Leisure centre manager had a pop at me… and I can’t get it out of my head!

[ForestMum2020]

I just want to have a moan / get this off my chest I think.

I take my 2 year old twins to a gymnastics class at a leisure centre. The centre has a big soft play which we have to walk round to get to the class, and it’s all glass panels so the soft play is totally in view. There’s a gate at the back of the soft play next to the class.

At the end of their first lesson back in September, they asked to go in the soft play. The other mums from the class used the back gate to go in. So, I said yes to the girls, we went through the back gate, and I asked one of the other mums what the deal was. She just shrugged and said it was fine, they do it every week and no one has said anything. There’s only ever a couple of other people using it, and the reception looks into soft play, so there’s no way the centre weren’t aware.

Fast forward to now (9 months later) and we’ve been going into the soft play after every lesson. Nowadays the twins will play for all of five minutes, then come out and eat lunch, then go back in for five minutes and we go home. It’s a lovely easy routine for us.

Today, the manager approached me and said I shouldn’t be in there. I’d not paid to use the facility and she’s aware this has been going on for some time. She didn’t say anything to any of the other gym class mums. I apologised profusely and said I genuinely didn’t think the centre were bothered because it’s so empty and all the mums do it. She got quite rude, but she wasn’t aggressive. So I just apologised again and packed up our stuff. She asked me to make sure I paid on the way out so I did (£16! Not cheap!).

I just can’t shake how mortified I am. And frustrated. I’m such a rule follower and I let my guard down under the excuse of “everyone else was doing it!”

I’ve cancelled my membership to the class and shan’t go back. I hate that the manager had been watching me for some time and clearly took issue with me over the other mums for some reason. I just wish someone at reception had said at some stage “make sure you pay for the soft play if you’re headed in there!”.

But I also hate myself for wanting to never go back. I find it hard to do much with the twins and this was working so well. I’ve cut my nose off to spite my face.

How do I stop myself overthinking this whole thing??

This is a good shout, I reckon its because OP has social anxiety and the bully manager homed in on it.

Oh very possibly! I think I’ve tried to politely ignore these anxieties I feel in the hope they’ll magically fix themselves. But today has been a bit of a wake up call that I’m letting things effect me way more than they should, and all the “not beating around the bush” replies here have backed that up (which is exactly why I posted in AIBU… I think I needed the tough love).

I don’t even knows the names of the other mums embarrassingly, let alone have a way of contacting them, and as I say they’re not local. I’ll never know if they get pulled up on non payment.

I’m going to turn today into something positive. Wednesdays is my only day off with the girls, and I need the confidence to go out and do other things. I’ve got six weeks before my eldest finishes school, so this can be the push I need to think up something cool to do with them on these six days left.

So if you left immediately and don’t have their numbers (or even their names?! And you met them weekly for 9 months?!)
how do you know they were all “completely baffled”?

Can you double check with the Centre re the pricing - that seems very steep for a soft play for toddlers especially as you have a membership and are already paying for additional classes.

Did the manager know you had a membership and also had been to the class? Or did they think you were just sneaking in to the soft play?

So large group of mums
none of which you even knew their names
but somehow you knew they were all dodging payment like you? 🤔

Great positive attitude! And actually just talking about this, even on AIBU, can get it out of your head which can make it easier to move on. Really glad you're turning this into something positive.

Well yeah, I don't disagree with you re the leisure centre. OP shouldn't have tried her luck for 9 months, but they should have cracked down on all of the mums (politely) a lot sooner i.e. first instance!

Op acknowledging that she knew it was a bit of a piss take and she was chancing her arm, and her luck ran out.
Please know that I do acknowledge this.

It is a problem to convince yourself that the Manager was an evil bully and now the Cemtre doesn’t deserve OPs money anymore and she should punish them.

And I definitely have never said she was an evil bully. As I said in my OP, she wasn’t aggressive at all. She was rude though, and I don’t want to give a business with a rude manager any more of my money, and I won’t be apologising for that! I was in the wrong, but they had a long list of other ways of dealing with it. It’s only a win for the leisure centre, they’ll easily fill the two spaces and they won’t have me stealing their soft play anymore!

* I could have easily ratted out the other 8 or so mums in there including the two I was sat with, but I didn’t*

You don’t even know any of their names
and yet you’re pretty confident about them too scamming the leisure centre

The manager doesn’t sound like a very good manager if she struggles to speak to multiple people at once. She should have spoken to all the mums eg “Can I just have everyone’s attention please?…”
Plus she’s known about it for a while and hasn’t said anything up until now, and only to one person. She sounds a bit wishy washy.

Some paper wristbands given when paying the entry fee would mean the soft play wouldn't lose out on money. It's poor business practice not to do this, surely.

People blaming the leisure centre for not putting up adequate signage and policing things better is frankly bizarre. Surely it’s obvious that a leisure centre is packed with possible things to do but that you pay for a certain activity. You wouldn’t go to a class and then pop into the swimming pool for a while because there wasn’t a sign up to say not. There are certain societal rules that are assumed in places and the hope is that most will know these and follow them. Blaming the leisure centre for not having signs on every area pointing out that you must pay to use them is crazy, as is blaming the place for not policing correct usage better or sooner.

You don’t go into a multiplex cinema and pay for a film and then spend the day there moving between different films. (Well some teenagers do). So why would a leisure centre be any different???

Good for you OP. It feels raw today, but it will fade.

Know you apologised and paid today. You can go back to the Centre and pay for and use their facilities. The issue is essentially over.

None of us like being caught out. Those of us who are rule-followers usually don’t break the rules as we fear exactly what happened today. Probably you did too the first time you did it, but because you got away with it you kept sneaking in the back door. But you won’t anymore. So lesson learned…and you move on. So much better to do this than spiral into a blaming them for daring to speak to you about it, which some people suggest.

Yes, the business clearly isn’t running that well if people can sneak in a back door for 9 months and not be confronted. But that doesn’t justify continuing to do something that they knew was wrong…funny no-one tried to go in the front door where tickets were checked! And those suggesting the Centre lost the coffee money, membership and class money by upsetting OP…..well, essentially that’s suggesting no-one ever enforce any rules. Are they suggesting stores turn a blind eye to all shop lifting, because those people are often buying something whilst shoplifting? Yes, of course they should be consistent and not leave any loopholes, but anyone working in these kind of places will know how tough this is in reality. It isn’t that customers should be expected to be trying to shaft businesses and avoid paying. Businesses work on the basis that their customers follow the rules and generally need to rely on that and not being taken advantage of. When people don’t follow the rules, it isn’t the fault if the businesses that is the case.

So many people aren’t willing to simply say OP was wrong and being told off was justified. So many people want to argue their way out of everything and take zero responsibility. OP and co knew the soft play was a paid for service. They saw a back door they could sneak through and chose to use it rather than go through the front door where peooke paid. And it became the norm for them and they got away with it for a long period. But this doesn’t make it right or the centre wrong.

Being cross about this is like thinking you don’t deserve a parking ticket when you’ve parked illegally. Yes, you’re unlucky to get caught…but it’s a fair cop, guv!

The trouble is you did a CF thing but you’re not a CF. The ones we read about on here are always shameless and brazen.

You need to be less of a sheep, though! Why didn’t you just check with reception the first time you did it?

I work in a leisure centre that has a soft play. The soft play staff generally avoid any confrontation with customers because it's too much hassle. We have loads of customers who try various ways to avoid paying - for example by claiming their 3 yo is under 1 or by doing an advance booking for
2 kids when they actually have 4.

Having said that, I'm pretty sure if somebody wanted to bring their kids in for 5 minutes, we would waive the payment.

I am a bit challenged in the ‘filter’ department. I would have asked her loudly “Oh I see - does everybody pay every time they use soft play after gymnastics then?” If she didn’t provide an answer, I’d have repeated the question and not allowed the conversation to move on. If she said yes, I’d have said “That is not the impression I have been given”. If she said no, I’d refuse to pay. Assuming a ‘yes’, I’d have paid, accepted the situation, and not used soft play again unless I felt it worth the extra cost. If I was sure I was singled out, I would complain, at the time or afterwards. My sense of injustice overcomes my sense of embarrassment. I assume it becomes impossible for free soft play to continue for anyone from here on, and if it does it’s unfair. That's unreasonable to put up with and I would not.

To confirm: the back gate wasn’t “sneaky”, it’s very out in the open with lots of staff around, including the two women taking the gym class who could physically see us each week walking in there. Ironically, they sometimes move the classes around and we have to physically walk through soft play to get to gym. And the front gate isn’t ticketed, it’s just the gate closest to reception. Anyone could walk in there (and I think others do too, I’ve seen kids who have clearly come from swimming with wet hair, of course I have no idea if they’ve paid though.)

Good question!! Why didn’t I!!! Laziness? Fear of the answer? Bit of both?

I wish I was you! Haha

OP you made a mistake!

And you made it because you didn’t know any better, but now that you do you won’t do it again.

Every single person in the world has made a mistake because we’re humans and it’s normal to make mistakes.
Theres nothing to feel embarrassed or ashamed about.

Reinstate your membership and carry on going as normal.
You may feel a bit nervous at first but you’ll feel so much better in the long run.

It was a genuine mistake and you were polite and apologetic.
You do not deserve to miss out over this.

It’s likely that the person didn’t want to approach the mums as a group and hasn’t had the chance to say anything (which is why she let it continue for so long).
And you were just in the right place at the right time for her to say it.

I just wish someone at reception had said at some stage “make sure you pay for the soft play if you’re headed in there!”

They don’t need to, it’s pretty obvious and you knew that.

Good way of putting it - OP did a CF thing, when usually she isn’t a CF.

Those who are always CF feel no shame when they’re called out on this stuff and don’t take any responsibility but twist it in their mind to be the fault of the business.
But OP isn’t usually a CF and being called out stung today.
Actually, that’s a positive. When you lose all sense of any kind of shame when you’ve been a CF, you’re basically desensitised and are losing the moral compass. OP isn’t there. And she’s turning it into a positive thing and something to learn from.

OP can decide the manager was rude in her tone and that she won’t go back as she doesn’t want to give money to a business such as this. Of course, that’s forgets that OP acted in an unreasonable way that prompted the manager to need to speak to her. No doubt it’s not an easy conversation for the manager, and perhaps she does come across as exasperated, especially if it’s pretty frequent. OP says she wasn’t aggressive. Maybe she was quite assertive…as her job essentially needs her to be when people use the service and don’t pay. It’s up to OP whether she goes back. If there are other lesisure centres with similar facilities she can choose to go to one of those if she really wants. Or she could decide to keep using the centre that she’s underpaid for 9 months! It would be a shame to miss out on activities they all enjoy though. OP becomes a loser she doesn’t need to be in that scenario. She hasn’t been banned! There has been no consequence. A word was had and she was asked to pay. That was it. It’s over.

If multiple people are doing it, you change your practice to dissuade them doing it. The manager should've told the class instructor to make an announcement at the end of the class that anyone who wants to use the soft play area needs to pay. Or she could've put a sign by the gate. If everyone's doing it unwittingly, you just need to be clear that it's not allowed rather than singling out one random person.

I would also avoid due to management handling it poorly.

I just can’t get my head around sitting with these other mums…. For 9 months! And to not know one single one of their names

Look, you've saved approx. £576 altogether.
I'd take that as a win! x