Child’s Friend Calling DH A Racist Name

[kurotora]

I’m a bit flabbergasted at this!

DD5 (Reception) occasionally brings home a friend to play, friend’s mum doesn’t come with. DH picks them up, he also does almost every pick up and drop off so he’s the one the other kids see most.

Today the friend came back to the house and three times called DH by a racist name - “karate chops” - he’s British Vietnamese. We both looked at each other in shock. The third time I told her that she must not call him that -he’s DD’s Dad. I asked her why she called him that name but she just laughed.

AIBU to be really annoyed about this? I don’t think the child got it from her mum, who is a single parent and not British herself, she doesn’t seem like the type and she’s been very nice to us.

DD is suffering a lot of bullying in school and this has incensed me as I feel like it may be coming from another child in class.

Does he look a bit like a video game/ cartoon character that does karate?

I mean the kids only 5 so probably doesn't realise the connotations

I'd be telling off the child along the lines of it's rude to call people names so stop immediately or I will call your mother and ask her to take you home and the play date is over

I would mention it to the mum and the school.

Yeah go straight to the mum, op, racism needs to be nipped in the bud and quickly

The child probably doesn't know its racist, ofc, but go and tell her and ask her to make it stop. She'll be mortified.

Also, if dd is being bullied, I wonder if this name is going around the kids?

I agree that after you speak to the mum and explain, and she sorts it, id explain that I'm talking to the school as you think its coming from some of the other kids in class

How sad that in 2025, anti Asian racism is still thought of as a joke. Fucking disgusting.

Yanbu xx

I really am not sure that in 2025, there’s an East Asian character called “Karate Chops”

And just to be clear, I am not angry at or blaming the child. She must have heard this from somewhere, I’m concerned this is being put round by my DD’s bullies.

So as not to drip feed, we have heard a racist comment to DH from a dad of one of the bullies back when DD was in nursery. Then an incident where she was really upset that one of them told her “your dad’s not your real dad” (I am Scottish, DD is fairly white passing).

We are having to raise so many issues with school regarding this bullying but they’re absolutely rubbish. I feel I maybe should put this in the home school communication book though?

I'd not put in a book. I'd be asking for a meeting to discuss the bullying and this is a further evidence of rascist language and poor behaviour in the school

I don't want to minimise your DD's experience of other bullying that is going on, but I have never heard that term used in any style of racism. I think I would suggest speaking to mum first. It could be something entirely inoffensive and possibly misheard. But she is the one most likley to be able to get to the bottom of what is being said and why. Then if there is an issue with the school both of you can address it with the school - she's hardly going to be happy her own child is picking up racist or bad behaviour from others. Alternatively, if there is a stupid kiddy explanation that makes utterly no sense to an adult then it can be dealt with low key by mum.

Of course it’s racist!

You don’t get to state whether something is or isn’t racist because “you’ve never heard it”!

Good grief.

This

As it happened outside of school though I would speak to the mum first.

If she dismisses it or doesn't immediately apologise I wouldn't have the child round again.

People be racist when they aren’t British you know.

I'd mention it to the mum. You can't prove she picked up the phrase from someone at school though, could be a racist relative. I'd want to know if my child was saying this to people.

This school sounds horrible - is there an option to move her?

Absolutely, it just added to my impression that this seems very out of character for the mum. Obviously you never know but I think it’s relevant.

Racism like that isn't accidental. I mean, it is from the child, but the adult using it within earshot of the child would be using it intentionally.

Racism has to be confronted head on. Not excused otherwise it won't be stamped out.

We have her on the in-year transfer wait list for both other local schools, it’s just very very oversubscribed in our area.

You can be not British, have a partner and be racist.

I would talk to the mum and school separately. While the 4 year old may not know that she was rude, she needs her mum to explain that it’s not ok.

The person who said it’s not racist is very wrong. There are worse terms out there but it doesn’t mean that it wasn’t wrong. You might have missed it but the child said it three times so the chance of mishearing is basically zero.

DS used a racist expression when he was 7. I was shocked. We had a really serious conversation and I reported to the school as it definitely came from there and I wanted to be sure that they were aware that children were using these words.
I'm his case they had been learning about racism but he didn't really understand why something was bad and to be honest when I spoke to him he didn't even understand what he was saying. He just thought it was a rude word.
School were great and took it really seriously. They did some more sessions with the class about inclusion and differences. Hopefully it would have helped to protect a child who might have been being bullied.

There actually is a cartoon episode called Karate Chops. As recently as 2021.

Can you spell out why it is racist please

The level of ignorant racism on this thread is astounding!
op I would have a word with the mum and school.
if it happens again, ask for the child to be collected immediately and explain why

This isn’t something to put in the book. Talk to the teacher directly. If it hasn’t come from this child’s parent then it’s come from another child’s parent.

I would mention it to the school and ask them to give the kids a chat about it.

I would not mention it to the mum.

I was thinking this. Kinda rude - like Brits are the only people able to racist (also seriously not true). Aside from this, op if your child is being bullied aged 5 and her only friend is using racist terms, move her out of that school. She’s only going to end up hating school if she stays there any longer. And if she stays longer than that, and the bullying continues, she’ll end up hating herself. Especially if there are target comments regarding race etc.I know it can feel hard to not do the done thing and just keep them plugging away at school, but she’s FIVE. Literally just don’t send her in tomorrow if you can. She’s way too young to hate the majority of her days.

edited to add, at least go visit other schools asap.

As a British Viet, my husband has had a lifetime of Bruce Lee/Jackie Chan/karate/kung fu comments in various forms. It’s a mainstay of racist mockery against East Asians.

Speak to the parent and school. As a pp said you can politely but firmly tell the child that those words are not acceptable in your home.

My DC is in y5 and all of a sudden in the last few months he is telling me about the racist language being used at school. I’m appalled at some of the things the kids have been saying, and in these instances it is a particular Asian ethnic group making comments to other non-white children. I presume they are picking it up at home, and then off each other. DS says children report the ones saying these things and they are sent to the Head immediately. It’s horrific.