Pregnancy announcement before brothers wedding

[Kittycat02]

I’ve just found out we are expecting, and have had an early scan (8weeks). My brother gets married in 2 weeks time, so I want to announce it now so that I don’t have to pretend to drink at the wedding. It’s only a small wedding with parents and siblings so I was going to announce it to the people who will be at the wedding as they are my close family and I know how excited they are going to be!
AIBU to announce it before his wedding or should I wait until afterwards?

IMO 8 weeks is early for a general announcement. Better/safer to wait a bit.

I wanted to keep quiet about one of mine and was at a celebration (not a wedding), every time someone offered to get me a drink, I laughed and said “oh no, overdone the Prosecco earlier, don’t want to be too squiffy” and tonic/lemonade/coke with “vodka” 😉if dh was buying.
Congratulations op.

Also people will spot that you are drinking and speculate. The speculation will also make it more of a big deal and take away more of the limelight (shudder) than just telling people with a breezy "but it's early days so anything could happen".

I’ve had to endure a couple of weddings when pregnant in the early stages including a family one. I ordered non alcoholic beer and asked for it to be poured into a glass for that one and sipped on it for ages. I even brought nosecco in my bag and swapped the prosecco when for it as I knew my family would notice if I declined prosecco. No one noticed. I was so tempted to just say it before the wedding. I lost that pregnancy at 11 weeks. I’m so glad I hadn’t told anyone.

I would wait, in case they care (I personally wouldn’t).
But I don’t see why you need to wait a week or two after the wedding as a PP suggested. They don’t need a month long moratorium on any family news.

I wouldn’t announce a pregnancy this early anyway, even after an early scan. I think I went to two weddings in my first pregnancy in the first trimester. I had lemonade in a fizz glass or a tall glass (to look like g&t). Also did the wine glass swap trick with DH. DH was careful too as he didn’t want to get tipsy. Most people were so, so oblivious I was shocked! No one said a thing. Afterwards one person mentioned they thought I might be pregnant but of course they know not to say anything because they appreciate that it’s too early to share the news and it’s someone else’s wedding so not the time or place to say shit ISpyNoPlumPie are you pregnant?!! Bottom line, it can be done so you don’t NEED to tell everyone beforehand. My BIL asked if they could announce their pregnancy at our wedding because everyone would notice. We said no. No one realised. If you want to talk to your brother and he doesn’t mind - go for it, but it’s very easy to hide.

It definitely depends what sort of relationship you all have, but I dont think telling them steals the limelight, you're not going to be giving birth on the dancefloor!

Side note, I don't understand people who think pregnancy loss should be dealt with in secret.

I totally agree. But I also wouldn’t want to deal with any complaining from them. So I’d wait because of that. I wouldn’t care if someone else did it before my wedding.

Totally agree.
Telling people a week or two before the wedding has zero impact on the day. All eyes are not going to be on the still flat stomach of one of he guests instead of the happy couple. It is also highly unlikely to be the sole topic of conversation at the wedding. Just steer away from it, although I have never been to a wedding where people talked about nothing all day except the wedding.

No big announcement is needed, just quietly let people know.

I would hold off till after the wedding and 12 week scan.

Then it’s even more good news and doesn’t detract from the wedding/couple.

Yes the ‘antibiotics’ story just makes people assume you are pregnant unless you are someone that has to take them often.

The best strategy is to say nothing, order alcohol free drinks when you are able to (lemonade in a gin glass etc) and then if someone hands you an alcoholic drink say thanks and then accidentally leave it on a table after 5 mins or I used to nip to the toilet with my glass in hand and pour it down the sink! Then after an hour or two you can say you are switching to soft drinks for a while because you feel a bit tipsy. Because everyone will have seen you drink they won’t be thinking you are pregnant.

To be honest, these days you don’t need to come up with an excuse for not drinking. Many people enjoy zero alcohol beverages or are on a health kick. Just say that.

Do not announce before or even worse, on the day. Wait until a week after the wedding.

Why did you say no to your bil?

Firstly congrats on your pregnancy! I must agree with PP’s that you should announce your pregnancy so close to the wedding OP. My SIL did this before her brothers wedding - it stole the focus from the bride and groom and was the thing that family talk about rather than the wedding 7 years on.
People really aren’t that interested in how much someone drinks. If you really must have a mixer in a fancy glass and decline rounds 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'd just tell them you're pregnant. You don't need to do a big announcement. They are your family and should be happy for you. I dont think it will overshadow their day. You being pregnant won't be the big deal you think it is ( to others). Just tell them.

I had a similar experience, someone commented that I wasn't drinking. I told them I was on strong antibiotics, drinking on them would make me very ill to really shut them up I made reference that it was an undercarriage infection 😂

Also at another event we did the wine glass swap. Zero alcohol beer in a glass, imaginary gin and tonic.

I'd keep quiet until after the wedding, you can do it 💪

After 12 weeks being the norm. Why does everyone have to have a reason for not drinking alcohol. Does everyone drink such copious amounts normally that everyone notices.

Definitely don’t do this!

No do not announce it before the wedding! You don't even have to let anyone know you aren't drinking. If you get a glass of wine or prosecco, just quietly swap with your partner when he's finished. At the table have them close together and get him to drink evenly out them both. For drinks just get whatever you'd normal have if it's a soft drink without the alcohol or get a non alcoholic kooperberg and ask them to put it in a glass.

If you’re going to mention it do it in a low key way that doesn’t involve some big announcement on an occasion that’s meant to be about your brother and his wife. Personally I would get your husband to step up on the alcohol front and do whatever is required to mask the fact you’re not drinking until you get to twelve weeks and then the wedding will be gone and you can announce your pregnancy properly.

He wanted to announce it during his speech. It wasn’t a hard aggressive no, just an on balance we would prefer it if you didn’t. We thought, we are only getting married once, you will still be pregnant tomorrow and it was before 12 weeks (my consideration, not theirs, but still). We get on fine, it wasn’t nasty, and we were very, very happy for them. Still are.

I’m so sorry you lost the pregnancy.

It is mind boggling how much importance is given to drinking, that people have to do such subterfuge just to get through a wedding.

Just buy a coke or lemonade, or something like shleor if they sell it. Noones paying close attention to what others are drinking.

Agree. It’s absolutely baffling.

I think the not drinking is quite a lame excuse, there are so many non alcoholic drinks about these days and lots of people don’t drink as much as they once did. Saying you will “announce” it makes it seem like are you are doing for attention especially as it’s very early.