Fecking sports day

[HippyKayYay]

DD is in yr 7 and I've just found out they still have sports day - in secondary. DD is unsporty, uncoordinated and uncompetitive. She hates it. I hated it. I still hate it. It's miserable for her. She tries her best and is very supportive of her mates. But it still makes her feel shit about herself and has done every year that she's had to do it. Despite all our positive reinforcement and conversations about taking part, blah di blah di blah... And I thought we were finally done with it (for her) when she left primary last year. But no...

She is active, gets movement and exercise in ways she enjoys, btw. So it's not about that. But it really hacks me off. No one is making kids do maths or art or science competitively and in public. So why is it ok to make them do this for sport?

Btw - I have a younger DC who is super sporty and fast. But they also hate sports day (finds it really stressful and gets very nervous).

Why do schools do this? Why is it ok to do this for sport but not other subjects? It's just bloody mean to unsporty/ uncoordinated kids...

Could she be not feeling very well on the day?

😉🫣😬

Cue all the 'we all have to do things we don't like' martyrs.

i really think sports day should be optional in high school- is it definitely not? I’d not, maybe she might be poorly on that day and unable to attend…

How is it done in the school? DD is a slow but fairly competent runner who can run 1500m she needs to do one event and that is what she does and usually finishes 7-12 out of 16 because though slow she has stamina

she does the one event and that is it for the day!

My son is in secondary and they have to sign up to take part in events on sports day and those that don’t want to, just do a normal school day.

My kids aren't sporty and didn't like primary sports day - but didn't mind secondary one. They either sat out with their mates talking - or picked up some more usual sports to have a go at with minimal expectations.

I hated my secondary one (later found out had dsypraixa and asthma ) so was prepared for them to be ill that day but some years they actually seemed to enjoy it - the tug of war one year being a high light.

Generally though their school PE department has been much better at having fun and encouaging a wide range of activities rather than destroying confidence of 90% of pupils like my 90 secondary did.

Are you sure she needs to compete?

Normally at secondary the students can choose to compete Or not.

My DCs school used to get the sports captain from each year group/house to choose who was doing what but only if students wanted to join in. The others just cheered on from the sidelines

Just keep her home. My DS stayed home for every one from Year 7 onwards. He’d have gone in happily for the competitive maths, history, French and German stage competitions in front of an audience of parents that they never had.

I had 2 DCs that were very sporty at school. They loved Sports Day, I thought it was great and I don’t think I “got” that some people hated it.
Then I had DS3 who wasn’t remotely sporty, suffered with anxiety anyway and absolutely dreaded the thought. Over the years I gradually realised that I was just putting him through something that made him really unhappy, didn’t help his “resilience” that I mistakenly thought it might build and so he stopped attending.
A few months ago he told me (he’s now 16) that he was so happy when I finally let go of it and rescued him from them!

She is funnily very resistant to this. They had a fucking compulsory sponsored run a few months ago that she was so stressed about having to do and not wanting to come last. I told her she could stay home that day, but she didn't want to. There was so much stress and tears in the run up though. It's so hard too at this age, when they care so much about what their peers think of them.

My DC's secondary school makes them sign up for minimum 1 event, then they spend the rest of the day spectating if not taking part. I asked him to try the first one and he hated it so he's been "unwell" on each one since. Such a waste of a day forthose not into sports, he'd rather be in a classroom.

She'd be up for tug of war!

I think she's dyspraxic too. She is autistic and ADHD, and dyspraxia fits with the challenges she's had with anything balance related (learning to scoot, ride a bike, climb things, get on and off escalators, etc).

She would absolutely hate to be let off it for this reason though. She doesn't want to be 'different'

I'm pretty sure they do. Although not in all categories/ events

I would happily do this, but she really doesn't want to be excused from it (which I know is illogical - but she's autistic and ADHD, so sometimes can be very contrary!)

Well my old secondary and DC school it was a house meeting and option sign up - it really depends how your DC school does it.

It could be worth sending an e-mail to form tutor/head of year explain she worried and asking if she can opt out or do a fun group thing like tug of war - very least get a better idea of how it's set up.

A PP said something about parents being there - whole school being out is common but clearly not universal from some posts but parents at secondary I've not heard of - it may happen but not at schools my family have gone to.

parents are invited to DD's... Not sure how many will go though.

My DD hates sports day, she cannot run, is uncoordinated and slow. All they do is running races. She does other activities for exercise but just cant run fast at all.

She is in year 7 also and did all the sports days in primary school. Coming last in the running races.

I have said she can stay off as she is getting stressed about it. I dont know why they force them in High School as not all kids are sporty.

Oh no, such a shame she doesn’t feel well on the day!

Yes, DD came last in most things in primary. It's so bloody heartbreaking and demoralising. I'm all for building up resilience, but having your shortcomings repeatedly displayed in public, in front of the people you care about (friends) is not the way to do it...

Can you imagine if they did this with maths or art? There'd be a bloody outcry...

My secondary school had a mandatory xc race and some sporty kids sprinted around but the rest of us just walked it. My kids school have athletics competitions and it is opt in which seems a fairer way to do it. There are lots of house points on offer so some less competitive kids do get cajoled into it but they can still say a big fat ‘no’ if they like.

Honestly, we tried this with the compulsory sponsored run, but DD was adament she didn't want to skip it. They had to do quite a few 'training' sessions in PE (same with sports day - weekly PE has been all about 'training' for the different events), so in many ways the stress came from that as the actual event itself. She felt that if she was 'ill' that day, everyone would know it was because she didn't want to do the running race and she was worried about what people would think (an ongoing and big issue for her - exaccerbated by her ND and always feeling like she doesn't quite fit or isn't quite doing things 'right').

yes this is much more sensible. Let the sporty competitive ones do it if they want to and enjoy it. It's the compulsory taking part that's the issue really.

I have a teen who is on the national development squad for a tough endurance sport. He also hates school sports day! Was delighted to be away on a training camp and miss it this year. There is a lot of pressure on the sporty kids to do well at sports day. Most of them seem to hate it too, I only know one kid who is excited about it!

I wish schools would move on from this. It's such an old fashioned way of thinking.

Imagine if every child has to take part in a public maths or spelling tests. There would be an outcry!

Neither of my kids do well at sports day. They both hate running. One of them planned and completed a 15 mile hike the other weekend. The other one dances, cycles, hikes, and skates. They are both fit. They're just not athletic.

Schools need to move on and recognize that there's more to sport than being good at athletics!

They really do. I have a suspicion that the PE teachers at DD's school are a certain (sporty) personality type that have no patience or sympathy or even understanding of what it's like to be unsporty and to hate organised sport. My PE teachers (30 odd years ago now) seemed to have a bit of a malicious streak - as in they enjoyed calling out kids who weren't very good or were unenthusiastic. I get the impression that DD's PE teachers have a bit of that going on too. I spoke to one of them about her anxiety about the compulsory sponsored run, and they just said that me or DH should take her out running regularly to get some practice in. In other words, she didn't 'get it'.

At DDs school the sporty ones sign up for their preferred events and then the social minded ones fill in gaps. DD does discus. Most if the afternoon is just sitting around chatting.