Ex won’t return our 3 DDs after visit - what can I even do??

[Blueme]

Bit of a mess here so bare with.

Me and ex split 2yrs ago, not exactly amicable but we manage handovers ok-ish. He’s been seeing the girls (DD10, DD7 and DD5) EOW, odd midweek etc. Nothing court ordered, just what we agreed.

He picked them up Friday just gone, meant to drop them back Sunday tea time. Didn’t turn up. No message nothing. I called, no answer. Texted, WhatsApp, all ignored. He finally messaged MONDAY morning saying he’s “keeping them for a bit” cos he thinks they’re better off with him and I need a “break”

WTF?? I’ve said no way, that’s not how this works. He says he’s not giving them back until we “talk properly” about custody.

I’ve tried being reasonable, told him the girls need their routine and school (they’re missing it!!) and he’s playing games. He just keeps repeating the same stuff.

Have spoken to school, they were as shocked as I am. Have also spoken to police who said it’s a civil matter as we’ve got no court order

Feel totally powerless. Girls are too young to really speak up but I know they’ll be confused and upset. They’ve never been away from me this long

Anyone been through this? Do I need to go to court now? Solicitor? I’m in bits here

Any advice welcome please x

Solicitor asap

Solicitor yesterday. This is far above mumsnet’s paygrade.

I am not an expert but got in touch with a solicitor today and apply to go to court.

My ex did this. I got an emergency appointment with a solicitor and had a court date within a few days.

I'm so sorry to read this, and won't read and run. You need to get a good family solicitor on board asap. Google ones in your area, and phone them for an urgent meeting. Keep updating the School and Police, as this will all be on file then when it gets to court. I am sure you are in an absolute state of panic, as would any Mum, so please tell trusted family and friends so they can help you in this fight. You need to go to court and get this official as he is playing a game now, and young children will be the ones to suffer any fallout. hand hold

Have you even been able to speak to your children yet?

This needs court. Even if he had some genuine concern about your ability to parent, this is not the way to handle it and those kids should be in school.

Just to add, make sure you keep communication with him strictly to email/text/whatapp so you have written proof of what he's saying to you.
Good luck OP

Agree with emergency application to Court. What an absolute idiot. Not taking them to school will not be looked upon favourably.
It'll get sorted OP. Big hand hold.
To quote my mate ‘go full on Mumma bear’…

Solicitor.
Do you have passports?

School should also be maintaining contact with him under their attendance policy as they are absent. No contact and they will be visiting his house, no answer and this can trigger a police welfare check.

Solicitor.

Do any if them have phones/loads?

Do you have any idea where they are? Is he not working?

Solicitor asap and not court will side with a parent who deliberately makes the children miss school. What an arse.

You need to put in an emergency application to court. Make sure it is an emergency application as these are heard quickly and don’t require mediation etc.

Never just leave this to casual arrangements. Solicitor and CAO now OP

He’s gone too far this time and you know you can’t ever trust him again.

Don’t try and negotiate with him directly but see a solicitor and do everything they advise and keep all communications to him in writing/text.

If he tries to manipulate you into dropping court action in order to see them sooner, don’t be persuaded to give in to him.

Once the court has ruled, he won’t be able to mess you about again and the Police will get involved if he tries to keep them outside of the agreed contact times.

Can the school not phone the dad and make him bring them in to school??

Have you contacted social services?

I hope you have their passports and not him???

I assume he is on their birth certificates?

I would contact a solicitor specialising in family law immediately if you have not already done so.

If he wants to "Talk Properly" then set up a meeting with a solicitor to talk. Make it clear he needs to attend, bringing the girls, and have someone there available to look after the girls whilst you two talk it through with the solicitor.

Have you spoken to them to check on their welfare?

You need a solicitor to create a custody plan, they can also advise if an emergency hearing is possible.

Good advice from others re solicitors.
Is there any grandparents that can at least step in and offer some support to your poor dds

Does he have any history of alcohol abuse or depression? You could insist the police do a welfare check if so.

Yes been there, I was lucky that my child’s paternal uncle stepped in.
You need to secure passports and make an urgent application to the courts.

I would be asking the police to do a welfare check. Not sending them to school and the lack of discussion or apparent trigger would concern me that he's trying to hide something like bruising.
I can't see any other reason to suddenly do this after 2 years of no issues and even keep them off school.

Solicitor now!

Definitely solicitor and emergency court hearing asap.

I would also ring the police and request a welfare check on your children, if you've only had his word that they're ok and not spoken directly to them.

Been there. Done that. Except in a foreign jurisdiction that follows law.

Lawyers will only do so much.
But see a lawyer get an exparte application - emergency application.
Now you got to create your own paper trail
Write him nice messages always calmly and 1. ask to speak to the children and for video calls 2. that you propose mediation and 3. UNILATERALLY removing the children from their habitual home is not in the best interests of the children.

Now lawyers don't tell you to do the rest but this is what I did.

1. write to the school and inform them of the situation, especially if he is keeping them away from school, and write that you do not give consent for him to unliaterally withdraw the children from the school. (because that is what he will do..move them to another school area and sign them up without you knowing
2. You can take an extra step and write to your local authority area about that too,
3. Contact social services and ask for their intervention and to do a check on the children.
4. keep a log of all the times he refused to let you speak to your children.
5. communicate in writing only - this is a build up of evidence.

He will try to paint you as crazy, hence the you need a rest story that he will spin.

keep the passports , and write to the passport office that you do not give permission for him to unilaterally remove the children from the country, and that you should be notified if there is any application that passports are lost and he applies for a new one without you knowing.

send messages on his whatsapp for the kids...videos of mummy is saying hello, mummy misses you, mummy wants you to come home, I miss you we have all the fun things to do. That is your evidence. Because he will start to poison their brains that you abandoned them and that you stopped him seeing them. This is your evidence for yourself.

I did this too. Under a matter of urgency