Child’s Friend Calling DH A Racist Name

[kurotora]

I’m a bit flabbergasted at this!

DD5 (Reception) occasionally brings home a friend to play, friend’s mum doesn’t come with. DH picks them up, he also does almost every pick up and drop off so he’s the one the other kids see most.

Today the friend came back to the house and three times called DH by a racist name - “karate chops” - he’s British Vietnamese. We both looked at each other in shock. The third time I told her that she must not call him that -he’s DD’s Dad. I asked her why she called him that name but she just laughed.

AIBU to be really annoyed about this? I don’t think the child got it from her mum, who is a single parent and not British herself, she doesn’t seem like the type and she’s been very nice to us.

DD is suffering a lot of bullying in school and this has incensed me as I feel like it may be coming from another child in class.

Doesn’t matter if you’re doubtful. It offended the DH and the OP. So, it’s game over.

Even google doesn’t know everything. If you called someone a sallow chopstick botherer I doubt google would recognise the turn of phrase but it would still be racist and offensive for example if you called a colleague that you should be sacked.

And for the poster earlier who I presume was joking - northern isn’t a race.

Instead of arguing over whether it is racist or not posters should be considering that the person being called the (imo very obviously racist) name does not like it. That should be enough!

I understand your Dh not wanting to highlight it but I would want to know if my child was being rude and would also want the school to know. If there’s any possibility that it’s coming from school and effecting your dd or anyone else then school needs to know.

No, sorry. Not having it. It isn’t “clearly [not racist]”.

It’s not for one person to say if it’s racist or not. In the same way, I don’t find slights against my race offensive/racist but I’d absolutely stand with someone from my race who did find it racist.

A 4 year old is not racist. Your DH probably shares a few physical similarities to the cartoon character that the child has seen. It's not a massive deal to be brought up with the school, just explain gently but firmly to the child that it's not acceptable and explain why.

This child probably doesn't even know what race is! He just needs it spelled out to him what racism is, why it's offensive and why we don't say things like that. He's 4 ffs.

are you in a very white area? Its clearly something the child has heard. I bet the dad has referred to you as such as a joke and the kid thinks theyre being funny or clever.
Id absolutely tell the mum and id also tell the child that its not ok to make fun of people. Ask them why they are calling him that, and that he doesnt do karate, so why have they chosen that to call him?
Id tell him that 1, we dont call people names, and 2. you definitely dont call adults names to make fun of them as that is rude.

People saying it’s not racist - if you heard your child say this would you not stop them?

OP I would want to know if I had heard my child say this, at 5 they may just be repeating rather than being deliberately racist but as a parent I would certainly put a stop to it immediately.

There is no such cartoon character. It’s an invention by the racism apologists on this thread.

What did you Google? As, again, there is nothing wrong with the words themselves - the issue is with addressing an Asian person as ‘Karate Chops’. Much like there’s nothing wrong with Oreos, but referring to a Black person as one is racist.

So, did you Google ‘is it racist to call an Asian person Karate Chops’? Or just ‘karate chops’?

The issue is with assigning a random stereotype or something tangentially related to a person’s heritage to them. Even if the person saying it literally made it up on the spot and nobody has ever used it as a racial epithet before (which actually isn’t the case here) it would still be racist.

As often happens on MN, I cannot believe I have to explain something quite this basic to another adult.

It’s stereotyping definitely. A bit like someone upthread said about people from Yorkshire constantly referred to as flat cap, thick and whippet owning. It’s a preconception linked to where a person comes from. Unpleasant and offensive.

I’ll be honest here, anyone saying it’s not racist is dreaming. You could Google Jackie Chan and get nothing but fan pages and film reviews, but calling a random East Asian man “Jackie Chan” is racist af. Making “kung fu noises” at an East Asian is offensive. It is on the same level as calling them chink or slitty eyes. It’s boring, repetitive, stupid and sadly very very common racist bullshit. And I assure you, someone like my husband who was born and grew up in the UK has heard it all ad nauseum for 4 decades.

And for the love of dog, there is no Asian cartoon character called “Karate Chops” on TV.

Unfortunately it seems that racism towards East Asians is minimised where it certainly wouldn’t be towards some other groups. It should all be equally unacceptable.

The AIBU was not “is this a racist term”, because I felt that was extremely obvious.

Why don't you just speak to the mum? At 5 I wouldn't be overly harsh as don't have full awareness the child may know it's rude. Not racists at 5 years old.

Clearly racist, and clearly copied from an adult. But what on earth is going on with a 5 year old kid calling her friends dad names?!! This doesn’t sound like a well brought up child and I’d be seriously considering not having my child mixing with her again. Little shit!

If you have to ask then maybe have a look at yourself

I don't think that a 5 year old would have any comprehension of how awful it was to use that phrase. I would talk to the mother to see if she has any idea and also the school. The school should be on this 100%. The child will have picked up the phrase from somewhere.

A four year old isn’t racist but when she uses a term like this she is using racist language and if it isn’t corrected and she is taught differently she will think that’s an acceptable way to behave and yeah over time essentially become racist.

People don’t magically develop a knowledge of right and wrong etc that’s why we have to parent them, it’s not just about making sure they don’t walk into traffic.

YA definitely NBU. It's obviously racist. Depressing how much 'it isn't racist' nonsense there is on this thread.

So sorry your DD is experiencing bullying at school too.

I think I would have a chat to the mum as you seem to have a good relationship with her, and also raise it with the school. Good luck and I hope your DD gets a place at a school she is happier at soon.

”don’t think the child got it from her mum, who is a single parent and not British herself, she doesn’t seem like the type”

quite literally saying her being not british = not the one giving the kid racist terms

I like that

In the playground when my son was little (he’s 21 now) I heard a child calling another child (who was black ) ‘monkey boy’ I was horrified and complained to the TA in the playground, later on, the TA approached me and said the parents said it was fine, they called him that themselves. I think
they just didn’t want to make a fuss, I’d say - make a fuss, it’s not right, and the only way that things change

I voted YABU as you are talking about a 5 year old. All you need to do is gently explain why it isn’t appropriate to say that.

You are right that it’s racist. I’m afraid that almost certainly this kid got the comment from home or school. Nothing you can do about home but you can let the school know.