 😆 and which I'm sure my partner wouldn't want her to see!

U.n.g.r.a.t.e.f.u.l

I wouldn't want anyone in my room either, especially if they've got a history of snooping. A lock would do the trick.

Well, if she wouldn't want to see them then leave them out on display, like nosy mum repellent.

Family therapy time! Or at least a sit down and chat with your mum about your strange childhood that you don’t want to replicate. Worth doing now before DC gets older. You don’t want grandma and grandad walking in at bath time when they are hitting puberty and so on. So odd, but like you say she had an odd/difficult upbringing - what was dad’s excuse for entering your private spaces (in the bath?!) Did they ban you from using locks on bathrooms?

This kind of thing is designed to put a wedge between the OP and her parents. Esp this: ‘was very kind of you to do the ironing, but I would rather you focused on my DC’.

It will piss them off and sounds like a lecture. It’s up to the OP whether or not she thinks it’s worth risking it.

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. I'm probably your mother's age and there is no way I would go into my DD and DSILs bedroom (or anyone else's) unless there was a specific reason.
It's basic manners and basic respect of boundaries.
Just ask her not to go in there, alternatively you could buy a huge vibrator and leave it on the bed.

I don’t think YABU. Her providing childcare doesn’t mean she has an excuse to riffle through your house.

No need to be in your bedroom if the door is shut imo. I would be very unhappy if my Mum did that, but I also know she wouldn’t because she’s aware of a thing called privacy.

OP, I think your mum's lack of boundaries when you were younger were awful.

You must be stuck to be using her because I wouldn't want her near my home.

Its a tricky one.
Very controlling that you can't say anything about HER behaviour because SHE might get upset.

Way to control things.
Really unhealthy.

@Ninkynonkpinkyponks don’t you have knickers on the floor, vibrators on the bed, old used condoms chucked by the bin, mental health medication on the bedside table, emigration plans for Australia and love letters from previous lovers stuffed in a drawer, sexting messages pinging up on your iPad by the bed, sexy negligee draped on a chair etc? 😉

What have you been doing with your life if you haven’t been enjoying some fun that you don’t want your mum to see?!

Nice drip feed there OP.

Oh it gets much worse than that

Rubbish, she's just providing more context.

I understand your feelings, your parents have never respected your privacy and never will. You know this about them so the only choice is to pay for professional childcare and take their spare key off them if they can't be trusted. Harsh but true and I speak from experience.

No, it's a drip feed, as are her later posts.

YANBU at all and I’m really surprised by some of the answers. Just because you’re her daughter doesn’t mean you’re no longer entitled to privacy or to enforce boundaries.

You really can't understand why someone wants some private space?

I don't know why you are being so arsey about it?

@Dangermoo I can't write my whole family past down in one post, it would be the length of a novel and no one would read it

Yes and relevance of being 33 years old in thread title? Click bait.

It isn't drip feeding the op just elaborated again why are you so arsey about it?

I’d be tempted to mess with her head:

• Lots of dildos lined up on the dressing table
• A ‘secret’ diary full of erotic fan fiction about you, Ant and Dec
• A ‘letter’ telling you the results of DNA tests that reveal your dad is not your dad
• An mysterious urn filled with ashes and a note that says ‘I will always love you’
• ENORMOUS, and I mean ENORMOUS pants
• A penis enlarger
• A book about staying safe while swinging
• A partially completed application form for your DH to join Magic Mike with some accompanying photos of him in saucy undergarments.

You could really have a lot of fun with it.

This would upset me too op. Some people don't seem to care about privacy around bedrooms but if it matters to you, then it matters. Personally I would get a lock.