To feel sad after rejection from school Mum

[Cafeshops]

DS is finishing Year 1 in school, he is best friends with another little boy since reception. Despite efforts the boys mother has shown no interest in playdates etc, ive invited her to the park twice and also to a local child disco. Her responses are usually friendly but just stating she's busy.
That's all fine, I know people have busy lifes but ive noticed recently she's ignoring me at events and almost being rude. Ive passed her a few times on school drop off and she usually avoids eye contact, we were recently at a kids sports event our kids were attending and she walked round behind the pitch to sit on the opposite side from me, no hello or acknowledgement. I did go over and say a quick hello, she was cordial but I wouldn't say friendly. Another school event she basically walked past me and sat with another group and I noticed she came over to a few people to chat briefly during the event but ignored me, despite me sitting not very far from others she spoke with. My DS is quite keen on this other boy and they would be close in school according to the teacher.
AIBU to feel sad about this? Im not sure what else I can do without coming across as full on as she clearly doesn't want even a friendly relationship with me despite seeming friendly with lots of other school mums from the class.

@Cafeshops save yourself and take the hint, she's just not interested 😔

I was going to suggest that she may be shy or have social anxiety, but you said she was speaking to others.

Could it be she doesn't like your son?

My kids left school ages ago, but there were some kids I wasn't keen on and wouldn't want a playdate with my kids and them.

It was mainly naughty behaviour of the kids from my observation at other parties or what I witnessed myself in school.

She clearly doesn’t want to be friends with you, whatever the reason, so I wouldn’t waste your time on it. You may have come across as trying too hard though, with the multiple invites.

Just because your children are friends doesn’t mean you have to be. My DDs good friends with a girl and I’ve never spoken to her mum. They’re not really missing out by not doing play dates, they still see each other in school and as they get older they will be more independent and meet without you. I really wouldn’t stress about it.

Possibly, her son would be more misbehaved imo and can be quite rowdy at birthday parties etc but feel even if it's that its strange not to say hello when passing on school runs. I suppose because of the recent events with us both attending im more aware that she's being unfriendly where perhaps I didnt notice it as much

She might be avoiding you now because she thinks that you’ll offer another invitation that she will have to turn down.

It’s nice that you want to encourage the friendship but your son will find his own way I’m sure.

I have a neighbour who blanked me for the full 7 years of primary school, and I've no idea why. Pretty sure I never did anything to him but say hello.

All you can do is just not give it the headspace, I think.

@Anemone52 She might be avoiding you now because she thinks that you’ll offer another invitation that she will have to turn down.

I think this is the reason too.

Why the rudeness though I don't know, I think unfortunately this is just typical playground behaviour. There's always cliques /bitchiness/gossiping. I wouldn't take it personally, but don't ask her any more and I wouldn't expect her to be friendly again, this is just how it goes. Does your ds get along with any other children who you could ask for a play date?

I was going to ask if she has anything going on in her life/health conditions/social anxiety? Could she feel talkative some days, and not others. I've had people look right through me before, they were just in their own head, it wasn't personal.

Ha same here 😅 we're at 4 years though, I've done nothing but be nice to them!
It's weird isn't it.
And I've learned that there's no point in asking if there is a problem because 99% of the time they'll say no noo no problem and then they'll carry on blanking/being rude.

If she has told you she’s busy on three separate occasions it means she does not want to meet up with you. I wouldn’t have persisted after asking her the first time. She declined politely and is cordial when you say hello but it sounds as if she is avoiding you now because she feels awkward and doesn’t want to risk having to deal with yet another invite.

I’ve been in her situation and had to actively avoid a school mum who kept suggesting we meet up as our DC were friends. I had absolutely nothing against the woman but just had no interest in spending time with her and her DC.

You are not BU to feel sad btw.

It'll be this. There's only so many times you can make excuses.

There was a school mum who was desperate to be my friend.... she would walk home with us and constantly hint about coming in for a brew. I lied every single time and said my house was a mess 🤣

Then when she eventually saw her arse she went around telling other mums my house was a mess 🤣

Sounds like my nbrs, very clique like with each other, and miserable.

Not everyone wants to be friends with everyone though? Its not about being rude. I don't speak to my neighbours and I've lived here for 5 years..... I will take in parcels though and then send the kids round with them 😅

I definitely don't want to be friends with them either 🤣, but to look through me when I say hello is rude, especially when I've had their kid round at mine to play and fed her numerous times.
I don't have conversations with my other neighbours but we're all polite and let on when we see each other.

I'd agree she's avoiding you as she doesn't want to be asked again. Some don't like inviting people home. They might be embarrassed about their home or have problems. Others can be trying to steer their dc's friendships in a particular direction. I found this quite odd but I've heard adults saying it. They might find someone too silly or immature for example. Or want their dc to associate with particular types.

My dc are grown now. They have friendships that have lasted the course. Generally with dc who have kind, cooperative parents. You need to try and build other friendships. Invite someone else to the park. It's a shame though if they get on.

Yeah that's completely different if your children play together, very odd of them. My neighbours are about 20 years older than me so don't have kids my age 😅

It’s a rule on MN that school mums who do not smile and chat with other mums at the school gates are cliquey, rude, bitchy etc. Alternatively they must be depressed or suffering from anxiety.

It couldn’t simply be because they just do not wish to befriend a bunch of random women.

That rule does not apply to school dads though.

What does saw her arse mean?
I’m trying to think but I can’t see how her arse fits. I’m intrigued enough to ask though!

I dont think so because the last invite was at the end of the reception year and haven't suggested anything since then and as I said i totally understand if she's busy/doesn't want a meet up but totally avoiding me seems extreme especially as she's chatty with other mums

She'll be avoiding you, so you don't try and suggest another playdate. She's clearly not interested.

Parents never think their kids are badly behaved IMO. Especially the ones that are poorly behaved.

Maybe the other kid isn't as close a friend to your son as you think, or as your son thinks. He may have said something to his mum.

My daughter was invited to a party when at school and on the day, she said she didn't want to go, that the boy was always so naughty. She didn't like him, but he obviously liked her enough to invite her.

I felt bad as we'd accepted the invite. It was close to home so I took the gift and said DD was sick.

Has you son got other friends?

It is rude, even if she doesn't like you or your son there's no harm in just smiling and saying hello.

My son leaves primary school in a matter of weeks and I am so relieved to be leaving all this behind - I’ve had all sorts of weird social things like this, it’s been like being back at school myself 🙄

Unfortunately my experience is that school mums are cliquey, I doubt you’ve done anything wrong. It’s a shame for your son but they will still see each other in school. As they get older there will be more opportunity for them to see each other out of school as well if they are still close friends.

She doesn’t like you for whatever reason. Blank her back.

Why she’s acting like this doesn’t matter OP, I would write her off as not a very nice person and ignore from now on. Knowing probably won’t make you feel any better so just try to forget about it- you’ve been nice, you’ve tried, end of story. Hope you bump into someone else you gel with better. :)

Got annoyed, angry, sulking 😅