Child’s Friend Calling DH A Racist Name

[kurotora]

I’m a bit flabbergasted at this!

DD5 (Reception) occasionally brings home a friend to play, friend’s mum doesn’t come with. DH picks them up, he also does almost every pick up and drop off so he’s the one the other kids see most.

Today the friend came back to the house and three times called DH by a racist name - “karate chops” - he’s British Vietnamese. We both looked at each other in shock. The third time I told her that she must not call him that -he’s DD’s Dad. I asked her why she called him that name but she just laughed.

AIBU to be really annoyed about this? I don’t think the child got it from her mum, who is a single parent and not British herself, she doesn’t seem like the type and she’s been very nice to us.

DD is suffering a lot of bullying in school and this has incensed me as I feel like it may be coming from another child in class.

amazing the array of people here saying it’s not racist because the child may think the OP’s husband looks like a specific imaginary cartoon character who goes to another school.

Do you mean he may look like them as in - has similar bright green glasses? A distinctive white streak in his beard? Has a cute dimple when he smiles? Or just HE LOOKS ASIAN. Because I suspect it’s the latter and if so then that is not good enough is it? If I went up to every random black woman when I was a child shouting “Floella!!!” after the lady off playschool I hope someone would have asked me to stop and explained why, and that’s not as bad as this is because at least it’s someone’s name.

My God. It IS racist. As a fucking British-East Asian, it is racist.

Denying it makes you the problem.

ETA: and because you like to bang on that it’s not racist and merely offensive, I’ll tell you this: if someone said the phrase to me, I would deem it racist and not offensive. Stick that in your pipe. Your whole ignorant thesis out the window.

If you've already asked your daughter's friend to stop being a racist prick after telling them not to say "karate chop" — don't have that child in your house. It's that simple.

We’ve previously used the word ‘chops’ meaning face in the place I grew up, so something would be said miserable chops if someone looked sad or happy chops for happy, so I went straight to thinking because your husband is Asian, they are using karate chops, due to his looks and yes my thoughts were that it’s a very racist thing to say x

Has David Cameron joined the chat with this patronising guff?

Why is it patronising to agree to disagree?

Your “comments” (stated as gospel fact at 11.32, not your “opinions”) are so so harmful and ignorant. That’s why people have picked you up on your posts. Frankly, unless you are a British-East Asian, your comments don’t hold weight. You’ve otherwise never experienced comments like this, ergo, you don’t have a lived experience, ergo, you don’t know what you’re talking about.

Frankly, you’re being OFFENSIVE to those of us who have experienced similar comments, so just stop. It’s embarrassing.

Ignore them, they’re trolling on several threads

So he’s called ‘karate’ and it’s clear that this is linked to his SE Asian race, but it’s not racist. Why isn’t it racist then, isn’t that the whole point of race based slurs?

Thanks. I get that @MagsterMum is trying to say this wasn’t racist, but her reasoning is unclear.

It’s not. But telling some to, “Please. Just calm down” is patronising. As is the guff about deep breaths.

But the same poster calling me stupid is okay? She’s lucky I’m only being ‘patronising’ and not responding back in the same aggressive tone that she is using.

Lovely, so you’ve said your “opinion”, no need to keep coming back on here and telling us it’s not racist and cementing in society that these kind of phrases are totally passable, just a tad offensive.

Your crusade on pointless semantics really helping kids out there. Cheers.

Nope. Never said ‘tad’ offensive. I said name calling is offensive. No-one should be on the receiving end of name calling.

That’s an odd inference to make, but I guess it’s deflection. You’re uncomfortable defending your opinions?

I'm not being aggressive, just mocking your level of ignorance. Really, I'm being generous by assuming your ignorance to be genuine (and not faux-ignorant, racist apologism).

But hey, let's see if we can help you out. You've said that calling a British Vietnamese person "karate chop" is offensive; care to explain why its offensive? Would it be an equally offensive name to confer upon someone who is White British?

To assist you in your analysis (so that you don't have to delve into when stereotyping by nationality is or is not racist) let me point out that:

1. karate originated from, and is famously associated with, Japan.

1. Japan and Vietnam are different countries (separated by roughly the same distance as the UK from Azerbaijan).

1. Karate is not notably popular in Vietnam (in fact, it's far more popular and established in the UK).

You aren’t the arbiter in this situation of what’s offensive FYI! That’s the whole point of racism.

And you didn’t address my earlier point: I am British-East Asian. I wouldn’t consider “karate chops” offensive because I’d think the person saying it a fucking idiot and pity them. I cant ve offended by someone I pity. However, I do think the phrase is racist.

The OP has said she finds it racist. You keep on derailing this thread by ignorantly maintaining it isn’t. God, why? Why would you reduce OP’s feelings and invalidate like this? Take a hint.

And, yes, I did report your posts.

You got a shitload more patience than me!

I went to primary school in 1996. Karate chops was a racist insult used then. That has 100% come from an adult. I'd raise it with the school tbh, it could have been a part of the bullying that DD hasn't mentioned

I’ve just re-read this…. It is racist but you also have to think about how a 5 year old may see a Japanese person and a Vietnamese as looking similar they are still so young and may not differentiate ethnicity between people yet, that said she may have watched some karate film/programme and that’s where it’s come from. I’m not excusing it just trying to play devils advocate. Also if the parents don’t know this is being said how can they educate going forward?
Also bullying in reception….. WTF! That’s terrible. What kind of things is your DD saying to make you think she’s being bullied?

Was that a little joke in there too?

I see too that you’re answering my point.

Clearly baiting