To feel sad after rejection from school Mum

[Cafeshops]

DS is finishing Year 1 in school, he is best friends with another little boy since reception. Despite efforts the boys mother has shown no interest in playdates etc, ive invited her to the park twice and also to a local child disco. Her responses are usually friendly but just stating she's busy.
That's all fine, I know people have busy lifes but ive noticed recently she's ignoring me at events and almost being rude. Ive passed her a few times on school drop off and she usually avoids eye contact, we were recently at a kids sports event our kids were attending and she walked round behind the pitch to sit on the opposite side from me, no hello or acknowledgement. I did go over and say a quick hello, she was cordial but I wouldn't say friendly. Another school event she basically walked past me and sat with another group and I noticed she came over to a few people to chat briefly during the event but ignored me, despite me sitting not very far from others she spoke with. My DS is quite keen on this other boy and they would be close in school according to the teacher.
AIBU to feel sad about this? Im not sure what else I can do without coming across as full on as she clearly doesn't want even a friendly relationship with me despite seeming friendly with lots of other school mums from the class.

I had the opposite, moved in to my new house that we bought, when it was up for sale, one of the neighbours had a nosey at it on the website. So after we moved in, she eventually realised I was taking my kids to the same school, she came up to me in the playground all friendly, asking lots of questions about the house. After that day she never spoke to me again, in fact would walk right past me to get to another mum.
so the cheeky cow only spoke to me as she wanted to know about the house, no interest in me. I could never do that, if I spoke to someone once, I would always say hello to them in passing as a minimum.

It makes me think she doesn't really like your son for whatever reason.
I have no real desire to hang out or be friends with school mums. I'm always polite and friendly. My DS is close friends with another boy, they really adore eachother. It's necessary to talk to and sometimes spend time with his family so that the boys can be together and I'm happy to do it for their sake.

Out of interest OP does your DS ask to have this child over for play dates? Is it him who is navigating your interest in this child? If so I can understand you being sad for your DS, that’s a tough one for kids to understand. If it’s you who is trying so hard to nurture the friendship then I would just leave be. If the boys are naturally drawn to each other it’ll work itself out. Just explain to your DS gently about the lack of contact outside of school and try and find him other friends/activities.

Whoever thinks ‘cliquey’ behaviour doesn’t exist at the school gate must live under a stone. It does without a doubt. It’s a breeding ground for those who want to be a ‘queen bee’. Just like being back in school, the ‘popular’ groups rule. I’m not suggesting this is the case with this Mum, I’m just saying it exists.

I hope your DS isn’t troubled by this, please ensure he isn’t focussed on this child. Encourage outside interests for him.

I hope things sort themselves out OP

I had a sports day to attend yesterday and I didn't want to talk to anyone, was happy being by myself even though I knew a few faces. Have a lot on my mind just now. Possibly this mum has a lot on and doesn't want extra stuff to talk about...

Who cares why she’s doing it, we could all wonder for ever and never know. It doesn’t matter anyway.

It’s hurtful for you but all you can do is control your response - don’t allow it to get to you. Easier said than done, of course x

She's rude AF. She's suddenly acting like she doesn't know OP, you surely don't think that's normal or OK? Echoing other posters, just forget about her OP, better off not being friends with someone like this anyway. Just smile if you see her and walk on

I don't think there's anything you can do about this other than shrug it off and ignore her back. It may come around and bite her in the arse when a year down the line her son is begging her to set something up with your son and she has to approach you and invite you to something. I have known this to happen.

Could he be a second or third child? She might have established her circle of friends with her first born and can’t be bothered making any more effort.I definitely think parents of first born a make the most effort with other parents.

Let it go. You may never know what is causing her to behave like this - it could be something totally irrational like you remind her of her husbands ex or she doesn’t like green adidas trainers. It’s her problem and not yours.
Instead of giving headspace to this, you could be building friendships with other mothers.
Keep on acknowledging her but remove your expectations of her. Life is too short to let this kind of thing get to you.

At a time when my nursery class DD was being very much pursued by another child who wanted to be best friends with her, was very bossy and stopped my DD playing with other children, I was similarly targeted by the child's parent. She would interrupt any conversation I was having, direct conversation at me when I needed to leave to collect my other child and push, push push the friendship, seeking playdates and meet ups as they are 'best friends'. It was just too much and very uncomfortable. She was worried about her child and was trying to force the situation. You can't steamroller children or parents into intense friendships. You have to let it evolve. I feel like you've been too pushy and full on OP. In this case, the DDs did develop a long term friendship and I am friends with the parent, but the intensity of the pursuit was a hindrance, not a help. You have to respect other people's boundaries and feelings. I also agree that many parents are oblivious to their own children's bad behaviour and therefore why certain friendships wouldn't be encouraged.

Maybe she smells wrong. People like to forget we are animals too and react instictively (sometimes).

Im not sure what else I can do without coming across as full on as she clearly doesn't want even a friendly relationship with me despite seeming friendly with lots of other school mums from the class.

Kindly, I think you need to take the hint that she isn't interested in being friends with you and do nothing.

She's not being friendly with you because you keep trying to engage her when she has made it clear that she isn't interested in being friends with you.

No one here will know why that is. Maybe your repeated efforts feel intense or needy to her. Maybe she knows the others outside school and doesn't want any more schoolgate mum friends. Maybe her child has told her that he doesn't want to see your child out of school. There's also a big difference between being happy to exchange pleasantries and chit chat with parents on the playground and being repeatedly invited to things by one.

It doesn't matter whether people think she is being unreasonable either. She has her own life with her own boundaries and all she is doing is enforcing those. If she is now even avoiding eye contact with you, you shouldn't be wondering what else you can do but stop all of it. She doesn't want a friendly relationship with you and that's OK.

You've invited her and her son to various playdates and she's politely refused all of them. I suspect she's avoiding you because she thinks you're going to invite her to another, which she'll decline again. It's becoming awkward, so her solution is to avoid you. No one knows why she's not interested, and you could go around in circles trying to figure it out. She may dislike your son, dislike you, feel she has nothing in common with you other than the children etc. Who knows. It's not worth wasting your energy over. Accept she's not interested in being friends, even for the children's sake. If she passes you, give a friendly hello, but don't actively seek her out, to speak to her. Yes, it's a shame but there's little point in keeping trying, it's obvious she's not interested.

Why do you think school mums are different to any other group of women? It appears school mums can’t make their own friendship groups and have to invite everyone to everything. Also, if school mums are cliquey surely that means you are too?

Does no one ever say please stop asking, I'm not interested? Sometimes being blunt is nicer in the long run.

I wonder if her son doesn’t feel the same as the OP’s son. I think some young children have a ‘best friend’ when the other one isn’t in to them as much.

A lot of social climbing goes on at the school gates, OP. I wouldn't take it personally, just upgrade your Land rover! :-p

As already stated by other posters, she's probably fed up of OP seemingly not taking no for an answer.

Let it go…..she clearly doesn’t want to ‘socialise’ with you, keep pushing and you’ll end up looking needy.
You DS is only young, as he grows he will associate with more and more children and before you know it he will have lots of friends for play dates, sleepovers and parties.

Why? She invited them to th9ngs three times across a school year and says hello when she sees her?

Their children get on, it's only natural to want to get on with the parent of your child's friend.

I agree, ask the child somewhere alone, especially now going into year 2.

maybe your child has done something to upset hers? I had this with my dd. Mum of friend thought they were best friends, my dd was coming home crying everyday that ‘sally’ did this and said that. Sallys mum was none the wiser and thought they got in great. Obviously I started ducking out of play dates when I noticed sallys behaviour at our house one day. No need to be rude, but can understand sometimes people need to steer their children’s friendships

I'm sorry but all of us know people who 'just aren't our type'.

For whatever reason she's not interested in being friends.

I had to back off from various mums at the school gate who weren't just 'for me'.

I'd take the hint and try to make new friends.

I had similar. I was upset like you. Once I took the family swimming and we all saw her in the pool. I said hello, she got out and left her children and husband! A few weeks later, we were both involved in a school activity. I asked her in front of everyone, why she ignored me like that?! She went quiet, and said it was because I'm a size 10 and she's fat, she didn't want to see me there. It was werid but at least i knew it was her problem not mine, but I never bothered acknowledging her again.

This. She's is rude so just ignore her.

We don't have to be bffs with school mums but we all grin and bear it for the sake of our kids. If my dc had wanted friends over I wouldn't have given a rat's ass if I particularly liked the parents I'd have invited the dc or accepted invites. I've spent many a doorstep pick up or drop off smiling and nodding to a parent I'd normally have nothing in common with.

Just focus on others dc and stop trying to engage, she is not someone to waste your time over.

Yes I did, but she still asks, she’s ignored my bluntness. She invites herself “oh I must pop round on Friday” to while I say “no I’m working” it’s that blunt but it still happens.

Not suggesting the OP is like this.