To not want my parents to go in my bedroom (I'm 33 yrs old)

[Gummybearmum]

My parents have started looking after my 1 year old son one day a week so I can work. Both times they've been into mine and my partners bedroom. First time they said my baby crawled into there, so they went to get him out. Second time there was a little pile of clean laundry on our bed, when I came home mum had ironed it. I thanked her, as I know she's only trying to help, but she shouldn't have even known it was there. My partner really doesn't like it, he says it's our personal space. I agree but have no idea how to say to them..

She obviously thinks you aren’t coping as you aren’t paying for childcare and not keeping up with your housework. Either accept her help or pay for childcare, if you use people you pay in other ways.

given your updates she will definitely snoop, given a chance!! Lock on the bedroom door. No important mail left hanging about! Not great all this backstory wasn’t on original OP as it puts a totally different slant on things. And it is not normal for parents to just walk in while adult child is in the bath! No lock on that door either??

Why don't you put a lock on the door. That way you don't have to say anything to them. My mum would never go into my room as I would never go into hers either

Maybe they have toys they don't want people to see..... just put a lock on the door and say it's too keep little one out. Get one of them twist key security lock things and take the key away. Then u don't look crazy with a padlock on thr door

I know someone who's mother in-law use to do this, but on purpose to be nosey. They knew she was going into their room as they'd hear the door creaking, it was the only door that creaked. One Sunday, when they were over, mother in law went for her usual nose into their bedroom. They heard her loudly gasp, came down stairs and made an excuse to leave. It turned out that wife had left a bondage outfit on the bed, gimp mask, whips the lot. She never went in again.

Lol is this for real, literally anybody family or friend can go in any room in our house and welcome to wether to watch tv, have a lie down or whatever. Bonkers

I wish our grandparents wanted to have our kids. It's happened twice in four years 😂 and ironing too ❤️.. I'd be leaving every door open, she sounds great.

But everyone is different and it sounds like it's upsetting you. If so, just close the doors or add a lock. I wouldn't mention it.

I think it's very rude to just go into someone else's bedroom without asking. But it sounds as if she's doing it on purpose with the false reason that she only did it so she could do the ironing

It sounds like it's your partner that has the issue and not you, so may be your partner should deal with it. I can't think of any reason why you wouldn't want your parents looking in your room. Do you think they'll steal something, or find your bondage gear or some such? At the end of the day, there's a simple solution, pay for a child minder, end of your 'problem'.

A marital bed and bedroom not private? Really? Is no one allowed anywhere that is private in their own home?

agree!

If it was that bad why on earth were you still living there in your 20s? Maybe the fa t you put up with that as an adult makes her think it's not a big deal

Honestly, if my parents were babysitting for me, for free, my only concern would be to make sure my bed was clean and tidy incase they needed a nap while my child did.
I can't imagine being annoyed at them for doing ironing and brining it to my room.
I guess everyone's relationship is different but if you can trust them with your CHILD in your home, then what's in your room that's so secret?!?

I have my grandson 2 days pw. I actually feel awkward, if I go into their bedroom...& only go in when necessary (if I can't see certain things I need for baby downstairs...or to put little man to sleep, if I have him in an evening).
I totally agree that your bedroom is your private space. You're not being unreasonable, if there was no reason for her to enter. (I do tend to help with a few chores...but its only downstairs jobs I do).

I remember when DD was small, MIL tried everything in the book to get in our house - she was always welcome but FIL had dementia and it was her way of getting him out of the house. It was too stressful for me being a new mum, I needed to chill and rest not be wound up & play babysitter to them. They never came when DH was at home, mind you he was neither use nor ornament as far as helping out with DD/housework was concerned. His bright idea was saying that his mum had asked for a key to the house so that she could come & do chores without having to disturb me - no, no, no definately not. He was just trying to lighten his own load & keep his mum happy.

I left him when DD was 3, useless piece of 💩

I had a tumultous childhood, for many reason but my mum played a big part. Even though i did love my mum and I had a strong sense of duty towards her she used to annoy me

When I visit her abroad she would go to my wardrobe in the bedroom of her home that I am using. She would organise my shirts and trousers in grouos, then she would go into the drawers ans organise my socks and underwear. Then she would go the thr dresser and organise my loose change currency notes and any receipts.

It used to annoy the sh*t out of me, in my mind she was treating me like a little boy and saying that you can’t cope on your own. I left home at seventeen I can, I live on my own, I can cope and I am very organised, but when I’m away I like to slob out a bit.

When I relayed the above to my best friend, he said to me. ‘ You’ll miss her when she’s gone! He then went on to say. My mother and I used to clash terribly, we often had arguments. He further added, now she has since passed away , and I really miss her now she’s gone.

Well that made me step back and think, instead of being being like a petulant little boy inside, I started to do more for my mother than I already do. Instead of focusing on my childhood I started to focus on hers as a poverty stricken child in the mountains of Cyprus, crapping in a hole in the ground, using smooth pebbles and leaves to clean herself afterwards, no shoes and married at sixteen to escape my alcoholic abuse grandfather.

What my mother is trying to do by interfering with my stuff is trying to be the mother to me at eighty three years old that she could not be when she was seventeen years old when she had me

Im not a mummies boy, far from it, but my mother had always been there for me to talk to, the only woman ever had been.

I if she wasn’t to play about with my belongings then she’s welcome, is she’s wanted to do my ironing I know it’s because she’s wants to blow me and show love

If this is all you and your partner have to worry and moan about in life then you really don’t have many problems.

Love and cherish your mum, because you'll miss her when she’s gone!

Exactly

I don’t think YABU but that’s based on my relationship with my parents.

Why do people say things like, if this is all you have to worry about when posters never suggest this is the only thing they have to worry about. As a parent of 1 year old I'm sure OP is a bag of worries. How condescending.

I suppose OP should miss having her teenage room rifled through and being unable to take a bath without being walked in on, in her 20s! as well her parents asking her to go in to the bathroom while they were naked in the bathroom. You mean that sort of missing someone? Should she just try to understand her parents and ignore her own basic, human, decent boundaries?

But that's you and if that's true, you have no boundaries. Most peoplehave boundaries and everyone has a right to privacy. The price to pay for childcare and ironing and is not to relinquish your privacy. Why would it be?

So you want free childcare from your mum but dont want her in certain rooms?

If she was rummaging through your stuff, then YANBU but she did ironing for you. Rather ungrateful. If you dont like her going in certain rooms, pay for childcare privately somewhere that's away from your home.

Problem solved.

Have you ever addressed this with them?

You've obviously had a slightly different upbringing than most on here. I'm sure they're nice people i. Your eyes, never harmed you, but in some ways they have harmed you by controlling your childhood, teen years and young adult life. Whatever they have been through as children themselves, doesn't mean this has to reflect on you. You clearly have issues with them which is completely understandable.

Have some strong words with them. Their house rules are theirs, not yours and your rules are yours. Its your house and ask them not to go in your room, if they go against this or if your mum starts to cry or they argue back strongly rethink your childcare as they sound controlling, but in a soft way.

Stand your grou d, tell them kindly but firmly that they are not allowed in your bedroom and go from there. It's your life and your partner and child's.

I would have loved to have had some help from my parents or his parents when our children were small. Mine lived 6 hours away, his mother was disabled. I'd have put up with virtually anything to have had that luxury and would have worked round it. How much does a lock for the bedroom cost if you're that bothered?

Free childcare is never free. Stop asking them to babysit.

So unfair. Your parents love you and are trying to make your life easier. Hide anything embarrassing such as sex touys ....