Pregnancy announcement before brothers wedding

[Kittycat02]

I’ve just found out we are expecting, and have had an early scan (8weeks). My brother gets married in 2 weeks time, so I want to announce it now so that I don’t have to pretend to drink at the wedding. It’s only a small wedding with parents and siblings so I was going to announce it to the people who will be at the wedding as they are my close family and I know how excited they are going to be!
AIBU to announce it before his wedding or should I wait until afterwards?

Just wait till 12 weeks to say you are pregnant. I’ve had 4 children and always waited till at least 12 week scan including not drinking at weddings when in early pregnancy. You can give any reason for not drinking. The time will go quick.

Another vote for wait, unless you are obviously showing which would be unusual at 10 weeks with your first. As others have said, just walk around with a glass of whatever you would normally drink, or if you would drink something with a mixer that’s even easier.

Don’t announce it now, you are only 8 weeks and the wedding is so close. Just make it look like you are drinking, ask for lemonade in a wine glass or have a coke and say it’s vodka and coke.

Keep it to yourself.
Tonic without gin has got me through a number of occasions where I didn't want to drink without being questioned about it. Get the barman on-side.
At some point you'll be handed a glass of fizz, it's easy to put it to your mouth and pretend to take a sip. Much less consipcuous than refusing it.Subtly swap glasses with your OH after he's drunk some of his so that you're not sitting there with a full glass.
You can pull this off, no-one needs to notice.

I’d wait for sure. I think it being a small wedding makes it worse and more likely for them to feel you’re trying to take attention, even though you’re not. Just leave it until after and then you can both have your own separate lovely congratulations from people you love!

absolutely this

If there's a toast, simply putting your lips in the glass is not doing anything to the baby anyway.

Don't be that person. Wait until after their wedding. There are so many excuses not to drink - or just take a glass of whatever is being handed around and hold on to it. People will assume you are drinking it!

Adding another “wait 12 weeks” before announcing. It’s the sensible option.

It’s a tricky one OP and every situation / person is different. As you’ve asked for our advice, personally I would wait. If the main reason you want to tell people is because of the drinking as many have said it really isn’t that hard to pretend to be drinking - everyone else will be be having a wonderful time - I also was around 10 weeks pregnant at a wedding and had non alcoholic ciders / lemonade / tonic water and I had a few sips of champagne to toast (optional but did my dc no harm). I actually found it quite fun pretending to drink especially because I’m a big drinker so had to do a bit of acting but once everyone starts drinking themselves I promise they’re paying no attention to you at all. You may be tired at the end of the night and your bladder may suffer from all the soft drinks 🤣

But I also didn’t tell PIL until 12 weeks and my own parents until 16 weeks because I was v cautious about losses especially with my line of work I’d unfortunately been exposed to a lot and if I had another I would probably do the same so that’s me personally.

Another option is to inform the bride and groom only and say you’re letting them know now as you didn’t want it to be discovered at the wedding and take the limelight off them. They might be happy for you to tell everyone and ask you to in which case you have their blessing or they might be more like - “thanks for letting us know” and want to help you conceal it on the wedding day then you know where their heads are at with it. I think it would be unrealistic to expect that it wouldn’t be a huge talking point at the wedding especially if it is such a small wedding which I think is a bit unfair especially as it’s so early, easy to conceal and would literally mean you waiting 2 more weeks to tell.

congrats on bump x x

I think your given reason for sharing your news now is disingenuous - I went on holiday to an all inclusive resort with parents and in laws at 8 weeks pregnant and no one noticed I wasn’t drinking alcohol for a full week, so it can be done. I understand you are excited about your news and want to share it but I think it’s very likely to take the limelight from your brother and SIL and I would view that as intentional.

Feeling better after your little superior rant 😂

I was not a bridezilla diva though.
great, but you should read the OP, she's NOT the bride, she's a guest.

literally the opposite of "precious behaviour". It's not the bride asking for the news to be hidden, it's a guest. It's called being considerate. No one cares what YOU thought or not, it's not about you, it's about another couple. Indeed, let them have their day, let's not make it all about a random MN poster playing the "cool girl".

Be the named driver. Delay your announcement - this is their time to be in the limelight.
Congratulations!

Don't announce the pregnancy.

Just try to avoid drinking. HOLD a glass in your hand, but also, yes, have a soft drink that looks like alcohol. And if anyone notices, you're on antibiotics. No alcohol allowed.

Genuinely no one will notice/care that you’re not drinking. I’m 11 weeks pregnant and going to a wedding on Friday. I won’t say anything as that makes people suspicious more than you just getting on with it and doing your own thing

Announce it after the wedding. Just say you’re on antibiotics for xyz (chest infection etc) and not allowed alcohol whilst on them.

Don't say you're on antibiotics, it's soooooo obvious!

I'd keep it quiet. I told one person when I was 8 weeks pregnant for practical reasons and I'd lost the baby by 12 weeks. I'm really really glad I didn't announce it further.

Say you're on antibiotics and don't drink? People won't be that observant of who is and isn't drinking surely?? The focus will be, rightly, on the couple whose wedding you are there to celebrate.

Announce another time - this is a no brainer, don't overshadow their day FFS

You’ll be fine not drinking at the wedding. I’m 2 years sober and I still have to have the same conversation about how I don’t drink anymore every single time I go to any social function because people completely don’t notice I’m not drinking. Like they are shocked that the glass in my hand is just tonic water or is an AF beer. If you don’t announce it or make a big deal, no one will notice or care.

And you aren’t an alcoholic like me, so it’s perfectly fine to have a few sips of champagne at the toast and then have your dh finish your glass later.

Only you know how your family would react, but I think the period after a family wedding is a bit of a lull for everyone. Save your happy news for then and it will be a bit of a cherry on top after all the celebrations.

Don't "announce" anything, just tell people like a normal person having a conversation. Unless your brother and his fiance are precious idiots it won't negatively affect their wedding in the least.

Don't overthink it.

Don’t be so mean. Focus is on your brother. Wait until 12 weeks and then tell. As to not drinking can’t you say you are designated driver? Or you just don’t feel like drinking. Or walk round with a full glass and just don’t drink it

Another vote for wait.

Definitely wait.

Is it your first child OP? If it is, I understand the excitement and need to tell everyone... If not, then you already know you should wait - otherwise you wouldn't have asked the question.

Also - massive congrats!!

Completely agree. A this talk of limelight and overshadowing and attention stealing is so cringey.

Telling family earlier than 12 weeks is totally normal. Storing it up to make a big announcement after the wedding is far more attention seeking than just letting people know now.

What will everyone be drinking? If it’s wine, decant non-alcoholic wine into an empty wine bottle 🤣

Just drink soft drinks but ensure they are out of the same shaped glass as spirits.

Drink water from a wine glass, hold the champagne flute but don't drink from it.

Enjoy the announcement when you are ready and after the wedding.