Fecking sports day

[HippyKayYay]

DD is in yr 7 and I've just found out they still have sports day - in secondary. DD is unsporty, uncoordinated and uncompetitive. She hates it. I hated it. I still hate it. It's miserable for her. She tries her best and is very supportive of her mates. But it still makes her feel shit about herself and has done every year that she's had to do it. Despite all our positive reinforcement and conversations about taking part, blah di blah di blah... And I thought we were finally done with it (for her) when she left primary last year. But no...

She is active, gets movement and exercise in ways she enjoys, btw. So it's not about that. But it really hacks me off. No one is making kids do maths or art or science competitively and in public. So why is it ok to make them do this for sport?

Btw - I have a younger DC who is super sporty and fast. But they also hate sports day (finds it really stressful and gets very nervous).

Why do schools do this? Why is it ok to do this for sport but not other subjects? It's just bloody mean to unsporty/ uncoordinated kids...

I think some schools could be more inclusive and work harder to make it an event for everyone.

But I do wonder what sort of message it teaches kids when you tell them anything they don't like or want to participate in they can just bail. It just encourages them that the world should be all about them and not about what other people might want.

What sort of lesson is it for future life when you are led to believe you can bail out on anything you don't like ?

Yes it probably won't hurt that much for them to miss one day per year. But OTOH it won't hurt them that much to put up with a single day of stuff they don't like.

Far better for them to learn how to turn something they don't like into a positive than just learn they can avoid stuff.

I would be far more interested in writing a note to a teacher asking them if they could be more inclusive and involve more kids in organising/other events and make suggestions for alternative things associated with it than writing out sick notes.

You are absolutely right. I hated sport thanks to the way my secondary school taught PE. It was mixed and we were forced to play football and rugby (which I know lots of women love) but the boys didn’t want us to join in and played the game amongst themselves and we were then berated for not joining in. Had we been able to select the activities we wanted to do (and made them more interesting) I don’t think I’d have developed the hatred for organised sports i currently have!

I also agree with a pp who said that many sports teachers don’t understand kids who aren’t sporty and think they just aren’t trying hard enough.

For those saying you shouldn’t let kids opt out of things they don’t like, or what about the kids allowed to shine in other subjects, surely it’s completely different in front of crowds of parents and peers staring at you? Even if they are only interested in their own child, that isn’t really how it feels.

Its one event per year where maybe some kids who arent academic get to show things they are good at. If someone is good at maths should we make sure they dont get to answer questions in class in case it upsets the children who dont know the answers

Unless the parents of the other kids are there watching its not the same

My high school PE teacher watched the class treat me like shit every lesson and did FA about it. Every time it came to pick a team i was always picked last That wasnt the worst of it The two teams actually argued with each other saying "you have Jennifer We had her last time" Moaned constantly at me even though i was trying my best. THEN had the gall to come to me and ask me to make up the numbers for Sports Day. I reminded them of the way they treated me and pointed out they would just moan at me if i wasnt fast enough They swore they wouldnt I didnt believe them. Would YOU!! If i had believed them it would have been similar to a woman believing an abusive partner when he says hes changed. So THATS why i told them to shove it. You and others talk about resiliance and learning not to duck out of things. Well what about SELF RESPECT. Because the way to keep mine was to say no. I could not have respected myself if i had said yes!!!!

I love this!

Absolutely. What message are we sending to our children if every time they are asked to do something they dont want to, is out of their comfort zone or they arent very good at they get a note from mummy excusing them. Life brings challenges that we are not all going to find easy. Its an important skill to be able to cope under these circumstances.

Will mummy do that when they in the working environment?

I loathed sports day when I was at school for all the reasons cited above. Then, when I was a teacher, I resented being forced to attend and be a lines person or whatever at school sports day. No other subject made other teachers join in their subject for the day.

The only good thing about going to a school that’s still 70% closed due to RAAC (which NO NEWS Channel or the Government is talking about!) is that there’s been no sports day. In your shoes I’d keep her off school.

I worry how they will fare in the work place in a few years. Already now we have young people who refuse to take on any task given to them if they feel it's out of their comfort zone and who have to take regular mental health duvet days. What if trainee doctors or nursing students acted that way or any range of professionals who society depends on?

If workplaces were holding competitions to which they invite the employees families and the whole company to spectate and then give prizes to the 'winners' then yeah, I'd probably take a duvet day too.

But obvs they're not. Because enforced public competition at school isn't equivalent to coping in the workplace. And as many, many responses to this thread indicate being made to do it doesn't instil resilience or grit or any of that total bullshit. It just makes those who always come last (and it is always the same ones) feel crap about themselves (physically) and hate organised sport.

I was similar. I didnt get in the school teams and i would get similar treatment when teams were picked.

I went home crying about it, i remember my dads response. He didnt write me a note. He didnt complain to the school. He asked me what i wanted to do about it. I spent an entire summer holidays running and getting fit. I joined as many sports clubs as i could and my dad, bless him, took me to every single one of them. He spent hours on the school field with me as i practiced.

I ended up in every school team on merit. When school sports day came about i was chosen for most of the distance events. I didnt ever win as i didnt have natural talent but i became extremely good at my chosen sport and left most of the sporty children behind over the years.

The biggest lesson i got from it was that just because i wasnt naturally good at something didnt mean i couldnt get better with practice and effort. It stuck with me in later life too. I got a bit overweight whilst my family were growing up. Eventually i got sick of looking at myself and engaged my younger spirit to take up a sport i had never done before. 2 years down the line i have lost 25kg, am full of muscle and can hold my own in a boxing ring.

Thank god my dad didnt write me a note to get me out of sports day.

It isn’t just one day though. It’s weeks of anxiety before and after the event. Unless you have a child who struggles in this way you won’t understand how much of an impact it has.

Schools need to review how they run sports day and acknowledge that changes need to be made to support all children to take part. This could include getting children to help with the running of the day without having to take part in the events themselves.

I was that child so yes i do understand. To make it worse i had an older brother who was the elite runner who came home from school sports day with a folder full of certificates. Imagine your first year at secondary school and going to your first PE class and the teacher comes up to you and mentions your brothers name and sporting ability. Imagine how that made me feel. I could either sink and quit or stand up and improve.

Also there's another element of this....kids sports days being filmed and uploaded to SM for all to see. Not just the winners but those coming in last. Online forever as a memory.

I understand your feelings, but it is just not true that children get to hide their academic abilities. Streaming/Sets/Prize Day are all about rewarding excellence in academics and those who are not academic have to suck it up every lesson, every day.

Try to get it into perspective. Yes, it can be demoralizing etc. for girls like your daughter, but if she can ‘style it out’ with good grace and good humour then it will stand her in good stead throughout her life.

There will also be sporty kids who will be disappointed with their performance on the day (trust me.). The majority of them will get told by their parents and coaches alike - “if you want to win, then you have to run faster, see you early at training?”. There will be close to zero sympathy, and a gentle “come on, now” if there was any unrealistic expectations.

So the way to placate bullies is to do as they want. Wonder how that advice would go down on the Relationships board.
I wasnt interested in pleasing them. I hated them. And i had other things to do during the summer hoidays like look after my younger brother while my parents were working. If people dont like me for me fuck em. Im not bending over backwards to fit in. My intesrest was music I was in the school musical. Which involved rehearsals. Why the fuck should i have ditched that to do something i wasnt interested in to please fuckers who were only interested in me for what i could do for them. Like i said. My self respect was more important

Thank fuck we didnt have that in the 80s

She was pleasing herself. How can you not see that.

Fair enough. Just as i did

What so bad with feeling a bit crap about yourself occasionally? Is it not rather very human? Let's not wrap kids in cotton wool it doesn't do them any favours.

It's about being able to withstand that feeling and do the best with any given challenge. It's about learning to tackle tasks and expectations that may feel uncomfortable but that may still end up being a good learning experience. It's the same with public speaking not many people love it's often expected to give presentations at school, uni and work. Of course it makes people more resilient if they don't hide away at home when they are expected to take part in perfectly safe and normal activities. Op's dd sound like she has a good attitude, she is not keen but wants to attend anyway, that shows strength of character,

Sometimes you have to wonder if it's the grown ups who don't want their dc to embarrass them in front of all the other parents.

Ours insisted everyone got involved, but this didn't need to be running etc, it could be holding the finish rope, scoring, setting up events etc. Is this an option?

You were luckier than perhaps you know to have such a supportive father. I wonder how much of your self esteem and positive approach is down to the support of your father, rather than the activities themselves?

I always used to sign up for the shot put, it's perfect. It's far away from where anyone can see, chuck a ball three times and the rest of the time sat on the grass in the sunshine. The art teacher used to supervise the shot put at my school, he was a right laugh. Fond memories of an afternoon well dossed once a year.

Coming from a parent whose child struggles academically it's ridiculous to say that there is no competition in maths, arts, science etc. Sets, exam results etc its all ways for them to compare themselves. There are some kids that shine in sports and for mine it's a massive confidence boost to be good at one thing. Competition is a big part of life, I don't see the point of letting them duck out just because they don't think they can do well.