Leisure centre manager had a pop at me… and I can’t get it out of my head!

[ForestMum2020]

I just want to have a moan / get this off my chest I think.

I take my 2 year old twins to a gymnastics class at a leisure centre. The centre has a big soft play which we have to walk round to get to the class, and it’s all glass panels so the soft play is totally in view. There’s a gate at the back of the soft play next to the class.

At the end of their first lesson back in September, they asked to go in the soft play. The other mums from the class used the back gate to go in. So, I said yes to the girls, we went through the back gate, and I asked one of the other mums what the deal was. She just shrugged and said it was fine, they do it every week and no one has said anything. There’s only ever a couple of other people using it, and the reception looks into soft play, so there’s no way the centre weren’t aware.

Fast forward to now (9 months later) and we’ve been going into the soft play after every lesson. Nowadays the twins will play for all of five minutes, then come out and eat lunch, then go back in for five minutes and we go home. It’s a lovely easy routine for us.

Today, the manager approached me and said I shouldn’t be in there. I’d not paid to use the facility and she’s aware this has been going on for some time. She didn’t say anything to any of the other gym class mums. I apologised profusely and said I genuinely didn’t think the centre were bothered because it’s so empty and all the mums do it. She got quite rude, but she wasn’t aggressive. So I just apologised again and packed up our stuff. She asked me to make sure I paid on the way out so I did (£16! Not cheap!).

I just can’t shake how mortified I am. And frustrated. I’m such a rule follower and I let my guard down under the excuse of “everyone else was doing it!”

I’ve cancelled my membership to the class and shan’t go back. I hate that the manager had been watching me for some time and clearly took issue with me over the other mums for some reason. I just wish someone at reception had said at some stage “make sure you pay for the soft play if you’re headed in there!”.

But I also hate myself for wanting to never go back. I find it hard to do much with the twins and this was working so well. I’ve cut my nose off to spite my face.

How do I stop myself overthinking this whole thing??

Christ, why is everyone on here so mean? Would you be this bitchy to someone’s face? It was a mistake. It’s horrible being told off. Try not to dwell on it. The way I stop myself dwelling is to think how insignificant this will all seem in a year. I think go back if you can. The manager won’t be dwelling and it’s not good to use avoidance to deal with anxiety as it reinforces it. You’re doing a great job, head up, go back. This will pass.

Well aren't you adorable

Adorable or not

on the money

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😂

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£16? No wonder it’s empty 😣

Really? Why so harsh? OP thought it was ok as others were doing the same and she was paying for membership. She was reprimanded by a rude manager and now feels uncomfortable. She admits she was wrong and she won't be going back because of the way she was spoken to. Not really sure where all the vitriol is coming from TBH 🤷🏼‍♀️

once… 9 months ago, one mother told the op she did this

and from that op extrapolated all others doing it

despite fact that she doesn’t know the first name of one single one of them!!

@Mumof2heroes There are a lot of smug twats on AIBU, I don't think you would get that negative reaction so much in real life.

Self righteous people who never, never break a rule. Probably the same kind of people who berated others not following all the Covid rules rigidly, otherwise you were literally killing people don't you know.

Following all the rules makes them morally superior they imagine. Yet have those people ever done a truly generous or kind thing? Doubt it somehow.

See the post immediately above mine! And having a dig at the OP for not knowing the names of the other mums. When we've been told she is suffering from social anxiety. Just no need.

Yes but the point is…. If in 9 months she doesn’t know the first name of a single mum and they’ve presumably never asked her…. Then how the heck is she so sure about all these women’s payment arrangements with the gym?

Nit picking.

😆

This.

You are totally overthinking this. You got away with it for a few months. Just apologise and from now on either pay or don't use it.

Why on earth did you cancel the gym class?!? Total over-reaction! As others have said, stop dwelling on your own feelings and think about your kids.

Exactly this. No need to be embarrassed, the manager will not give this (or you) a second thought. They have to deal with so many problems and rude/unpleasant customers as part of their job that you doing this won't even register to them, it's just part of their job. In fact if you carry on going and being friendly to the staff, they will get to know you, realise you're a nice person and you'll have a good relationship with them.

It might be that the manager had been letting it go but that someone higher up had pulled them up on it and they'd taken it out on you.

Having twin toddlers is HARD! If you've found a routine that works, keep doing it and suck up the cost if you can afford it.

You are being unreasonable. However I think all of this suggests a confidence issue- following the other mums, freaking out when told off, feeling 'picked on.' Have you heard of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria? Yours is a very RSD reaction, and it might be worth looking into.

Most likely they've decided to make sure only people who pay for it from now on and have let it slide up til now. New manager maybe? I'm sure the other parents will be told as well. You've had a free ride, apologised, move on and continue to take your twins. There are times places have a meeting and decide to tighten things up to reinforce rules.

A bit of embarrassment for you, you've not been asked to repay, end of matter. Xx

I think as others have compassionately seemed to empathise, it's the way this dear Mum was spoken down to, the manner, which was humiliating

Really? Why so harsh?

Because it's MN (more especially so on AIBU). Some posters love a finger wag - many will then argue endlessly about it. Not sure they'd be so critical to someone IRL?

‘I just wish someone at reception had said at some stage “make sure you pay for the soft play if you’re headed in there!”.

Come on. You didn’t need to be told this, surely. You’re upset you got exposed and caught out for using a facility for months without paying for it! It doesn’t matter that it’s near enough empty when you’ve used it - the fact is that other people have been paying to use it and you haven’t. CF behaviour, and now you’ve had a hissy fit which has impacted on your children’s enjoyment of their class. The other Mums behaving in the way should be ashamed too.

Grow up, pay up and get your kids back to their class.

I see your reasoning here OP. The only issue is that there’s no way of knowing that the other mums are not paying to use it now as you don’t really know them and not asked since the first time.
Just take it on the chin. You acknowledge you shouldn’t have been doing it and it won’t happen again so that’s fine. Those jumping down your throat now when you already admitted wrong just like to stick it when it hurts.

You're very invested in this, are you the manager? I just think the world could be a little kinder and slightly less sanctimonious. OP isn't a criminal but admits she was wrong and is trying to navigate her feelings...again, why so harsh?

Why do you keep referring to the OP as "this sweet mum" or "this dear mum"? It's odd.

Extremely.