Child’s Friend Calling DH A Racist Name

[kurotora]

I’m a bit flabbergasted at this!

DD5 (Reception) occasionally brings home a friend to play, friend’s mum doesn’t come with. DH picks them up, he also does almost every pick up and drop off so he’s the one the other kids see most.

Today the friend came back to the house and three times called DH by a racist name - “karate chops” - he’s British Vietnamese. We both looked at each other in shock. The third time I told her that she must not call him that -he’s DD’s Dad. I asked her why she called him that name but she just laughed.

AIBU to be really annoyed about this? I don’t think the child got it from her mum, who is a single parent and not British herself, she doesn’t seem like the type and she’s been very nice to us.

DD is suffering a lot of bullying in school and this has incensed me as I feel like it may be coming from another child in class.

My jaw is on the floor at the posters who don’t seem to think or believe that this name is racist. Fucking hell.

Just awful 😥

The fact the DD is saying it so casually to your DH makes me think that there's a massive problem, either at home or school, with how people are talking about your DD and any other Asian classmates. I would be surprised if a 5 year old is being deliberately rude to the dad of her friend. I bet she's heard asian people (perhaps even your DD) being called this and it's normalised to her.

Unbelievable that you've had to spell this out.

The people who are saying it isn't racist - why do you think the friend has used this name specifically in relation to the OP's husband? And not OP herself? What do you think they mean by it, other than a comment on his race?

Huh, I’d put money on the mum being the one saying it! You have more faith in people than me.

she most probably thinks it’s funny. A ‘what’s his chops’, play on karate chop.

This

This is ridiculous...Just because a cartoon episode is called this..because let me guess..it's actually an episode about Karate?? And the martial arts move? Rather than calling someone 'Karate Chop'? Make it make sense.

How fucking stupid do you have to be to not see the racism? Hard to know whether to laugh or cry at the mind-blowing ignorance.

Even if you wanted to quibble the boundaries of when stereotyping based on nationality crosses the racism Rubicon (and I think that conferring a nickname based on a stereotype will quickly take you to that point), the OP's DH is Vietnamese British and karate is a Japanese martial art (so the implication is "all East Asians are the same").

I'm actually really shocked by a lot of comments on this thread! It's been an eye opener as to the level of ignorance there is around. Education is a wonderful thing and I hope this thread has made people really think what is/could be construed as racism or at least hurtful would be a start..how are we parenting the next generations?

Why are some people so insistent that this sort of name calling isn't racist, can't possibly be racist, must be something other than racist? 🙄

That's a rhetorical question. I know exactly why.

@kurotoraI understand your DH's perspective, but if I were you I'd definitely mention it to the child's mother. Since her English proficiency isn't particularly strong, she may have no idea what the phrase means and I can't imagine she would be the source. But it's worth letting her know IMO.

The school need to know too. It will be a teaching moment at some point in a lesson. Telling the school isn't about targeting a child specifically. Although if the school know and it comes up in school at some point, then the school will be aware of the bigger picture.

I’m shocked that there are people defending stuff like that. Would they go up to an East Asian person and call them Karate Chops? I can’t believe someone claimed that they Googled it and didn’t know that calling someone a racial stereotype is not ok and if their child does this then they need to be told to stop. 🙄

You’re not making sense, no.

I was going to say this same thing, there is a level of racism, overtly and entitled to be, from new immigration from my experiences at work.

I work with some East Africans in our client group and they are often scathing and offensive about West Africans, we have to teach them this.
Easter europeans that Ive worked with (clients) also tend to have very offensive views about black people but also disabled.

Makes sense to me, what are you struggling with?

My DH is British Chinese and he says the same thing. He was brought up to ignore it. Having said that, he has changed his view slightly since DS1 heard someone point a racist verbal attack towards him. The racist was not white so absolutely yes, racism can come from all races.

The mum has DEFINITELY said it in front of the child. No doubt about it

Thank you , for your eloquent and clear explanation.

I’d speak to the mum first.

About the general bullying, some schools will tend to brush things under the carpet if they can. If it’s not documented it didn’t happen. You need to make sure things are properly recorded. Put things in email so that you have a record. Specifically state that you want it entered on CPOMS or whatever system they use for safeguarding. If they can ignore it they will, you have to be pushy I’m afraid.

I wouldn’t automatically blame the child, this may have been learned from an older child or a parent.

i must be old (30) i had no idea karate chops was racist. I know when I was at school we learned about martial arts at one point and there were optional classes to take (I did not) - is it possible this name comes from a playground game/craze or a book/tv/video character your husband looks like?

reception age kids do not understand racism. There’s no point trying to have it out with the kid about how he’s being racist as he won’t know what it means.

I’ve also never heard it

Do you think the other kid's home language is English or the mum's language?

You had no idea that giving someone a nickname, seemingly based on their race, was racist?

Really?