Fecking sports day

[HippyKayYay]

DD is in yr 7 and I've just found out they still have sports day - in secondary. DD is unsporty, uncoordinated and uncompetitive. She hates it. I hated it. I still hate it. It's miserable for her. She tries her best and is very supportive of her mates. But it still makes her feel shit about herself and has done every year that she's had to do it. Despite all our positive reinforcement and conversations about taking part, blah di blah di blah... And I thought we were finally done with it (for her) when she left primary last year. But no...

She is active, gets movement and exercise in ways she enjoys, btw. So it's not about that. But it really hacks me off. No one is making kids do maths or art or science competitively and in public. So why is it ok to make them do this for sport?

Btw - I have a younger DC who is super sporty and fast. But they also hate sports day (finds it really stressful and gets very nervous).

Why do schools do this? Why is it ok to do this for sport but not other subjects? It's just bloody mean to unsporty/ uncoordinated kids...

I hated Sports Day, and I was a teacher! Fortunately I was responsible for exam concessions and there were always A levels on that day, so I had to be in exam rooms.
My school eventually adopted heats in lessons so only the finalists ran the races on Sports Day. Everyone got to go home early at the end.

It shouldn't be compulsory. The sporty kids should be allowed their moment of course but no one needs to be humiliated or feel so bad about it in the process.

We had the choice of things like javelin and shot put, which were usually done in a corner of the field, away from people, and were not so competitive and obvious. I always encourage my (sports day hating) children to enthusiastically sign up for this if it's compulsory, as there is far less pressure. I dreaded sports day and this is what my friends and I would do. We were so 'enthusiastic' to do shot put (ie get in there first so we didn't have to run or be visible) that teachers often remarked how positively we were signing up 😂

At least your DD'S sports day is at her school.

We have to traipse to another school 5 miles away which has a proper running track, but is the other side of a large town, with a car park designed by Satan himself which is not capable of suddenly taking on an additional entire 9 form entry secondary school at rush hour.

To do this, we all drive past the perfectly acceptable (and newer) council running track 0.5 miles away from our school. With a massive car park with traffic lights on exit!

All for 1 event per child.

Agree it’s shit.

My oldest daughter is only in year 2 but has been mentioning sports day anxiety since Christmas! She felt publicly humiliated and spent the day in tears :(

Watching with interest because I want to know how to handle this going forward, from those with older kids.
I’m not a fan of letting her skip things she hates and I want to be open and honest with her school, but I’m not convinced taking part is actually going to do her any good. Still have my own unpleasant memories of it decades later.

I suppose it wouldn’t work to ask if some kids could hand out water or keep score instead… too many would probably want to do those jobs instead of taking part.

Pull her out of school for the day and don't give it another thought. Blame it on a bad period. Honestly, no-one will care. Take her for a walk on a beach.

My happy, enthusiastic ds was made utterly miserable by primary school sports day. I tried to encourage him. Did all I was supposed to.

After the year 6 day, in the car home, he very calmly and quietly told me that if he ever had to do that again, he would kill himself. 😳

It has taken six years of a brilliant set of sports teachers at his lovely senior school to rebuild his confidence.

Don't put your DD through it. Spare her.

Fellow mum of non sporty dc here. Secondary is quite different to primary. At my dc school they sign up if they want but don’t have to and get to sit on the bleachers at the athletics track with face paints and cheering on their team. They actually quite enjoy it.

Secondary school sports days tend to be a bit of a low key muddle with nobody taking much notice of anyone unless they are one of the top few sports people in the school. I would encourage your daughter not to overthink it.

I had sports day all the way to secondary up to GSCE. I was deeply unsporty and a bit fat. Honestly, it was a day of mostly sitting around chatting to friends while not paying any attention to the races etc. I used to volunteer for shotput and javelin which were undertaken mostly by fellow skivers at the far end of the sports field.

More seriously, I think that it's fine to be bad at something? I think that it's good to listen to your daughter's worries but I wouldn't let her know your outrage - this does sound a bit like you agree that it is inherently traumatic to be exposed as not being good at sport, when in fact I don't think that is right. It's fine to be bad at sport/be slow in a race etc. I think that this is a moment she can learn resilience and not to catastophise.

Haha I actually had not seen the other comment above regarding shot put and javelin. Evidently this was a common strategy!

Never was that great at athletics but over time learnt that it was nice to be able to give some of the kids that were less academic and more sporty a chance to shine. The world isn't always about doing what you want to do all the time.

Slightly annoying though that there were some irritants that were great at everything.

I never understood the angst about sports day.... because at our school, if you wanted to take part you first took part in some trials (if there were too many children) and then on the day, the sporty ones did their thing and the less sporty ones were spectators, cheerleaders, drinks organisers etc. I assume it was considered an appropriate learning experience at a more cultural level - some sport, community spirit etc. We all loved it. Even the kids who hated this kind of thing did because they would just slope off to a corner and gossip and chat and ignore all the rest.

Then I discovered that in the UK lots of sports days require evry child to compete and the whole thing is just too awful for words. Thank god my DC's school makes all children attend, but competing is optional.

I’ve not read the whole thread yet….. but could not agree with this more 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

I never 'got' school sports days. It was all about athletics &, even when I was in primary school, I felt it excluded those children who weren't sporty.

For context: I was a gifted gymnast - I competed for the County & was never happier than when I was handspringing, cartwheeling or hanging off a bar upside down. I was also good at the long jump & always won sprints. Regretfully I developed a problem with my knees when I was about 13/14 years old when they would dislocate - this ended (what was promising to be) a very successful career.

My best friend throughout primary & secondary school was not at all sporty. She was very clever, had a talent for music, but she hated PE. Sports day for my friend was a trial and I felt for her & other people like her. I remember that I would stay with her when we were doing cross country runs - to the extent that I got a detention because our PE teacher felt that I could/should have done better & left her to finish the run on her own.

Sports day was torture for my friend. I refused to compete because I felt that if she was excluded I couldn't compete either - another detention in secondary school.

I'd like to think that things have changed since the 1970's, but I doubt it.

Can you talk to the form tutor and ask if she could help instead of at least one event? We had to do 3 events at our secondary sports day so I would be in charge of putting the pole on the high jumper it got knocked off (2 house points), long jump (because it was at the other end of the field so hardly anyone was watching, 1 house point) and discus because hardly anyone did it so I would get 2 house points for participation and 2 for coming 7th out of 7.

DS is super sporty, loves sports day, wins the trophies etc.

DD is the exact opposite, hates any form of physical exercise and doesn't see the point of it. She embraces it 😁. She knows she's going to come last, tells her friends someone has to so she's doing them a favour, she routinely gets the biggest cheer and tonnes of encouragement from her friends who lap her 😂 with the biggest smile on her face and lots of "well done!"s. She's participating and that's enough for her. She's being a good sport.

TBH, her sports days are a lot more fun than DS's!

As I said, I'd happily do this, but she contrarily doesn't want to be 'let off it'

She has autism and ADHD. Asking her to 'not overthink' is like asking her to run fast. She just can't do it (yet)

I get this. does she get to choose her competition? I recommend long jump. It's extremely short, no one pays much attention, it's done one at a time so any huge differences between individuals is less noticeable and she's done.

ie help her to select the least painful and upsetting option.

Honestly, I absolutely think it's fine to be not good at things. I am not good at many things. I'm just not made to do them publicly, competitively, in front of people who I really care what they think about me (aka all classmates for a 12-yo girl).

We do talk about this a lot. We talk about our strengths and weaknesses. But it doesn't make it any less soul-destroying for her

And no, I don't think it's 'traumatic'. But I do think it's shit and unnecessary

Compulsory engagmeent and open to parents as well - honestly it sounds like hell.

Either you talk her into being ill that day or try for less popular sports - shot put was another of my kids favorite - or talk to someone else at the school and see if they are better than previous PE teacher and have any helpful suggestions.

How are they doing it?
Ours -year 7- was on an opt in basis per event. Everyone had to opt into 2 that ranged from serious races to fun stuff. Burgers and hotdogs for lunch plus ice lollies. It was actually fun ;)

god she'd hate that! She doesn't want people to know she can't do it. If she was singled out for this kind of special treatment she'd be mortified

My group of friends used to compete to see who could be last in any race. So much more fun 😃

Well at that point it's up to her. There isn't some magical third option whereby the school suddenly decide to cancel it just because of your dd. They will have had multiple kids every year that hate sports day, they obviously know not everyone loves it, but for whatever reason they think it's worth doing.

It sounds like you're giving it more headspace than she is and making it a bigger deal than it needs to be. Just say to her "yes it's rubbish but there will be lots of things in life that you don't want to do and dont see the point in. I'm happy to write you a note if you don't go in but it's up to you."