Family finances how annoyed would you be

[worriedmum8686]

myself and DH have three primary school aged kids. both work full time and earn the same salary. The mortgage and household bills are split 50:50

everything else I pay for
childrens activities
clothes for the children
days out for the children
if we go out for food he looks at me to pay

but what has really annoyed me me this year is that he hasn't paid anything towards our family holiday. It has cost £6000 for 11 days at peak time and he has honestly given me nothing towards it. I paid for the flights, accommodation, car hire and all the kids clothes for going on holiday. He however went on a boys trip in April for four days that cost £1500 had no issue finding the money for that. As I've been paying off the holiday when I ask him what he plans to give towards it he bites my head off so I have just stopped. I also brought the five of us to Disneyland in September as I had came into some money that just about covered it again he didn't even give towards the spending money.

when we are talking with family or friends he doesn't I'll say about how much we have spent on these things. Or jobs aren't great either just your average income

Sounds like he is desperate to have a life without you, no idea why you’d pay for him to go on holiday.

Op is there any chance he is gambling? Something is off here. Ask him where his money is going? Don’t be gaslit. Ask him why you get paid the same but he is always broke.

He is taking the piss. You should set up a joint account where you both pay in the same amount each month to cover all bills and other household and holiday costs leaving each of you an agreed amount for your personal expenses.

Firstly, where does his money go? Absolutely ridiculous and know exactly how you feel right now..

My husband and I got stuck in this rut when he was made redundant however he now has a great job but I was still covering the additional things similar to you.

i created another joint account separate to bills one we now put equal money into this account and use this for food petrol and childcare.

I pay for clubs, husband pays for treats. Days out we take in turn to pay. Takeaways come from joint.

I wouldn’t be booking any holidays unless he paid half.

Its not a faff if you have basic numeracy. I pay the bills out my account each month and he transfers half the amount to me. Hardly a faff.

Maybe society learned to add up and divide? 😂

Also whats mine, is mine. Whats his, is his. Whats ours is ours. Vast differences.

I hear you! What’s mine is mine, his is his. it’s not a faff. It’s sensible
set up direct debits etc and us app to transfer monies

Wow well more fool you for having every bill in your name that is foolish indeed.
I can add up thanks 😂😂😂
At least being married you have a claim to half of everything in the event that you split (which is a good thing) but there is a heavy irony about the point you are trying to make, which is presumably about financial independance.

Total contradiction with what would happen if you split though. Everything is joint.

I didnt say in my name, i said i pay them from my account. The house is in my name so if we split up, id be solely responsible for the bills anyway 🤷🏼‍♀️
I wouldnt claim anything, we had paper work drawn up prior to getting married and i dont need to claim from someone else when i have my own 😂

Exactly this! Our bills come out on the 1st, he transfers me half. They get paid. We do what the hell we like with our own money thats left. If i want to go buy designer shoes or rubbish from aliexpress i will. Equally he buys what he wants too.

what’s the actual point of that statement though? It literally has no bearing on day to day finances
fwiw, we have a prenup and documentation of who paid what % of deposit etc

This, absolutely.

What's he doing with the money that should be his share of all the expenses to do with the kids and other stuff that are joint responsibilities? Is he building up a nice nest egg, spending it on expensive hobbies or clothes?

So biting your head off makes you back down ?

It doesn’t need to be a conversation just a statement of fact - let him know what you expect towards costs.

Don’t let CF’rs scare you off because they get aggressive. Start setting boundaries and find your backbone.

He sounds like a real peach.

I think id try marriage counselling and if he didn’t improve it would be divorce.

He’s really taking advantage of you . You do school run as his commutes longer , all about him. Yous earn the same yet you can pay for everything but he’s got nothing left? I don’t think so . When it was on a lads holiday he soon found it . Tell him to buck up or get out. How dare he take advantage of you like that. And he doesn’t help in the house, he’s a scrounger and a loser. You deserve more.

Are you actually married? He isn’t acting like a dad/ husband.

I think he is selfish and uncaring and the longer you put up with this bad behaviour, the worse he will get. I would feel very resentful if my husband treated me so unfairly. It’s easy to work out a fairer way : we have always had a joint bank account and each month we check our expenditure for utilities, bills etc., and put it onto a yearly Excel spreadsheet to get our total outgoings. We do the same with our income to get yearly total income. The spreadsheet works out what is left and we use that for family holidays or savings (the same amount for both of us) into individual savings accounts. Best wishes