Child’s Friend Calling DH A Racist Name

[kurotora]

I’m a bit flabbergasted at this!

DD5 (Reception) occasionally brings home a friend to play, friend’s mum doesn’t come with. DH picks them up, he also does almost every pick up and drop off so he’s the one the other kids see most.

Today the friend came back to the house and three times called DH by a racist name - “karate chops” - he’s British Vietnamese. We both looked at each other in shock. The third time I told her that she must not call him that -he’s DD’s Dad. I asked her why she called him that name but she just laughed.

AIBU to be really annoyed about this? I don’t think the child got it from her mum, who is a single parent and not British herself, she doesn’t seem like the type and she’s been very nice to us.

DD is suffering a lot of bullying in school and this has incensed me as I feel like it may be coming from another child in class.

No one swore at you. No need to be so dramatic (and inaccurate). The other poster used the expression "fuck all" about an idea.

I find it interesting that @Changeminds20 chose to take issue with that one word in my post. That would appear to suggest that she thinks language is important and that it's the right thing to do to challenge language that you don't like.

And yet she doesn't think that anything should be done to educate a child who has made blatantly racist comments because we should apparently just accept that kids will be kids and we can't control what others say.

Without swearing at anyone in particular, I would like to suggest that that's mightily fucked up.

Oh op, I am really sorry to hear. Hope you get to the bottom of it

Very well put. Your other post was spot on as well.

Amen.

No but I’m not going to have a discussion with someone who thinks it’s ok to swear at me. Simple as that. I’m done 👍🏼

I didn't swear at you, as you well know. And there is no rule against swearing on MN. But if it's easier for you to use my choice of wording as a reason to bow out of the conversation because you can't find any other way to defend your position, I understand.

Anyway, it's fine. I've already said all that I wanted to say.

’Boooooring’

You don't have to keep coming back if it's boring you. Other threads are available.

Are you a little uneducated???? I’ve said it’s a racist comment!? Can you read???? Do you argue with a brick wall!?! And I’ll say it again…. I don’t have discussions with people who choose swearing as a form of trying to get their point across. It’s not very classy!

Yes, you did say that it was a racist comment but you didn't think it needed to be addressed in any way because kids will be kids and we can't control what people say. Which was somewhat ironic, given that you then started to object to my use of language, but whatever.

You have realised that you are unable to defend your point so you're now resorting to insults. That's fine, I understand that you have nothing else left to fall back on.

Enjoy the rest of your evening.

Five year old children have only a very vague concept of race at all, it's too abstract. Children are not just tiny adults.

They may know something is rude and annoying and do it for that reason, which is also developmentally normal. Or, they may just think it's quite funny. Many aren't sensitive souls.

Most 5 year olds have a fairly undeveloped sense of others as people with their own interior lives, and are not good at understanding the emotional and interior intellectual lives of others. There is also a large normal range in terms of cognitive development among children of that age. .

It's probably a good thing you wouldn't come into contact with a child saying something that we adults know to be inappropriate as you don't seem remotely capable of dealing with it.

For someone apparently so concerned about being "classy", your string of (completely unwarranted) insults, here, spectacularly misses the mark.

I think despite 5 year olds probably being unaware of racism, they should be taught to never call other people by anything other than their names. No random nicknames. It is a simple rule.

Racial prejudice towards East Asians in the UK and US has been tremendous since Covid and has even resulted in violent beatings and deaths. Just because they tend towards a quietist attitude like OP's DH does not mean the racism does not exist. My friend's daughter is mixed race - white and Indian (from NE India)- and looks slightly east asian. She has been called 'chink' in her NI school. All of this is more widespread than you think and it comes from other migrant/minority groups as well.

No one or at least most people on this thread aren’t suggesting East Asians don’t suffer racism. Of course they do. Always have done.

All ethnic minorities have reported an uptick in racism over the last few years actually.

Other minorities can be prejudice towards East Asians too yes, and they in turn can be prejudiced towards other minorities too.

ETA: it’s absolutely disgusting that any child (or adult for that matter) is getting called the C slur. I’m so glad I wasn’t raised like that. These children are getting it from their parents/relatives in most cases.

I’ve endured vicious racist attacks from children and adults since I was 5 years old. I know that 5 year olds understand racism, even if it’s as basic as knowing that certain words are only used towards people who look different (race). I’m guessing that you are white and/or never experienced racism. Shut up with your privilege.

Well, given 90% of your posts have been deleted by MN (ironically I think also the one where you told us to report them and let MN decide if you were being racist and apologist), your opinion is indeed wrong!

It's not obviously racist, the kid could have seen a kung fu movie, cartoon etc, and he likes this, and as another kid has a parent who looks like this, he's innocently called him kung fu dad.

You could argue that there are racist connotations behind it, but then you're starting to look very deeply into a comment froma 5 year old. I'd monitor, quick word with the other mom. Who will likely be mortified, as you already seem to have a grasp of her OP.

Read the thread.

”racist” doesn’t mean “mean against someone of race X”…

Also, errrr, point in action, kung fu ain’t Vietnamese. So, it’s lumping races together that is racist. The comment is racist.

Sorry - what shall I google exactly? That's such an easy thing for you to say. "Go educate yourself". And yes I do think people should explain because "racism" is thrown around so casually today that it actually makes it worse. This was a kid saying this. A lot of racism is about intent as well as language.

I can’t believe people are saying terms are not racist simply because they haven’t heard of them. Such an unintelligent thing to say.

Well this is quite an un-intelligent thing to say as well. How does anyone know any word until they've heard it / read it for the first time?

I've heard plenty of words be said which are 100% racist but didn't know until I asked. E.g. my ex FIL used a word when speaking of a certain race, I asked my husband what the word meant and he said it was a derogatory / racist term for people from a certain country. I was about 29 and I had never heard that word. So don't try and make people feel stupid. I asked people on this thread to explain exactly why the phrase is racist, but no one has. Because they can't, it's easier to cry "racism" than understand it.

Literally TENS of people have explained why it’s racist.

Wow. “Cry racism” just wow.
Many posters have explained to you why it’s racist.
As for ‘trying to make you look stupid’, you’ve managed that perfectly well yourself.

Thanks. Quote me a post where someone has explained. This is the problem - I wasn't playing down the importance of this with the phrase "cry racism". But the constant "oh is that racist", "oh, should I be offended by that?", takes away from the real problems that people face every day with regards to racism.

Everyone is expected to know what language and words to use and next thing, they're offensive. I am not arguing that the phrase / name "karate chop" is not offensive or racist. But I am also not going to be told that it is with no explanation or background. And please the "lumping together of stereotypes" in this case doesn't really fit.

You say "educate yourself", well tell me then. Or offer a link to educate me. Like I said, on google I can't find anything to explain this.