Pregnancy announcement before brothers wedding

[Kittycat02]

I’ve just found out we are expecting, and have had an early scan (8weeks). My brother gets married in 2 weeks time, so I want to announce it now so that I don’t have to pretend to drink at the wedding. It’s only a small wedding with parents and siblings so I was going to announce it to the people who will be at the wedding as they are my close family and I know how excited they are going to be!
AIBU to announce it before his wedding or should I wait until afterwards?

Well it’s not that it has to be a secret, sometimes it’s about control. I would tell people I had a miscarriage. I think I would find it harder to have to go round all the people I told I was pregnant and I have to say that I’m not anymore. That’s a personal choice though, but I definitely don’t think it means pregnancy loss should be hushed up.

I have to agree that it's not appropriate to deliver a big announcement like that at someone else's event. However, just mentioning it to family around the same time, I don't see the issue. It's almost like people in some families only have the mental capacity to process one event at a time.

Don't tell them now. Surely you'd wait until 12 weeks anyway? It will look as if you can't bear for your brother to have the attention on him if you announce it now.
12 weeks is considered safe. Hopefully everything will be fine but if you did miscarry you'd have to say that to quite a few people and that's not fun.
Just leave it and a couple of weeks after the wedding you can share your happy news
I would be pissed off if someone close announced their pregnancy just days before my wedding.

I don't think it's as much that importance is given to drinking, it's that it's a sign of pregnancy in women of a certain age who usually drink.
If a man said "I've got a headache today so am avoiding alcohol" noone would give it a second thought. If a woman of the age to be pregnant said the same there will be at least some people suspecting she's pregnant.

Id start complaining of toothache now and materialise a dentist appointment where they give you some antibiotics that state you can't drink and take them.

It’s when the wedding becomes a chance for all the family you’ve not seen in person since you’ve told to them come and congratulate you, it takes the celebration of the wedding into a celebration of someone else’s pregnancy. Guests fault not the pregnant person mind but same outcome.

I don't understand it either.
Brides/grooms must be terribly fragile or just underwhelming, as the simplest things upstage them at their weddings 🤦🏾‍♀️.

Everyone will have congratulated the OP and moved on by the time the wedding comes round. And weddings are meant to be joyous occasions for everyone.

I've never been to a wedding where I've spent the day mooning over the bride amd groom. I've always managed to celebrate the couple while catching up with folks, meeting new people, eating/drinking and being merry.

Of course you wait until after the wedding. People will suspect if they notice you’re not drinking but you just say you’re on antibiotics. Plenty won’t believe you but they will know that you’re not saying anything because of your brothers special day.

I had a similar scenario in the run up to a close friend’s wedding. There was no way I was going to announce before their day. Even more so had it been a family member.

This. You can drink on most antibiotics. It’s a terrible excuse and screams I’m pregnant. Just get tonics that look like G&Ts

This is a good point. Would you normally tell everyone attending the wedding you were pregnant at 8 weeks? If not, you're only doing it so people congratulate you and talk about it on the day. Thats not very nice to your brother and SIL.

Oh right I agree that's inappropriate! I thought he would just have been telling relatives he might not otherwise see, his speech is not meant to be about him!

And wouldn't that just be like, "Oh hi, I heard your news. Congratulations." Moves on.

Other people's pregnancy announcements aren't that big a deal really and definitely won't overshadow a wedding event.

I pity anyone actually on antibiotics. Everyone will think they are pregnant. 😁

From posts I’ve seen online depending on the pregnant person and type of family it can easily become a pregnancy party rather than feeling like a wedding.

Also ops 8 weeks nobody needs to announce to their entire family they are 8 weeks pregnant. It’s optics. It just looks poorly timed.

I managed to get through two weddings, a holiday with DHs friends and a funeral without telling anyone i was pregnant. Yes a couple of people suspected but they didn’t say anything at the time.

don’t announce until after the wedding (by at least a week)

You wouldn't actually tell people at the wedding. Mentioning it two weeks before though, why not? Then again, I'm someone who told people as soon as I had a positive test in hand.

Wait until after and say you're on antibiotics if anyone asks, which they probably won't.

Nobody will notice you’re not drinking. Let them have their day.

That comes down to knowing the family then. If you know your family goes silly about pregnancy announcements, then maybe wait.

In my case I'd have told as soon as I knew I was pregnant and the wedding would have had full focus of everyone. Once you've told people in my family it's just background. They all have the mental capacity to separate events in their heads anyway.

First off, my husband and I would swap drinks - I'd take over the emptier one. Then I held the same glass of increasingly warm white wine and took a miniscule sip when socially required (e.g. a toast) for about 6 hours and nobody noticed.

Drunk people are easy to fool, just keep moving about and no one will think anything of it.

That’s so precious

I never announced a pregnancy before 12 weeks. I'd wait until after the wedding so as not to have everyone talking about it on the day. As far as not drinking is concerned you could say you are on antibiotics for a uti but absolutely fine now. I did that once at a function when I was only 6 weeks & not ready to annouce it.

Wait until after. No-one is going to notice that you're not drinking. And if they do just say that you've been on antibiotics for an infection.

I sat next to my best friend at a wedding and she was just having water all night and I never even thought anything of it until the pregnancy announcement came and I looked back.

It's only weird if you draw attention to it. I very much doubt anyone would say anything. If they did I wouldn't use the antibiotic thing, I'd just say I have a slight headache, don't want to make it worse.

That wouldn’t have bothered me, and of course they wouldn’t need to ask to tell whoever they like! Saying that, if I were in the same situation, I would wait till after someone else’s wedding. I don’t know if it really matters, and I don’t think I’m precious but appreciating all the time, effort, and money that goes into a wedding, I wouldn’t want the bride or groom to feel aggrieved. It’s a funny thing isn’t it? The concept of someone’s “special day” and the limelight being on them? Like I said, I don’t think it really matters but I wouldn’t do that to someone else.