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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pregnancy announcement before brothers wedding

434 replies

Kittycat02 · 03/06/2025 08:26

I’ve just found out we are expecting, and have had an early scan (8weeks). My brother gets married in 2 weeks time, so I want to announce it now so that I don’t have to pretend to drink at the wedding. It’s only a small wedding with parents and siblings so I was going to announce it to the people who will be at the wedding as they are my close family and I know how excited they are going to be!
AIBU to announce it before his wedding or should I wait until afterwards?

OP posts:
Piffle11 · 03/06/2025 08:41

I’d keep quiet. This is the run-up to your brother’s wedding… He and his bride will be immersed in their occasion. They might feel this is taking the limelight off them somewhat.

we made the mistake of telling MIL that we were expecting when I was about 10 weeks gone. We had a wedding coming up… We asked her to keep quiet but she didn’t. She told everyone. And then the problem was, we got to this wedding and people were coming up to me and congratulating me. I was mortified.

I know there’s the scope to celebrate both things, but this will be their day, and if you announce now your pregnancy WILL be a big topic of conversation. Just wait a couple more weeks.

637382gdjdb · 03/06/2025 08:45

I would wait until after. As it's a small wedding it's very possible that announcing your pregnancy in advance will mean a fair bit of attention is on you on the day as people ask about it etc. Better just to let them have their moment and then you can enjoy yours in due course.

There are lots of good reasons you might not be drinking - medication, dodgy tum, driving etc. Or you can ask your partner to get you fizzy waters with a slice of lime and tell people they're gin and tonic. I survived a work night out without my team noticing I wasn't drinking just by holding a glass of Prosecco without actually drinking it. Nobody noticed, people tend not to really pay close enough attention for it to be a problem.

luckylavender · 03/06/2025 08:51

Ask the bride

Crimblecrumble1990 · 03/06/2025 08:51

Let them have this day be all about them IMO.

Mrsttcno1 · 03/06/2025 08:51

Let them have their day.

babystarsandmoon · 03/06/2025 08:52

Wait until a week or two after the wedding.

Helpmeplease2025 · 03/06/2025 08:53

I’d keep quiet for now too. If you have a drink on your hand, no one notices if you drink it or not

oncimesmask · 03/06/2025 08:54

I’d wait around 4 weeks just say you are on antibiotics /feel under the weather or have a drink and don’t drink it . Will anyone be that interested in your drinking habits?

LostMySocks · 03/06/2025 08:57

I'd keep quiet then you will have some lovely news to share when everything feels flat after the wedding is over.

People tend to notice whether or not you have a glass of alcohol not whether you are drinking. I went to a family dinner at a restaurant when I was 8 weeks pregnant. I had a large glass of wine in front of me and occasionally picked it up and pretended to drink. DH also had the odd slug and we swapped glasses a couple of times (accidentally putting close together on the table and picking up the other one etc). None realised or noticed.
It's easier at a wedding as you can mingle making it easier to get rid of a glass or get just tonic in your gin and tonic etc.

HB28 · 03/06/2025 08:58

You know your brother and partner better than any of us. I personally would not have been upset if my brother had announced a couple of weeks before our wedding, but everyone is different. That said we waited until after our 12 week scan to tell everyone.

Amelie2025 · 03/06/2025 09:00

Congratulations!! Very exciting for you

But Wait

toothache- antibiotics.

not drinking is not an excuse to make their wedding all about you.

if you were to have a miscarriage would you be telling all of the same people? If not it's mad to announce it at 8 weeks, wedding or no wedding.

Sharptonguedwoman · 03/06/2025 09:01

Piffle11 · 03/06/2025 08:41

I’d keep quiet. This is the run-up to your brother’s wedding… He and his bride will be immersed in their occasion. They might feel this is taking the limelight off them somewhat.

we made the mistake of telling MIL that we were expecting when I was about 10 weeks gone. We had a wedding coming up… We asked her to keep quiet but she didn’t. She told everyone. And then the problem was, we got to this wedding and people were coming up to me and congratulating me. I was mortified.

I know there’s the scope to celebrate both things, but this will be their day, and if you announce now your pregnancy WILL be a big topic of conversation. Just wait a couple more weeks.

First post nailed it. OP, just drink something that looks like alcohol. Hopefully no one will notice.

DisforDarkChocolate · 03/06/2025 09:01

I'd keep it quiet till 12 weeks anyway. There are plenty of reasons not to drink.

miraxxx · 03/06/2025 09:03

Waiting a month to announce the news is not that much of a hardship.

Swiftie1878 · 03/06/2025 09:03

Don’t announce it. It’ll take the polish off their day.

You are just on antibiotics, so can’t drink.

PopThatBench · 03/06/2025 09:03

I’d suggest waiting as it’s this close to the wedding and you’re not quite 12 weeks yet (so you have a good 4+ weeks to wait until your NHS scan for example).

Announcing it at 8 weeks, just 2 weeks before the wedding kinda feels like it’s being announced specifically to steal the limelight.

You could say you’re not drinking as you’re on antibiotics for an ear infection or something which would also excuse if you felt sick as you could say it’s messing with your balance/making you feel dizzy x

Koazy · 03/06/2025 09:04

Wait. It’s not fair to steal their glory.

PashaMinaMio · 03/06/2025 09:04

Years ago women didn’t reveal until at least 12 weeks.
Many babies are lost before then.

Keep it quiet until after the wedding.

ThisPlumFinch · 03/06/2025 09:04

Just say you can’t drink because you’re on antibiotics for a kidney infection.

Then announce a few weeks after. If you announce it’ll be all about you and whilst that personally wouldn’t bother me on my wedding day, people are extremely precious and weird about weddings. It’s not worth the potential fall out.

IgneousSedimentary · 03/06/2025 09:06

Just have a glass of something in your hand. At intervals, swap it with your DH surreptitiously, or pour it into a plant pot. I didn’t tell anyone I was pregnant until I was 19 weeks and got through a wedding and a big family anniversary party like that.

WimbyAce · 03/06/2025 09:06

8 weeks is so early, I'd wait a bit especially with the wedding!

IgneousSedimentary · 03/06/2025 09:06

And don’t say you’re on antibiotics. You might as well wear a tshirt that says PREGGERS.

NYSea · 03/06/2025 09:07

This is peak precious behaviour that I cannot relate to. I could not care less if somebody announced their pregnancy before my wedding or during my wedding. I love hearing happy news especially when it is close family or friends.

Of course you can tell your family now. It does not make the wedding any less special. I was not a bridezilla diva though.

My eyes are rolling so much at some of these responses. ‘Let them have their day’. How is telling family you are pregnant not letting a couple have a good wedding day?? Ugh.

Vodkamartini3olives · 03/06/2025 09:07

On the drinking front I went to a wedding this weekend and nobody announced if they were drinking or not. Some obviously had pints. Some were drinking drinks with coke or other mixers who knows if they contained alcohol or not. My husband had a few bottles of alcohol free larger. My point is I really wouldn't worry about anyone noticing if you're drinking or not. No need for any kind of conversation around it. Congratulations.

TwinklyBird · 03/06/2025 09:09

Wait. It’s not 12 weeks, so it might look like you’re announcing early to steal the limelight.

I’ve never understood the lying/antibiotics/pretending to drink thing. Yeah people might notice and might think you’re pregnant but surely no-one would actually say anything?! So what does it matter if they guess beforehand, as long as they keep it to themselves? And it would be incredibly rude to say to someone “oh you’re not drinking, are you pregnant?”

When I told my mum I was pregnant with my first, she said she knew because I hadn’t had a drink in months but obviously she never actually questioned me about it.