Leisure centre manager had a pop at me… and I can’t get it out of my head!

[ForestMum2020]

I just want to have a moan / get this off my chest I think.

I take my 2 year old twins to a gymnastics class at a leisure centre. The centre has a big soft play which we have to walk round to get to the class, and it’s all glass panels so the soft play is totally in view. There’s a gate at the back of the soft play next to the class.

At the end of their first lesson back in September, they asked to go in the soft play. The other mums from the class used the back gate to go in. So, I said yes to the girls, we went through the back gate, and I asked one of the other mums what the deal was. She just shrugged and said it was fine, they do it every week and no one has said anything. There’s only ever a couple of other people using it, and the reception looks into soft play, so there’s no way the centre weren’t aware.

Fast forward to now (9 months later) and we’ve been going into the soft play after every lesson. Nowadays the twins will play for all of five minutes, then come out and eat lunch, then go back in for five minutes and we go home. It’s a lovely easy routine for us.

Today, the manager approached me and said I shouldn’t be in there. I’d not paid to use the facility and she’s aware this has been going on for some time. She didn’t say anything to any of the other gym class mums. I apologised profusely and said I genuinely didn’t think the centre were bothered because it’s so empty and all the mums do it. She got quite rude, but she wasn’t aggressive. So I just apologised again and packed up our stuff. She asked me to make sure I paid on the way out so I did (£16! Not cheap!).

I just can’t shake how mortified I am. And frustrated. I’m such a rule follower and I let my guard down under the excuse of “everyone else was doing it!”

I’ve cancelled my membership to the class and shan’t go back. I hate that the manager had been watching me for some time and clearly took issue with me over the other mums for some reason. I just wish someone at reception had said at some stage “make sure you pay for the soft play if you’re headed in there!”.

But I also hate myself for wanting to never go back. I find it hard to do much with the twins and this was working so well. I’ve cut my nose off to spite my face.

How do I stop myself overthinking this whole thing??

I’d be completely mortified too, but you were taking the piss!

'But I'm not the only one...why aren't you telling off such-and-such?' cried every whiny, entitled teenager caught doing something wrong ever.

I can see why you'd feel embarrassed that you were singled out when the other Mums were also using the soft play for free. However, I think you know you were collectively being a bit cheeky, as you could have reception to clarify whether you needed to pay or not; but you knew the answer was likely to be 'yes' so you chanced your arm.

It does sound like the leisure centre should have monitored and picked up on this sooner, but they're a business and it's fair enough for them to charge to use the facilities. They still need to pay their overheads and to maintain the soft play.

For 9 months??? If it was such a problem they should have informed her and the other mums not just said nothing for 9 months!

So were the other mums required to pay. Did you ask this ?

As also a mum of twins I know exactly what you mean by ‘ we stand out more ‘

I wouldn't. I would regroup and return with my head held high. People do much much worse. It's a learning curve. OP has slightly been led by group think and struggles with shame around accountability.

People can work on this and improve their life and show their kids a great example in life. We all fuck up. Who cares. It's a great opportunity to practice getting through this by going back with ownership and confidence.

I'd actually want to highlight that to the CFs if they're taking the piss. It will signal to them confidence and assertiveness. E.g ' it was actually taking the piss when I realised how much that cost. I don't feel comfortable taking the piss like that. It's all good. Fun while it lasted eh. Anyhoo....'

I'd take your place and do it for you if I could OP. I now enjoy doing this as I've got older. You'll feel very good if you plough through. 💐

Ah but I didn’t say that, did I. I could have easily ratted out the other 8 or so mums in there including the two I was sat with, but I didn’t.

Is “suffering” the right word for 2 years old not attending 6 weeks of toddler gymnastics?

So because the soft play was nearly empty it means anyone can walk in without paying? How does that work? 🙄

I do wonder if it’s more than the 10 minutes total you state

You’ve been sneaking in the back way instead of paying at the front for nine months and you’re in a state because the manager finally had a word with you?
Wow.

Oh it definitely was more at the beginning.

‘Revenge’? She should seek revenge for someone telling her that she has to pay for something at a business? Entitled much????

Maybe.
BUT if you want to stick to the rules, then you do it for everyone. Not by singling out one person out of everyone.
Its be like having a go at one teenager fir talking in a class where everyone else was too, They’d be furious about it and with good reasons.

Didn’t either of them speak up for you.
You were clearly being picked out from the rest.

Which actually says a lot in itself doesn’t it?

Exactly Rules aren’t rules unless an establishment is prepared to treat everyone equally in accordance with them

Ok. Penalising then. You were wrong. You know this. You were caught out and embarrassed. Your response has been to complain about it on Mumsnet and stop your children from attending a class (they presumably enjoyed and at which they knew other children). Yeh. Come back at me for using the word ‘suffering’. My goodness but you’re insufferable.

Good advice.

Look….you were in the wrong and really you knew it. You feel mortified because you were called out on it.

And you went and paid as they requested and presumably won’t do it again. So the issue is over and done with. You can return to the Centre and have your membership and kids have their classes and whatever. And if they want to use the soft play you’ll have to pay or just say ‘no’ to them.

Are you worried about seeing that manager again and feeling embarrassed? Get beyind that. They probably have to have the conversation with multiple people and as long as you do t carry on using the facility without paying, then there’s no further issue.

Do you feel uncomfortable because somehow you feel you were justified and because you’re cross they spoke to you and it made you feel bad? You just need to acknowledge to yourself that you were in the wrong. The fact other parents were doing it or said it was okay didn’t justify it. And really you knew that. If you’d wanted to check it out properly you’d have asked at reception. But you got away with it and kept doing it so it felt like the norm to you. And the fact other people were doing it too made it feel okay to you. And perhaps you feel it was u fair that you were called out on it. But in the end, you can only be responsible for your own behaviour. Sometimes we just have to out our hands up to ourselves and acknowledge we were cheeky or taking the piss. It was nice to get away with it for a bit, but your luck ran out. You apologised. You paid for that session. And now it’s over and you can move forward without terrible shame.

And know that your normal instinct to be a rule follower is the right one. If you let yourself be ‘led astray’ by others or justify wrong doing in your own mind, it’s up to you and you have to take responsibility. As you know now, being caught has made you feel really shitty. But you can avoid this in future.

Im not sure how old your kids are, but actually this can be a useful learning thing for them. If they ask why you aren’t going in the soft play anymore, you can tell them that it turned out you should have been paying but weren’t and had made a mistake. You can tell them you said you were sorry and now won’t be going in without paying again. They can learn a lot from you being willing to accept you’ve done something wrong and adults make mistakes too. And you can show them that there’s a way to move forward from mistakes.

Todaay you feel embarrassed and a bit shit. You’ve cancelled the membership and classes because you felt a but ashamed but also humiliated. But tomorrow you can move beyond that and rejoin. Definitely don’t cut your nose off to spite your face. It will be you and the kids who lose out and there’s no need for either of you to.

I probably would also pull out of the class. Not because I was chucking a tantrum but because £16 on top of the class cost is alot of money, especially for 10 mins in a soft play - and my kids would likely have kicked off when I said no we were not going in with the others the following week - which would have caused a bigger downer on the trip sadly. If any of the other non payers had left with you or contacted you afterwards and said they would also not be doing soft play next week and suggest the park or something instead I might reconsider but not to leave my kids watching the others go in and them not.

I'd be annoyed at being the only one made to pay tbh.

So none of the others also paid?

🤣
You got caught out, never mind, no real harm done apart to your ego!
I teach mine, Do the crime be prepared to do the time.
OP this isn’t serious, move on!

I hate feeling embarrassed and being told off takes you right back to school! It'll fade though. The manager is doing a very bad job by not having a big sign on the back door or having staff monitor and politely point out the 'mistake' for a few weeks or similar, just picking you out is bad.

I don't think I'd go back either simply because the kids will beg for the soft play and not understand why they can't have it and without the soft play the journey isn't really worth it when you have a local class starting soon.

Shake it off (it really will fade to funny in a few days) and find some other nice thing to do locally on that day.

I mean, YABU and I think you know it from your follow up comments.

However: missing the point entirely but, that price for soft play at a local leisure centre is crazy. And I don't blame you for cancelling the class; I wouldn't want to go back where the lecturing manager was, either. Start afresh at your local leisure centre and try not to fall in with any other bad mums 😆