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AIBU?

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Original poster

Family finances how annoyed would you be

392 replies

worriedmum8686 · 03/06/2025 23:06

myself and DH have three primary school aged kids. both work full time and earn the same salary. The mortgage and household bills are split 50:50

everything else I pay for
childrens activities
clothes for the children
days out for the children
if we go out for food he looks at me to pay

but what has really annoyed me me this year is that he hasn't paid anything towards our family holiday. It has cost £6000 for 11 days at peak time and he has honestly given me nothing towards it. I paid for the flights, accommodation, car hire and all the kids clothes for going on holiday. He however went on a boys trip in April for four days that cost £1500 had no issue finding the money for that. As I've been paying off the holiday when I ask him what he plans to give towards it he bites my head off so I have just stopped. I also brought the five of us to Disneyland in September as I had came into some money that just about covered it again he didn't even give towards the spending money.

when we are talking with family or friends he doesn't I'll say about how much we have spent on these things. Or jobs aren't great either just your average income

OP posts:
BobbleHatsRule · 03/06/2025 23:08

Why are you allowing this?

2024onwardsandup · 03/06/2025 23:08

Why would you put up with this? Bet you do all the laundry and cleaning too.

he’s a shit but you are complicit in the arrangement

IamSmarticus · 03/06/2025 23:09

YABU for putting up with it! I wouldn't be booking any more holidays, well not for him anyway.

Supersimkin7 · 03/06/2025 23:09

Nip this one in the bud.

CF at work. No holidays for him till
he pays his way, and his children’s.

verycloakanddaggers · 03/06/2025 23:10

I don't understand why you go along with these financial arrangements.

You don't have to include him in the holidays.

AuntMarch · 03/06/2025 23:11

I'm all for having separate money. But I'd have a joint account too for children's expenses and holidays - why have you been footing the bill for it all?!

notacooldad · 03/06/2025 23:11

It would annoy me if I had to pay for certain things and dh had to pay for certain things.
We are in a partnership so everything goes into a pot and pays the bills, goes into savings and everything else thar needs financing.
Over the years this has worked because it's a constant. Some years I have earned more others years he has . Money in one pot and the dividing prevented squabbles about who should pay more, who needs to put more in the pot etc.

MigGril · 03/06/2025 23:14

Don't take him on holiday next time, if he asks why he isn't coming tell him you can't afford to pay for him as well as everyone else.

Original poster
worriedmum8686 · 03/06/2025 23:14

I need his help with the kids on holiday or I wouldn't book him on. There is a big family wedding for his side next year and I've told him he can book it all I'm refusing

OP posts:
OneFootInTheDave · 03/06/2025 23:14

FGS stop paying for him!

Why on earth are you accepting this!?

Aoppley · 03/06/2025 23:15

Do you earn a lot more than him?

If not, tell him he owes you £3000 for the holiday and either he pays or he doesn't get to come. He also needs to pay 50% towards the kids' things. Why don't you open a shared account where you put X amount of money into every month, depending on how much you earn (eg. If you earn 50k and he learns 25k, you'd put in twice as much), and use that to pay for everything for the family? Then your personal accounts you'd just use for yourselves.

Gcsunnyside23 · 03/06/2025 23:16

He's shit but you're letting him away with it. Sit down and make a full list of the family expenditures including what should be saved toward holidays, presents, saved etc and then Split it. Everything else you keep. Finances can't get hidden as it breeds resentment when it's not fair and it most definitely isn't fair. Why are you paying more?? Does he participate in chores and life admin etc? All you I'd bet not

LittleGreenDragons · 03/06/2025 23:18

Things for the children, especially clothing, falls under Bills. Stop paying for it all, they are half his children too.

babyproblems · 03/06/2025 23:18

You’re married so this is madness. Design a new budget and tell him this is what’s happening. If he doesn’t like it, he has. I respect for you and doesn’t see you as his equal. In which case I’d be filing for a divorce!

Original poster
worriedmum8686 · 03/06/2025 23:20

No I do the school run because his commute is longer

I do all the cooking, cleaning, washing I am really feeling burnt out. He tells me that he has no money left at end of the month.

OP posts:
Vaxtable · 03/06/2025 23:21

You are letting him get away with it
time for a conversation and you tell
him he is now paying half for his kids work out roughly how much you spend each month and he pays half

likewise when you book holidays you get his half up front or you don’t go. And if the kids say anything you just say speak to your dad

Time for him to step up

Mama2many73 · 03/06/2025 23:21

Personally couldn't live like this, as a pp said all money goes central and everything comes from that.

However if you do have Separate money everything should be shared equally and ghat includes a FAMILY holiday.
He is an arsehole but you are enabling him by agreeing to it!!

Original poster
worriedmum8686 · 03/06/2025 23:24

he always tells me he will pay but it never happens then it turns into a blazing argument and he will say...well I shouldn't have to pay I don't want to go

OP posts:
nomas · 03/06/2025 23:25

worriedmum8686 · 03/06/2025 23:20

No I do the school run because his commute is longer

I do all the cooking, cleaning, washing I am really feeling burnt out. He tells me that he has no money left at end of the month.

Tell him both salaries need to go in a joint account, and all kids stuff, meals out and holidays are paid out of that.

You each get a set amount of spending money.

Surplus money goes into a joint savings account and any use of the savings account has to be jointly decided.

He is taking you for an absolute mug.

If he doesn’t agree, divorce him. He is pretending to the world he is a family man at the expense of your money and your effort in the house and with the kids.

TartanMammy · 03/06/2025 23:25

You earn the same so everything should be split 50/50. Get a joint account and both put equal amounts in their each month, anything else is kept as your personal spending money. Everything for kids and household should be paid from the joint account.

Does he realise how much you're spending on these things? Where does his money go?

Calmdownpeople · 03/06/2025 23:26

OP do me a favour, find a dictionary. Look up the word mug. Notice your picture beside the definition.

I’m not being mean but honestly stop enabling this ridiculous behaviours .

What your OH is doing is not acceptable. Stop paying for him.

Original poster
worriedmum8686 · 03/06/2025 23:27

Then he will say he never agreed to the holiday in the first place which is a lie. This year I actually recorded the holiday convo before we booked and sent him ir. When u reminded him of this last week when he started he just said well I have no money so tough

OP posts:
nam3c4ang3 · 03/06/2025 23:27

WTF - how are you letting this continue. Your kids are seeing how he treats you - come on OP - want better for yourself, if not you, the kids.

Stripeyanddotty · 03/06/2025 23:29

What is he doing with his money?

PrincessofWells · 03/06/2025 23:30

Hmm - cocklodger . . .

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