Leisure centre manager had a pop at me… and I can’t get it out of my head!

[ForestMum2020]

I just want to have a moan / get this off my chest I think.

I take my 2 year old twins to a gymnastics class at a leisure centre. The centre has a big soft play which we have to walk round to get to the class, and it’s all glass panels so the soft play is totally in view. There’s a gate at the back of the soft play next to the class.

At the end of their first lesson back in September, they asked to go in the soft play. The other mums from the class used the back gate to go in. So, I said yes to the girls, we went through the back gate, and I asked one of the other mums what the deal was. She just shrugged and said it was fine, they do it every week and no one has said anything. There’s only ever a couple of other people using it, and the reception looks into soft play, so there’s no way the centre weren’t aware.

Fast forward to now (9 months later) and we’ve been going into the soft play after every lesson. Nowadays the twins will play for all of five minutes, then come out and eat lunch, then go back in for five minutes and we go home. It’s a lovely easy routine for us.

Today, the manager approached me and said I shouldn’t be in there. I’d not paid to use the facility and she’s aware this has been going on for some time. She didn’t say anything to any of the other gym class mums. I apologised profusely and said I genuinely didn’t think the centre were bothered because it’s so empty and all the mums do it. She got quite rude, but she wasn’t aggressive. So I just apologised again and packed up our stuff. She asked me to make sure I paid on the way out so I did (£16! Not cheap!).

I just can’t shake how mortified I am. And frustrated. I’m such a rule follower and I let my guard down under the excuse of “everyone else was doing it!”

I’ve cancelled my membership to the class and shan’t go back. I hate that the manager had been watching me for some time and clearly took issue with me over the other mums for some reason. I just wish someone at reception had said at some stage “make sure you pay for the soft play if you’re headed in there!”.

But I also hate myself for wanting to never go back. I find it hard to do much with the twins and this was working so well. I’ve cut my nose off to spite my face.

How do I stop myself overthinking this whole thing??

Well, you've taken the absolute piss for nine months so good on them for a) giving you the benefit of the doubt initially and b) calling you out on it when it became apparent you expected free use of facilities everyone else has to pay for.

No idea how some people can think you aren't being unreasonable, you've taken the piss for months. You deserved telling off, and you said she only got rude after you said you thought it was fine because everyone else was doing it too, well I'm not surprised!!! What a CF!

How do you know the other mums weren’t paying on either the way in or way out? Surely you must’ve known it was an additional cost?

Well, you are the classic adult peer pressure case -- you meekly accepted the other parents' assurance that it was fine, they always did it, and, months later, you got your wrist smacked. Chalk it up to experience. I don't see why you're punishing your children by taking them out of the gymnastics class, though.

ETA: Why don't you see it as a full nine months of saving £16 a week?

Has she really been taking the piss though?

Sounds like the soft play was nearly empty, other mums from the gym class were doing it, and her kids were only in there for a few minutes after a class she'd presumably paid for.

The manager seems to lack people skills. But some people just love to stick the boot in, don't they?

Surely you knew there was a charge to use the soft play. The fact that other mums do the same and you’ve been doing it for 9 months without someone approaching you about it is no defence really.
You took a chance and it’s kind of backfired on you.
The manager won’t really care - they’ll have forgotten about it in the grand scheme of things. I think you’re being a bit dramatic to cancel everything and never go back especially if your DCs love the group.
Take a deep breath and move on. Rejoin the club and put your DCs at the centre of this rather than your embarrassment. The way you feel today will pass.

Of course she was. It's not a free area open to those who are taking classes at the centre, it's a soft play. That you pay for, like all soft plays.

I’m voting that you are being unreasonable. Not because of using the Soft Play but because of cancelling your twin’s gymnastics class. That’s just utterly ridiculous and mean.

Bit of an overreaction when you know you’ve been chancing it. Oops didn’t realise, sorry I’ll pay now would have sufficed. And then you could keep going to the gym class the kids enjoy.

How was the manager lacking people skills? She had every right to intervene….and the other parents probably paid as they arrived or on exit!

Sorry to clarify: I double checked way back in September when I initially asked, and I was sat with two of them today so when she was out of earshot I asked them again.

And I’d wondered whether they expected additional payment. I pay a membership to the club, and there’s no signs or wrist bands etc so I was merrily assuming. Which I’m not quibbling that I was stupid to do! I should have actually checked.

Why have you cancelled the class? It sounds like it’s something your kids enjoy so seems a bit of an over-reaction.

Youve had 9 months of using the soft play for a total of £18 which is really cheap. You thought it was OK to use it but now they’ve advised it isn’t so you know and can opt to either not use it or pay going forwards. All you are doing by cancelling is preventing your kids doing an activity they like doing.

Oh good grief. Get your twins back into their class. Don’t go in the back gate anymore. Every once in a while pay and go through the front gate.

Just like my mum used to tell me when I was a teenager. “ You have terrible luck and it doesn’t matter if your friends don’t get caught doing something wrong you will!” She was correct , I had terrible luck and would always be the caught breaking a rule!

I’d rejoin the gym class but it will be hard preventing your toddlers from going to the soft play afterwards because they’re so used to it. £16 is steep unless you stay for a good hour.

You are being a drama llama

Yes you were trusting to take the other mum’s word for it that everyone does it and it’s no big deal, but…The leisure centre manger was unprofessional for not quietly pointing out way before now that you needed to pay and just going straight for the jugular, that would have been the most sympathetic route.
The other mums must have paid (and probably dobbed you in rather than mention it to you, nice).
It’s over and done with; park it in experience to not take the word of some other visitor. There will be other classes in other facilities.

You're overreacting.
Your children are missing out on a class now because of this overreaction.
The manager was doing her job.

I voted the same, for the same reason!

We had a very similar situation, also at a gymnastics class! We used to eat tea at the soft play cafe and I'd let them go in the soft play while we waited for food. Then, 1 day after months of this, we were told we should have been paying to use the soft play. We apologised, paid for that time and never ate there again. It was easily £15 food per week. We went to paying nothing.

Maybe you could enact similar revenge?

(I've also been told by other mums that they don't pay....only to discover weeks later that they were paying.)

Meh I wouldn’t get worked up over it op. And ignore the sanctimonious replies above too, people love to stick the boot in at any perceived rule breaking on MN, however trivial. The fact is they singled you out when lots of other parents are doing it and have been doing it for longer. Seems unfair to me.

Bit over reaction silly to cancel their gym session
manager should have been firm but polite and should have told everyone off but maybe she didn’t see them or some other reason

shrug it off no biggie

I think your cancelling their classes is unreasonable. You messed up, manager was upset because from their perspective you were taking the mick sneaking 2 children in.

Are you also the parent who gets upset if a coach asks your child to listen to them?

No argument from me.

I wish I was the sort of person to shrug this stuff off. I used to be. I have no idea how now! I have horrible social anxiety. I became a mum during covid (to their older sibling) and now work from home, so I think I my minimal in-face social interactions for the last 5 years have done a real number on me!

Are you never planning on going back to the leisure centre?
Surely the kids will need it in the future.
Reinstate their membership and write it down as a new experience!

I think those other mums stitched you up, how come they dont pay either and the manager only moaned at you? Maybe they all actually pay? Or the manager took a disliking to you and decided to make an example of you? Was she young? You do get a lot of young jobsworth power trip type kids working as "managers" at leisure centres IME.