Fecking sports day

[HippyKayYay]

DD is in yr 7 and I've just found out they still have sports day - in secondary. DD is unsporty, uncoordinated and uncompetitive. She hates it. I hated it. I still hate it. It's miserable for her. She tries her best and is very supportive of her mates. But it still makes her feel shit about herself and has done every year that she's had to do it. Despite all our positive reinforcement and conversations about taking part, blah di blah di blah... And I thought we were finally done with it (for her) when she left primary last year. But no...

She is active, gets movement and exercise in ways she enjoys, btw. So it's not about that. But it really hacks me off. No one is making kids do maths or art or science competitively and in public. So why is it ok to make them do this for sport?

Btw - I have a younger DC who is super sporty and fast. But they also hate sports day (finds it really stressful and gets very nervous).

Why do schools do this? Why is it ok to do this for sport but not other subjects? It's just bloody mean to unsporty/ uncoordinated kids...

Well no, it's because all the children being expected to do it doesn't actually mean the two thing aren't completely different. Things that are irrelevant do not need to be explained.

I didn't mention coming last and that was the first post I'd made on the voluntary v compulsory point, so there's no 'still'. You seem to have mixed me up with someone else. My point is that there isn't a comparison between something one has chosen to do and has been obliged to do, and that any analogies people make on that basis are always shit as a consequence.

They thought I was a difficult twat because I was deliberately being a difficult twat - that's my insight into my behaviour.

By that point at school I was just counting down the days to leave them all behind forever, which I accomplished nicely, so no chip on my shoulder and no regrets.

But I do think schools in general can buck their ideas up massively when it comes to teaching non-sporty kids how to enjoy exercise - which becomes hugely important as an adult.

Yes it’s really sad. That’s the point!

I’m sure the feeling would have been mutual.

I’m not involved in education (other than as a parent of pupils), and whilst I might agree that teaching unsporty kids is failing, when I read these threads where people admit they want to do sports at school as long as they (a) can take as long as they wish to get changed (b) don’t get red faced (c) don’t sweat (d) don’t have to be noticeably worse than the others.(e) get the individual attention they want in a class of 30 pupils.(f) do no practice from one lesson to the following week but expect to get better and blame the system/the teacher when they don’t.
Let’s actually ask the question: what success in achieving that look like?

But you can choose to do it differently any day you like. The sadness now is not what happened 40 years ago, but the fact you could choose to not let that impact on your health today, and you choose otherwise.

I think you are forgetting that you have agency here.

I can see you don’t understand my feelings and why would you or should you. It’s like saying an addict chooses to be an addict or that someone chooses to be depressed. I don’t want to be like this. School PE was so damaging to me that it still affects me years later. Perhaps you have never been humiliated in public. You don’t seem to have much empathy. It’s bizarre to me you are spending a long time telling people how their feelings and perceptions are wrong when the whole point of a feeling or perception is that it is personal to the individual. Instead of saying I’m sorry you feel like that- what could have been done differently to make sure your experience isn’t commonplace, you chose to tell people off , for want of a better expression.

Look, I’m just a stranger on the internet and I have been in situations other people would have found humiliating (going by this thread) many, many times. I just shrug it off- because that other people aren’t half as invested in us as we are in ourselves.

I am not sure if you realise the gap between your words and your actions. You say “I don’t want to be like this” (I’m not sure if this you are referring to is being overweight or having feelings of humiliation which prevent you living healthily) but there are loads of actions you could take to not be like this. That’s not telling you off, it is letting you know.
Humiliation as an emotion requires the projection of thoughts and emotions into the observers. It is necessary for one to assume that people from back then have the same feelings today about one’s performance as in the past. If you can cast yourself into the role of observer for a moment- how many of your schoolmates do you think humiliated themselves on sports day so badly, that you still cringe for them.

I’m sorry that you felt that way back then and that your school got it wrong/there were nasty bitches who commented/your parents couldn’t help you get it into perspective.
But whilst I accept that you feel as you do, I absolutely will not validate you in thinking your feelings are proportionate, appropriate, harmless, to be ignored or based on thinking that stands up to scrutiny. You don’t have to believe everything you think, or feel.

I am not asking you to validate anything. You quite simply don’t understand my feelings. No point in continuing the conversation. What is disproportionate is you being invested in whether strangers liked sports day or whether strangers kids like sports day. People have tried and clearly failed to try and make you understand their feelings. That is all.

Thats just spoilt princess behaviour.

Thankfully mumsnet is not a realistic representation of the real world.

Just because I see things differently doesn’t mean I don’t understand your feelings.

Have you ever really considered how it might be possible that people can deeply empathize with your feelings, and still think their way to taking actions to ensure that their feelings don’t dominate their lives negatively. Or if you like, can you even toy with the idea that thing's could be different for you. Can you start to postulate what different might look like, that isn’t like the this you’ve said you don’t want to be like.

Such a shame she'll have a cold and have to miss it...

The way you have presented your point has not come across in that way at all. Thankfully the people who matter in my life are able to support and encourage in a more positive and less patronising way. Words on a page don’t always convey meaning in the way the sentiment is intended for either side in a conversation.

I gave my kids every sports day off when they switched from competitive sports to the team effort.

I have never seen anyone ridicule or make fun of someone at the gym. Most people don't even pay attention to what anyone else is doing , they just focus on thier own workout. Also there is also nothing stopping you from doing home workouts if you are truly embarrassed to go to a gym.

Mine always had the day off sick, she hated sports day (as did I) and I see no reason to put her through it.