Leisure centre manager had a pop at me… and I can’t get it out of my head!

[ForestMum2020]

I just want to have a moan / get this off my chest I think.

I take my 2 year old twins to a gymnastics class at a leisure centre. The centre has a big soft play which we have to walk round to get to the class, and it’s all glass panels so the soft play is totally in view. There’s a gate at the back of the soft play next to the class.

At the end of their first lesson back in September, they asked to go in the soft play. The other mums from the class used the back gate to go in. So, I said yes to the girls, we went through the back gate, and I asked one of the other mums what the deal was. She just shrugged and said it was fine, they do it every week and no one has said anything. There’s only ever a couple of other people using it, and the reception looks into soft play, so there’s no way the centre weren’t aware.

Fast forward to now (9 months later) and we’ve been going into the soft play after every lesson. Nowadays the twins will play for all of five minutes, then come out and eat lunch, then go back in for five minutes and we go home. It’s a lovely easy routine for us.

Today, the manager approached me and said I shouldn’t be in there. I’d not paid to use the facility and she’s aware this has been going on for some time. She didn’t say anything to any of the other gym class mums. I apologised profusely and said I genuinely didn’t think the centre were bothered because it’s so empty and all the mums do it. She got quite rude, but she wasn’t aggressive. So I just apologised again and packed up our stuff. She asked me to make sure I paid on the way out so I did (£16! Not cheap!).

I just can’t shake how mortified I am. And frustrated. I’m such a rule follower and I let my guard down under the excuse of “everyone else was doing it!”

I’ve cancelled my membership to the class and shan’t go back. I hate that the manager had been watching me for some time and clearly took issue with me over the other mums for some reason. I just wish someone at reception had said at some stage “make sure you pay for the soft play if you’re headed in there!”.

But I also hate myself for wanting to never go back. I find it hard to do much with the twins and this was working so well. I’ve cut my nose off to spite my face.

How do I stop myself overthinking this whole thing??

Or the other families could have an all-inclusive membership or something which the OP doesn't know about.

You are projecting hate onto her when you are the one massively in the wrong.

How do you know? You just got up and left?

or do you have their contact numbers?

I think you need to rejoin for your own sake. What if an embarrassing situation happens again when they’re older? What will you do? Move schools? Ignore their best friend’s parents forever? Stop their favourite hobby?

Shit happens but you’ve had 9 months of free soft play, surely that’s a bonus!

I know from when my son was that age, if I took him to the gymnastics class and then said he could not go into the softplay afterwards (having had that routine of class, followed by softplay), there would have been some reaction from him! So I would do the same as you - there are other things they will enjoy!

My maths isn’t great but £16 a week for 9 months is close to £600?

I can see why they are annoyed at you for losing that revenue.

Just own it OP ffs.

People do much worse. What's really admirable and will give you confidence is just own it and say with absolute confidence. Ah no problem,I totally understand, what do I pay.

I would have real respect for that. Other people might be CFs so why does that mean you should. I have to have these conversations with my teenager. That being, people do all sorts and I'm never using them as a barometer for my behaviour. Even if 90% of people do it. I don't give a fudge.

It's not the worst thing but your response is making it such. The gym manager is right. Be gracious,be mature,be confident and cheery and own it yet laugh it off. ' she's probably got a point. Had a free ride for a while '. She might have targeted you but you can go back and show integrity the other CFs might lack. Don't bring it up with them. Talk about mundane crap.

Enrol your kids back in their class. Go back in, smile, no bitterness and move on. You'll be old fishpaper news soon enough.

We used to go to a class at a soft play centre. We paid for the class, but use of the soft play was included. We would spend the whole morning there. It seems bizarre that the soft play didn't have a supervised entrance or at least a sign saying that it wasn't free for class members.

I don't think yabu actually op, I think the main problem here is that she singled you out, had she addressed the whole group or told the other mums separately to you then I bet you wouldn't feel half as embarrassed about it. I don't see why you're the only one getting pulled up about it

Imagine your child had been evading train ticket inspector, with a total evasion cost of £600…. What would your advice be op?

But if you've been bunking in the soft play weekly for 9 months they've lost about £600. If all the other mums at gymnastics have been doing this as well it's a substantial amount. Surely you can see that's unreasonable. How are they supposed to stay open when noone us paying? You should have checked at the front desk not taken a shrug from another mum as a green light. You know you're in the wrong but don't like that you've been caught. Accept it and pay your way in future. Cancelling your kids gymnastics because you're embarrassed is really shit. Why punish them for your error? Grow up

If that was my business I would more p*ssed that the manager had done nothing but watch for 9 months tbh. Manager should have been on this straight away.

It’s almost like they trust their customers to not take advantage!

This is the only reaction the other mums saw. They watched and heard me politely apologise, explain, confirm it wouldn’t happen again, and confirm I’d pay on my way out. The manager was talking to me for a good five minutes or so and I pretty much just kept repeating my apology. I then gathered my children up and paid as promised.

But I do need to follow the rest of your advice. I just wish I had the confidence to! I’ll see how I feel tomorrow.

Bloody hell, the replies on here, like the police...yeh you've cancelled because it pissed you off and found a new place to go, twins aren't going to be scarred for life by missing a gym at age of 2.

It's just sneaking into soft play, you just made a misjudgement that it was one of those things that everyone does, and there are LOADS of things like that where it's kind of an accepted rule break (like sharing Netflix etc).Take it as a lesson learned for your social anxiety - sometimes you get in a tiny bit of trouble but no harm comes of it really.

I didn't notice any 'hate' in her posts?

This
with bells on
but I doubt it will be followed

She has twins! Makes her easy to spot. Plus it probably rankled that she was therefore getting double the free soft play time that the other chancers were getting.

I can see how you ended up in the routine and how they aren't really going properly. But now the rules are being enforced so I'd just view it as you had a good run.

But don't pull the kids out of class Yes, you feel awkward, but it's hardly fair to take it out on them.

Practice in the mirror. Practice an assertive stance. Practice shoulders back and a smile as you say anything if they ask.

No more sorry. You paid now and said enough sorrys. .

If any of the mums ask, I'd actually laugh very confidently and say, ' she had a fair point really. It's been fun while it lasted. Anyway, how are you...'

The other mums will take advantage of you if they think you're wet. People are arseholes like that.

Don't feel ashamed anymore.

I've been called out on lots of things and the more I say ' actually I see that point. No problem. Apologies '. Then that's the end of it. It actually feels good and separates you from people who won't take accountability and are usually CFs in all areas of their lives. We don't over apologise. We just own it and move on.

Don't follow their morals. Just follow your own. You can do it.

You've been sneaking free soft play sessions and got called out. Just own it.

We have the exact same at our leisure centre. My my little ones started swimming lessons, they'd ask to go in to soft play for 10 minutes and I went to reception and they wanted £12 so we declined. After a few sessions we realised absolutely no one is there to visit the soft play at 6pm and all the kids are just going in as they please, for free, while waiting for lessons or classes. So we let them in, reception weren't bothered. If we'd got called out I would of had to take it on the chin.

I think you need to put your big girl pants on, own the mistake, you've rectified it, you're armed with the knowledge now and it wont happen again. No reason to overthink it.

But penalising the twins and cancelling their class? Come on... pull yourself together, you're an adult, with two amazing children who live the class, advocate for them and be an adult in this situation. They enjoy the class, mistakes were made, it happens. Step back in, head held high - and if anyone ever asks you - you know to say "make sure you pay on the way out!"

I probably wouldn't go back either op. Surely the best way to deal with it would be to put up a sign somewhere obvious near the gate saying you must pay to use the soft play. Not that people don't know that anyway, but sends the message that they're aware it's going on and gives a chance to stop doing it without confrontation. Then anyone who continues is really taking the piss and totally justified in being approached. They've let it go on for so long, essentially it was ok to do that as they just allowed it to happen.

I think you're cutting off your nose to spite your face here. Leisure Centre Manager (LCM) told you it's not a free for all, you apologised and paid up - case closed! Just go to the gym class next week and either pay for the soft play or go straight home after it - no need for the drama "I cancelled gym class and will never go again".
Why the LCM decided to only accost you I don't know - maybe the others have paid up & never told you 🤔

You get told not to use something you didn’t pay for (and knew you should be) and when you are told not to your reaction is to cancel your children’s gymnastic classes?!?! So really the people now suffering for your behaviour are your daughters… wow.