Leisure centre manager had a pop at me… and I can’t get it out of my head!

[ForestMum2020]

I just want to have a moan / get this off my chest I think.

I take my 2 year old twins to a gymnastics class at a leisure centre. The centre has a big soft play which we have to walk round to get to the class, and it’s all glass panels so the soft play is totally in view. There’s a gate at the back of the soft play next to the class.

At the end of their first lesson back in September, they asked to go in the soft play. The other mums from the class used the back gate to go in. So, I said yes to the girls, we went through the back gate, and I asked one of the other mums what the deal was. She just shrugged and said it was fine, they do it every week and no one has said anything. There’s only ever a couple of other people using it, and the reception looks into soft play, so there’s no way the centre weren’t aware.

Fast forward to now (9 months later) and we’ve been going into the soft play after every lesson. Nowadays the twins will play for all of five minutes, then come out and eat lunch, then go back in for five minutes and we go home. It’s a lovely easy routine for us.

Today, the manager approached me and said I shouldn’t be in there. I’d not paid to use the facility and she’s aware this has been going on for some time. She didn’t say anything to any of the other gym class mums. I apologised profusely and said I genuinely didn’t think the centre were bothered because it’s so empty and all the mums do it. She got quite rude, but she wasn’t aggressive. So I just apologised again and packed up our stuff. She asked me to make sure I paid on the way out so I did (£16! Not cheap!).

I just can’t shake how mortified I am. And frustrated. I’m such a rule follower and I let my guard down under the excuse of “everyone else was doing it!”

I’ve cancelled my membership to the class and shan’t go back. I hate that the manager had been watching me for some time and clearly took issue with me over the other mums for some reason. I just wish someone at reception had said at some stage “make sure you pay for the soft play if you’re headed in there!”.

But I also hate myself for wanting to never go back. I find it hard to do much with the twins and this was working so well. I’ve cut my nose off to spite my face.

How do I stop myself overthinking this whole thing??

So you really suffered with feeling isolated and very little face to face interaction.

this is was lovely routine, one that meant your kids had a whale of a time, probably exhausted by the end of the morning AND you got a coffee with some other mums.

But now… well, what will you be doing on that morning?

and if you don’t think your kids will miss it, as you’re arguing fairly strenuously on this thread, then it’s only you that’s losing out. So 🤷

Do you have any of their contact numbers?

I don't know why everyone is so outraged. Seems reasonable that if you're paying for a gym class and eating in the cafe they'd let you nip in the softplay when it's quiet. After 9 months of everyone doing it weekly with no staff members saying anything of course you'd assume it's fine.

Even if you're in the wrong, you're still a customer and speaking to you like that in front of others is terrible customer service. A quiet polite word to check you're aware of the rules would be more appropriate or an email to all members of the gym class that use the facilities in this way more professional.

This.

Have you ever worked in a leisure centre? Non-payment for things like softplay really impacts.

And essentially it doesn’t matter if all the others were called out on it or not. Maybe the manager hadn’t seen all the others before. Maybe their approach is to speak to one random person because it will then send a message to the others too. No-one could complain if they were spoken to about it. Sometimes you get away with things and sometimes you don’t. But the fact that everyone wasn’t called out on it, doesn’t mean the Centre was wrong or that those breaking the rules were right.

I agree, that the right approach with the other mums is simply to own it, and not to be cross with the centre or aggrieved they got away with it. ‘Well that was a bit embarrassing, but I suppose I was taking the piss and 9 months was a pretty good run. It was nice while it lasted, but no more weekly soft play for us. Oh well..’. The worst thing would be to become bitter or slag off the centre between the mums. No-one can be in any doubt that they are using a facility without paying - they should all stop doing it, but whether they do is up to them.

I don't think the manager should have said that op was being watched. Why not just mention it first time she/they were seen.

Also, it's on the centre to make it clear; at the entrance, in terms and conditions or to have a gate that needs a pass or whatever. Plenty of places do have free play areas. I think people might assume that the gate by play area is for safely keeping children IN the soft play area.

Are you going into a shame spiral? Just a theory…

You’ve done a bad thing but you’re perhaps making it mean ‘I’m bad’?

Perhaps separate the two things - you did a bad thing but that doesn’t make you bad.

Do you want to hold onto that belief that you’re bad? Probably not - it’s not true.

It’s all been exacerbated by the manager singling you out - that feeds into your shame spiral. Whereas if she’d treated everyone fairly, your mind would have had a bit of external evidence to hold onto that you’re not bad, it was just the thing you did that was bad.

It’s not a big deal really - it’s up to the leisure centre to enforce their boundaries and they’ve enabled it all for months, so I’d brush it off and be grateful that you’ve had plenty of trips for just the £16 you paid today!

(£16?!!!)

The OP suggests the OP feels shame

the follow up posts indicates the OP feels wronged and not really shamed but more pissed off

I think you're probably right, I wouldn't take it personally. I can understand why if everyone else was doing it and none of the staff said anything you assumed that they didn't mind. It sounds like the manager has twigged that parents from the gymnastics group were using it for free and you were the only one the reception staff could confirm hadn't paid. She could have dealt with it in a more tactful way.

Please try and get some help with the social anxiety, if you're not already and try and expand your social contacts. Going back to the office helped me massively after becoming very isolated during covid, although I realise that having young children may make that more difficult logistically.

Have you ever worked in a leisure centre? Non-payment for things like softplay really impacts.

So it's on the leisure centre to make it clear surely? Even just a small handwritten sign would do.

I don't really think it will scar your kids for life if you don't go back to the class, they are two aren't they!? And I am sure they do plenty of other stuff. And you said that you are hoping to get them into a more local class in September?

The leisure centre handled it badly, and they are cutting off their nose etc... Like with another pps example, she stopped going to their cafe and so they lost that money every week. And it does seem as though they singled you out!

But I know how you feel, embarrassed, I would be the same. But if you enjoy going just forget about it and think to yourself 'That manager was a bit up herself'. You do get people like that. There are plenty on Mumsnet, ahem. You were polite and paid when challenged, apologised and acknowledged your mistake. Hold your head up! (but obviously don't go in the soft play for free anymore 😊).

BTW, £16 seems very expensive. I suppose because it's 2 children? In my day it would have been about a fiver. Tell your DCs it will have to be a special treat only.

Really it would be good for the centre to do an inclusive deal, seems like they're not getting many customers.

Don't forget Mumsnet isn't necessarily the place to come to alleviate your shame op, some posters delight in giving you a kicking. Maybe avoid aibu.

I really don’t think this can be blamed on the Centre. No doubt there is a price list and of course, if the OP was in any doubt, she could have asked at reception.

It doesn’t sound like the manager was unpleasant, just direct. And what she said was entirely reasonable. Of course the OP felt a bit embarrassed and it’s not wrong to confront someone who is serially doing something like this.

Yes, the centre could tighten up its signage. It could put a big sing on the back door saying ‘No Entry. And £x - pay at reception’ or whatever, but actually OP is saying that in reality she knew really that there was a charge. She conveniently chose to listen to people telling her it was okay, rather than to check with reception, because she knew she didn’t want to hear she answer she suspected was the case.

But some people will never be willing to take responsibility and out their hands up and say ‘ Yeah, I did something wrong’. Some peooke seem to have a pathological aversion to being able to say this and will argue black is white and that someone else is always in the wrong. And then their kids struggle with these concepts too.
Op was cheeky. She got found out and called up. Fine. She apologised and paid for that session. And the issue is over and done with. It only drags on if OP lets herself somehow decide she’s a victim within all this. She isn’t.

Agree

Not disagreeing with that, sounds like it's poorly managed (like most leisure centres I've come across), like how do people slip into a paid area with no-one noticing for 9 months? Piss poor management or staffing!

But then just because other people were chancing their luck doing something, doesn't mean OP should have either. OP reacting by taking her children out of the class after being caught out is unreasonable. 🤷‍♀️

I completely understand how you feel OP because I'm the same. I try to follow the rules - and follow is the operative word. I would very likely have done the same as you. If others were already doing something and said it was OK I'd have let my kids run around there for five minutes. I'd have been mortified to have been told off. If my kids enjoyed the class I wouldn't have removed them and I work very hard not to let the embarrassing things that happen to me come back to haunt me in my lower moments. I don't understand people having a go at you on this thread. Maybe they've never experienced the embarrassment of being told off as an adult for misunderstanding a situation. You sound like other people's opinions matter a bit much to you. It's an affliction but you can work on caring less about making mistakes and people judging you.

Also, I find the horror fades over time until the cringe only returns occasionally.

You’re the only way to get told is because you’re far easier to identify doing it week on week as someone with twins stands out a lot more than someone without. Sure the others will be on their radar eventually. I wouldn’t have cancelled the whole membership, seems a shame for your daughters.

So does bad customer service. Twins gym class cancelled and revenue lost.

£16 for softplay might explain why it's empty.

9 months of watching it happen and not considering how to best communicate and address the impacting issue.

Suggest leisure centre has bigger problems that need addressing!

Swallow your pride and rejoin the group. You shouldn't have been doing it but the time for the manager to pull you up on it should have been when she caught you doing it first time.

A handwritten sign telling customers they’ve got to pay? Why?
Op knew perfectly well there was a charge, that’s why she continually snuck in the back way.

It seems it was the fact she picked on you, rather than talking to everyone that bothered you. I can understand that. Why do you think that was?

I think OP feels a combination of shame and then being pissed off at feeling a bit humiliated. People often feel these 2 combinations of feelings when they do something wrong and are found out. Often people struggle to acknowledge they’ve done wrong and divert the feeling into anger and make themselves into the victim. This putting your hands up when you’ve been wrong and moving forward is something kids need to learn. We all make mistakes and so wrong things. It isn’t a disaster for that to happen nor for us to own it. It is a problem to convince yourself that the Manager was an evil bully and now the Cemtre doesn’t deserve OPs money anymore and she should punish them.

Theres a lot if twisted thinking….its the Centre fault for not having 100% clear signage. It’s the centre fault for having that back door entry. It’s the centre fault for speaking to OP and not others. It’s not OPs fault as she wasn’t the only one doing it. How about quite simply, Op acknowledging that she knew it was a bit of a piss take and she was chancing her arm, and her luck ran out. How about recognising how much revenue the Centre lost from mums using the facility and not paying…..and it doesn’t matter if it would have been empty or anyone else would have been using it, if they hadn’t been in there. There was a charge and they saw a loophole and chose to exploit it. It’s a bit rich to then be cross when you’re called out on it.

Such a good post