To feel sad after rejection from school Mum

[Cafeshops]

DS is finishing Year 1 in school, he is best friends with another little boy since reception. Despite efforts the boys mother has shown no interest in playdates etc, ive invited her to the park twice and also to a local child disco. Her responses are usually friendly but just stating she's busy.
That's all fine, I know people have busy lifes but ive noticed recently she's ignoring me at events and almost being rude. Ive passed her a few times on school drop off and she usually avoids eye contact, we were recently at a kids sports event our kids were attending and she walked round behind the pitch to sit on the opposite side from me, no hello or acknowledgement. I did go over and say a quick hello, she was cordial but I wouldn't say friendly. Another school event she basically walked past me and sat with another group and I noticed she came over to a few people to chat briefly during the event but ignored me, despite me sitting not very far from others she spoke with. My DS is quite keen on this other boy and they would be close in school according to the teacher.
AIBU to feel sad about this? Im not sure what else I can do without coming across as full on as she clearly doesn't want even a friendly relationship with me despite seeming friendly with lots of other school mums from the class.

Are you from the South or not in the UK?

Might be a more northern phrase if you haven’t heard it.

Seen your arse, being arsey, is a well known saying from my neck of the woods. DH often asks me why I’ve ’seen my arse’ about something 😆

I don’t really get this “she doesn’t want to be your friend” view. I don’t go playdates because I want to be friends with the parents I do them because my child gets on with another kid and because of her age I have to chaperone her.

OP you tried, don’t worry about it, some people are just like this, they have their reasons, some may be stupid reasons some may be reasonable. You asked her and she said no so best to move on. The majority of parents at my child's school are completely normal but there are one or two who are very cliquey and I think they prefer parents that will fit in with whatever social scene they are trying to build.

She's taken a dislike to you. For whatever reason, and you'll never know, she just doesn't like you.

This might sound harsh OP, but for some reason she either doesn't want to children to be friends or to be friends with you, and that is her choice. Leave it be.

This

Agree 100 per cent - blank her right back.....

I've also met people like this, and it says more about them then it does about you.

Why are we assuming the other lady isn't a nice person though? She's done nothing wrong.

The school Dads at our school gate are all friendly and wouldn’t be cliquey at all. It’s about 50/50 Mums and Dads. I would be just as judgey if one of them were grumpy and rude, but they’re not.

@Cafeshops how big is your class? Why do you care that she isnt that interested? Don't you have more people who are? Honestly, my experience is just move on and find your own tribe.

We have a couple of kids with SEN in our class. The mum tries to do lots of playdates but many refuse them now because the child is considered 'uncool'. My kids go because they have a fun time with them. However I can see that the mum in question would find some of the other parents hurtful. However its just because their kids aren't interested.

We also have a mum who only likes very wealthy parents and is extremely selective here. She literally looks through you if you don't fit the look/religion. I find her extremely mean girl ish but I'm glad that my thoughts aren't isolated and others have mentioned it to me. I don't get upset, I just think she's a bit of a cow. The child is OK but I'm no hurry to actively organise solo play dates.

My point is there are lots of complexities at bay and you can't control everything. Just look for those you gel with.

You are aware that just because your kids are friends doesn't mean you have to be friends too?

Hi op I went through similar when we moved to the small town we live in and it really stung for.a bit but the mums just weren't my tribe as they say. Friendship has to be a two way street. I would.ignore.too.now and match the other mum's energy.

Perhaps she feels she has enough friends and doesn't have the time to get more involved with anyone else. She probably hasn't given it any thought at all and has no idea how she comes across to you.

Personally I had a couple of years when I was working fewer hours and had more time to get to know people, but even then I knew I'd be stepping it up in my career in future so didn't want to get too involved and then feel guilty later because I didn't have time for people.

Turn it round in your head. Just think sod her her loss. Reach out to other mums and make your own clique - then have far more fun than her!

Yes this can be true.

I’ve had a couple of children try to “ corner” my Dc into friendships. It’s not that my Dc don’t like them as such, but they have wanted to kind of commandeer them to the exclusion of others, which was affecting my DC’s other friendships. I probably acted slightly like this to the mums if I’m honest, for exactly the reason suggested by others, namely it get embarrassing turning their advances down.

I think as a general rule it helps to treat these things like a tennis match: if you’ve made an advance that was turned down, the ball is on their side of the court to return it by coming back with a different suggestion if they really were just busy etc. I certainly wouldn’t make more than two offers or advances in a row that were not accepted. It’s sad, but sometimes you have to take a hint.

Three is a lady in a group I’m friends with who constantly asks us to hers for dinner or drinks or a gathering.. it’s just non stop “oh come to mine” we all started avoiding her it’s tiring and awkward as none of us really have to time and don’t want to. But having to say no thanks over a few times gets tricky so we just avoid.

I have this exact situation at the moment. I think it is because they are worried our dd's will become too friendly and will want to go in and out of each others houses, so they just ignore instead. We literally share a boundary wall and find it quite disturbing that they can't be a little civil considering our dd's get on well. This particular woman has no problem talking to literally everyone else. I find her so rude!

I'm sure no one is "desperate to be your friend".....

Ok so we have for a similar situation going on but I am the other mum.

I have already had a conversation with the other mum but she keeps persisting so I have resorted to going full ghost mode.

1- our kids are both sweet kids. But when they are together they are naughty. They just don’t bring out the best in each other and my child only seems to find trouble when with this one specific child. This behaviour comes home too and I’m not having it.

2- her life is a mess. And while I have sympathy, as soon as I open the door to it she will tell me all about her problems til kingdom come when we aren’t best friends and I’ve my own stuff to be dealing with. I don’t have the bandwidth for it.

3 - we are very different parenting wise. Her child is allowed to do A LOT of things my is not (like playing certain video games) and I don’t want my child exposed to it if I can avoid it.

It’s not personal at all, she seems nice enough. But we are definitely not a good match. And I have a group of friends with similar interests/values to my family so I am happy just maintaining those friendships

I’ve never had a problem making friends, until I moved to a small town when I had my first child. A lot of the mums at the gate already knew each other, it was tremendously cliquey. They actively snubbed/blanked me from the get go.

I’ve made a few friends at the school since, but mainly, it’s been outside of it at her various classes and activities. I will say the exclusion was awful. I literally can’t believe people who defend this behaviour, it’s a form of bullying. Yes, she doesn’t need to do play dates. But ignoring this lady at school and chatting to everyone else is horrible.

She doesn’t like you for whatever reason, it’s not a reflection on you. Don’t give it your time or energy. Xx

I agree with this, im always cordial and polite to people on the school run and to DS' friends parents but I have no desire for any more friends in honesty. My plate is already full and in honesty haven't met anyone yet that id be friends of independently of them being another parent. A few will chat to me about stuff id only chat about with friends or message a lot about stuff which isnt DS and I find it a bit awkward as I don't want to offend them but im also happy being acquaintances.

Exactly this.

I think that she thinks if she's nice to you then you will be trying to be friends again. I've had to blank a too keen mum when being nice bit me in the arse and it was torture. You know you, but she doesn't and she might just think you're one of those OTT people. I avoid people that give me that vibe because I just really don't have the energy to give what they want from me these days.

Little kids should not have best friends.

You need to invite other children out and about.

Shes one of ‘those’ mothers who have too many friends and ignore anyone else.

Shes just plain rude.

Is she friends with her older kids friends mothers? Doesn’t have time for her younger kids mothers?

I’ve met a fair few of them.

Don’t waste your breath.

Being friendly is not the crime you're making it out to be ffs...what is wrong with people!

OP just blank the miserable b from now on.

This, just get the hint and leave her be

I had the opposite, moved in to my new house that we bought, when it was up for sale, one of the neighbours had a nosey at it on the website. So after we moved in, she eventually realised I was taking my kids to the same school, she came up to me in the playground all friendly, asking lots of questions about the house. After that day she never spoke to me again, in fact would walk right past me to get to another mum.
so the cheeky cow only spoke to me as she wanted to know about the house, no interest in me. I could never do that, if I spoke to someone once, I would always say hello to them in passing as a minimum.