Ex won’t return our 3 DDs after visit - what can I even do??

[Blueme]

Bit of a mess here so bare with.

Me and ex split 2yrs ago, not exactly amicable but we manage handovers ok-ish. He’s been seeing the girls (DD10, DD7 and DD5) EOW, odd midweek etc. Nothing court ordered, just what we agreed.

He picked them up Friday just gone, meant to drop them back Sunday tea time. Didn’t turn up. No message nothing. I called, no answer. Texted, WhatsApp, all ignored. He finally messaged MONDAY morning saying he’s “keeping them for a bit” cos he thinks they’re better off with him and I need a “break”

WTF?? I’ve said no way, that’s not how this works. He says he’s not giving them back until we “talk properly” about custody.

I’ve tried being reasonable, told him the girls need their routine and school (they’re missing it!!) and he’s playing games. He just keeps repeating the same stuff.

Have spoken to school, they were as shocked as I am. Have also spoken to police who said it’s a civil matter as we’ve got no court order

Feel totally powerless. Girls are too young to really speak up but I know they’ll be confused and upset. They’ve never been away from me this long

Anyone been through this? Do I need to go to court now? Solicitor? I’m in bits here

Any advice welcome please x

Police and social services since they aren’t at school they need to do a welfare check.

To flip the usual crazy woman script, how is his mental health? Is it related to why he's out of work? He's acting out of character you said, is he perhaps having an episode of some sort? Does he himself needs a welfare check?

Disagree with me all you like, but I'm correct. Telling OP to waste her time arguing with police and school and social services is unhelpful. She's got an hour and a half to file an application today.

Forget the school & police for now. Prioritise the emergency prohibited steps order. You can do it yourself here: https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/form-c100-application-under-the-children-act-1989-for-a-child-arrangements-prohibited-steps-specific-issue-section-8-order-or-to-vary-or-discharge When you’ve done this, you can tell the passport office not to issue a passport as they aren’t lost, and talk to the safeguarding lead about your children’s absence from school to see if someone can go round. Does he live very far from you, OP?

I’m sorry, I have no advice- just didn’t want to read and run. I’m so sorry this is happening to you op, your ex is an absolute fucker to do this to your kids.

So he’s depriving them of their mother, their home and their access to schooling. I’d call the police.

Some of these men honestly this is so shocking!!!!!Am sorry you're going through this

We can agree to disagree on that.

I do agree the absolute first priority should be filing the application.

Once that has done and she is waiting , if I were OP, I would the. be back on the phone to first the police this afternoon, and then tomorrow - the school, advocating for follow up and welfare checks , which they absolutely can and very often do.

Deleted: already mentioned

I’m shocked that you were told the kidnap of children is a civil matter. It isn’t. The police should, at the very least, accompany you to do a welfare check and see if you can bring the children home.

The kids are with their dad, he has verified this. There is nothing in place to say they can’t be. The school don’t have to do a welfare check - they’re more likely to do something like request a TAF going forward. The police may do a welfare check depending on their resources.

Really what the OP needs to do is get that emergency order. That will allow other professionals to take action.

It isn’t kidnap, they’re with their dad.

This happened to a friend. It was completely ridiculous as, although she and ex weren't particularly amicable, they had co-parented successfully for years. He just decided to keep them one day, but did at least take them to school.

It went to court within a week or so and the court returned things to the status quo. She did say it cost them both a load of money just to keep things how they had always been.

It's not kidnapping. They are with their father, who has PR. Legally, it's not kidnap.

I have no advice other than that which has been given about solicitors. Just wanted to send love and thoughts as it must be awful.

how awful 😞 good luck OP 🤞🏻

Thanks again for all the replies, I’m reading everything even if I can’t reply to everyone individually xx

I agree it’s shocking the police won’t do anything, like how is it ok for someone to just keep your kids and not take them to school and that’s “fine” cos there’s no court order?? Feels mad.

I don’t have a new boyfriend no, nothing like that. Nothing’s changed on my end at all. He’s always had a bit of a chip on his shoulder about me “controlling” things just cos I kept things consistent and got on with it. Think this is his way of trying to take back some kind of power.

Trying to do the court form now. It’s all a bit much and I’m scared I’ll mess it up but I’ll get it in before 4pm like pp said. Not waiting around anymore.

I have no idea what’s going on with him mentally. Could be stress or money probs, but he’s def not right. Not like this. It’s like he’s fixated.

There’s no history of me struggling mentally, never had any issues that way and nothing he could use. But now I’m worried he’s going to start making stuff up

Still no word from solicitor. Going to try another one now. Just want my girls back.

It is if it’s against their will and they have been deprived of their phones and the youngest so can’t tell anyone. It’s quite different from telling Mum that they refuse to come home.

Get a solicitor involved NOW. Also you can report him to the police for kidnapping, which would place a firm boundary on any future games he wishes to play.

What an absolute bastard, I’m sorry you are experiencing this.

Firstly get yourself on legallynik’s page on insta. She does a court guide (I think it’s pretty cheap) and lots of helpful posts about what to say in court documents. Secondly have a look at this wheel about post separation abuse and think about all the things that are relevant but most importantly how each thing impacts your children. All the information you get from doing this will help you to argue why you would be concerned about his parenting. Good luck!

No, it isn't.

Definitely solicitor yesterday and court application

In the meantime, social services esp as they aren’t being taken to school

The fact he is withholding the children from school and has removed their own communication devices purposefully so they can’t contact you should heavily go in your favour I’m sure. It’s very worrying behaviour.