Fecking sports day

[HippyKayYay]

DD is in yr 7 and I've just found out they still have sports day - in secondary. DD is unsporty, uncoordinated and uncompetitive. She hates it. I hated it. I still hate it. It's miserable for her. She tries her best and is very supportive of her mates. But it still makes her feel shit about herself and has done every year that she's had to do it. Despite all our positive reinforcement and conversations about taking part, blah di blah di blah... And I thought we were finally done with it (for her) when she left primary last year. But no...

She is active, gets movement and exercise in ways she enjoys, btw. So it's not about that. But it really hacks me off. No one is making kids do maths or art or science competitively and in public. So why is it ok to make them do this for sport?

Btw - I have a younger DC who is super sporty and fast. But they also hate sports day (finds it really stressful and gets very nervous).

Why do schools do this? Why is it ok to do this for sport but not other subjects? It's just bloody mean to unsporty/ uncoordinated kids...

Agreed. I mean, if they marked the exams/ tests in front of the whole school and all the parents, then yes it would be comparable.

I do know the ones who are musical, because they choose to participate in the music evenings. I have no idea who isn't musical. The equivalent would be making every kid perform in the concert, even if they couldn't play/ were tone deaf.

I also have absolutely no idea who struggles with maths/art/whatever in DDs school. They don't publicise the results of their maths, etc, tests. I have no idea who is in what set other than DDs. They also don't publicise the individual GCSE/ A-level results.

So these comparisons don't hold up.

I have nothing against competition. I have nothing against learning through failure. This is not about protecting DD from that kind of stuff. I have nothing against sports day in principle. I do have an issue with the compulsory participation in sports day and the public humiliation that ensues for kids who are always the slowest/ poorly coordinated.

Yes, the oh nooo what about the workplace posts are heroically stupid. The two are not remotely equivalent.

The other reason sports day and exams aren't comparable is that exams are the culmination of everything the kids have been learning over the course of the term/year.

Whereas the only kids who get taught how to do sport and get better at sport are the ones with a natural affinity and who are good enough to be on school teams. The rest, especially the ones who are bad at it, just get chucked out on to a pitch to hoof around randomly.

I did hockey and netball with the other nerdy duds and was not once taught a single thing about tactics. They made us do cross-country without teaching us about pacing or breathing technique. There was never any question of preparing us for sports day, so all the kids who were bad at sport were thoroughly ill-equipped to perform. Which adds to the humiliation aspect - it's not just that you can't do it well, but you have no idea how to do it well.

It really is. My eldest is in year 10 and has just taken exams. He’s got no idea what any of the other kids got and isn’t interested. There’s no competition against any of the other pupils - just a desire to do as well he can. Unless exam results are read out to an assembled audience of parents and fellow pupils, it’s like comparing apples and oranges.

I would love to hear your teachers and class mates recollection of those times.

It is fascinating that you still have a chip on your shoulder about having to do something at school you weren’t good at, blaming everyone else, and have a total of zero insight into your own selfish motivations and behaviour.

Sports days are not nonsense, however at secondary school particpation should be optional. I'm surprised it isn't..

So true. I remember this big time with tennis - just given balls and racquets with no teaching at all. DD says it’s the same with the sports they ‘learn’ - no actual instruction on the game play or techniques, etc. although I am taking that with a pinch of salt! I’m sure they must teach them something??

If an employer did what some of these PE teachers did they would find themselves hauled before a tribunal.

Yes, I doubt that her teachers and classmates ever got over her refusal to participate in sports day. On a more serious note, I hope I am never as angry about anything as you are about this.

Do you think that people who come last are a humiliation who should stop embarrassing themselves. Let’s say at park run? Or any other beginners class for sport?

You are using the word humiliating but are you projecting?
Is it really a humiliation, or just a disappointment.

Yep!

No one is forced to do a park run or any other beginners class for sport. That's the main difference.

It's voluntary and competitive races etc during sports day should also be voluntary.

That sounds like a “Yes, all people coming last are humiliating, can they not see themselves? Obviously it is a value I instill in my children.”

I am also of the opinion that any parent whining on the internet about sports day that has not contacted the school with a proposal of how to do it in a way your would be happy with needs to take a look at themselves.

No it doesn't. It sounds exactly as I said it, that there is a difference between forcing someone to do it and making the decision to do it yourself.

So is the difficulty that an activity at school is compulsory, or coming last?

I was surprised they did it at secondary school too. We found out (to my daughters disgust) last year... After thinking the y6 one would be her last.

She also has a lot of school based anxiety and hates sports day with a passion. She isn't terrible at sport but not good either. I think it's just being out there in front of everyone in a race..and also being with the whole year group outside... It's busy and chaotic and not the usual "routine". Also being watched is a big source of stress.

This year she is saying she will be off that day and I'm not sure what to do because I'm very much not a rule breaker but understand why she feels that way. Last year she insisted on going in and hated it so much she was still talking about it months later about how horrible it was..

Yes there are sporty kids who love it because they get to show the school how great they are. I understand that. My other child is sporty and likes it... But other child has lots of opportunities to do sport. There are LOADS of school teams she can join and compete in, plus 2 PE lessons a week. Not sure why a whole day dedicated to sport is also needed when it causes so much dread and anxiety for many.

They don't do a mandatory school play for all kids to do performing arts, or a mandatory maths competition day!

I'm pretty certain we didn't do it at secondary school when I was young. I'm still haunted by the primary school sports day ugh it's awful for those of us who are shy (and rubbish at sports!!)

Yes, and this is hardly a complex point to get one's head around. Obligatory and voluntary are quite clearly not the same thing.

I’m sorry your daughter feels like that.

What do you think the structure of sports day could be that would be a good balance for (a) kids who would never otherwise get to shine (b) be a mixture of individual and team sports (c) the right balance of rewarding both excellence and participation and (d) Kids like your daughter who rather overthink something when, to quote the youngsters “it’s not that deep”.

I’m nearly 50. Overweight and unfit. Even now all these years after high school the fear of complete humiliation and ridicule is stopping me going to a gym or doing a fitness class. I learnt resilience at school in other ways. All sports day did was cause upset. I vowed I would always let any future children skip sports day if they wanted to. Thankfully my dc school had a sports day that enclosed everyone in a way as to not embarrass those who aren’t sporty. There was a mixture of competitive races and group tasks. Much better for everyone. Those who wanted to compete for a medal could but everyone got to enjoy s day of being outside and exercising.

It clearly isn’t obvious because all the children are compelled to do sports day.

Why is someone making a show of themselves when they are compelled to participate but not making a show if they were foolish enough to volunteer? That doesn’t make sense to me.
You still also haven’t explained as to why coming last is a humiliation rather than a disappointment.

This is an excellent point. Sporty kids can shine during many other events at school. Sports day is not the only opportunity they have.

Some people who come last don’t mind. It’s a disappointment but never mind. If it’s expected but never mind. For a non sporty child coming last in sports can be humiliating. Your technique is all wrong, you are red in the face and sweaty and your peers are laughing at you. When you come last in the maths test the teacher doesn’t show everyone your paper to show all your mistakes. The whole class isn’t watching you as you get told you did the worst and most of your answers are wrong. If someone feels humiliated that is how they feel. It isn’t up to anyone else to question their feelings.

I think that’s very sad, that you would compromise your own health and well being today for events from 35 or 40 years ago.

Are you sure you want to choose to do that?

If someone feels humiliated that is how they feel. It isn’t up to anyone else to question their feelings.

Well when someone has feelings which lead to behaviours with negative impact it behooves friends and loved ones to get to the thought process underlying those feelings so they can be challenged and examined.
I certainly will never blindly affirm someone in their feelings of humiliation, and will put effort into helping them put it to bed so that they can move on happily. Isn’t that what all friends do?

Omg tennis is the one I think about the most because I actually really like playing it. Was taught sod all about proper technique at school and resent having to start late as an adult! Could've been so much better by now.