Leisure centre manager had a pop at me… and I can’t get it out of my head!

[ForestMum2020]

I just want to have a moan / get this off my chest I think.

I take my 2 year old twins to a gymnastics class at a leisure centre. The centre has a big soft play which we have to walk round to get to the class, and it’s all glass panels so the soft play is totally in view. There’s a gate at the back of the soft play next to the class.

At the end of their first lesson back in September, they asked to go in the soft play. The other mums from the class used the back gate to go in. So, I said yes to the girls, we went through the back gate, and I asked one of the other mums what the deal was. She just shrugged and said it was fine, they do it every week and no one has said anything. There’s only ever a couple of other people using it, and the reception looks into soft play, so there’s no way the centre weren’t aware.

Fast forward to now (9 months later) and we’ve been going into the soft play after every lesson. Nowadays the twins will play for all of five minutes, then come out and eat lunch, then go back in for five minutes and we go home. It’s a lovely easy routine for us.

Today, the manager approached me and said I shouldn’t be in there. I’d not paid to use the facility and she’s aware this has been going on for some time. She didn’t say anything to any of the other gym class mums. I apologised profusely and said I genuinely didn’t think the centre were bothered because it’s so empty and all the mums do it. She got quite rude, but she wasn’t aggressive. So I just apologised again and packed up our stuff. She asked me to make sure I paid on the way out so I did (£16! Not cheap!).

I just can’t shake how mortified I am. And frustrated. I’m such a rule follower and I let my guard down under the excuse of “everyone else was doing it!”

I’ve cancelled my membership to the class and shan’t go back. I hate that the manager had been watching me for some time and clearly took issue with me over the other mums for some reason. I just wish someone at reception had said at some stage “make sure you pay for the soft play if you’re headed in there!”.

But I also hate myself for wanting to never go back. I find it hard to do much with the twins and this was working so well. I’ve cut my nose off to spite my face.

How do I stop myself overthinking this whole thing??

Take some accountability. You did the wrong thing and got pulled up on it. No need to punish your kids for it by cancelling their classes.

No, it’s not our local one, and it’s about 25 minutes down the road. (So a 50 minute round trip for a 40 minute class… the soft play had nicely being making the journey worth it!)

Indeed, as I discovered as a naive teenage au pair girl in France, who'd barely left my home city before then -- I was replacing another au pair who'd been there all years and who told me that she and her local friends never paid on the local trains, it was completely unnecessary, no one ever checked. So who got caught by an inspector within her first week? Yup.

I have a feeling I was the only one she was confident about… having twins makes me stand out a bit!! The other two mums were baffled as to why she hadn’t said anything to them.

You’re embarrassed, you know you’ve done wrong but it’s still embarrassing to be told off. I probably wouldn’t go back either if I’m being honest, but YABU.

You get it out of your mind by not letting that be your last memory of the place. Get your girls back to their gymnastics class and carry on as usual. Explain to them that there will be no soft play from now on as they've started charging for it or saying the kids there are about to leave now as the place is shutting. It might be a little hassle if they carry on abit but if they want to do gymnastics, yous just have to leave afterwards now. Maybe have a chocolate bar (or other cheap bribe!) waiting in the car so they have that to look forward to afterwards instead.

Of course she was taking the piss.

how do you think a centre stays open when people don’t pay?!

Is there a gym class they can do nearer your home? Do they enjoy the classes? If they aren't bothered then do something else instead. Like Tennis!

Your title is very misleading. I was prepared to read he had been rude or overbearing but you deserved all you got.You got caught out and don't like it!

I’d give it a few weeks and rejoin.

Any idea why they picked on you? Do you stand out in some way / look different ?

Thank you, this is a useful reply, I hadn’t actually considered that the overwhelming emotion here is embarrassment. You’re absolutely right.

And for posters worried about the twins, they’re 2, they really won’t notice if we don’t go again! I’ve already got them on a list to start at a closer centre in September.

She has twins.

I’m wondering if OP looks different in her appearance or something. Why pick on her and not tell the whole group.

In the nicest way possible, they're now missing out on something through no fault of their own. Hopefully you can find something before September to fill that pocket of time instead

I think I’m quite normal looking!

I can understand why you are upset, it sounds like an unpleasant encounter, but I think you should rejoin the class. You made an error of judgement, got caught out, told off and asked to pay, which you did. It's understandable that it feels like a big deal to you but it almost certainly isn't one for the Sports Centre staff. I bet you're not the first person they've had this conversation with and probably won't be the last. Just don't do it again and almost certainly all will be well. The people who are losing out now are your twins who are absolutely not at fault - if they enjoy the class you need to put this behind you and go back. First week or two might feel a bit awkward but chances are it will soon be forgotten.

Yeah, but this gym class was important enough in your head to justify a 50-minute round trip for a 40-minute class for nine full months. Now, suddenly, because you're a bit embarrassed at someone calling you out on using soft play without paying for nine months, the gym class is completely unimportant and the twins won't even notice?

Mate, she wasn't watching you. She was doing her job. You were cheating you knew you were cheating. You should just accept that you were in the Roman stop overthinking.

"Having a pop at you" translates as calling you out as a CF - which you are.

There may well be Insurance & H&S issues as an unauthorised & non-paying person using facilities .

I hate being told off, especially in front of people. Makes me feel like I’m back at school. YANBU to be upset but were being unreasonable to not pay. Presumably they will crack down on the others too.

You were caught out
You are pissy about that
so you have cut your nose off to spite your face, and also your children too, by cancelling your membership

Do you not think it's actually worse that she's done this when it's nearly empty because if they're being cheated of income, they're not making enough to cover costs which means it's more likely to go down the pan for everyone, including those who did the right thing and paid?

As for the "other mums were doing it" excuse, didn't that wear a bit thin when you were in Year 10 OP because it's a common refrain amongst the lower sets and I genuinely thought teenagers grew out of using that one at some point.

I expect the reason the manager approached you is because you have twins and therefore are more noticeable than the others who perhaps just have the one child. She’s then hoping that you pass the message onto the others.

You’ve had free play for 9 months when you shouldn’t (regardless of the “other mums” nonsense, as you must know they charge for soft play) and now are cutting your nose off to spite your face about it.

And now you won’t have the face to face interactions with other mums at the gym op

you have done a number on yourself and your kids