To feel sad after rejection from school Mum

[Cafeshops]

DS is finishing Year 1 in school, he is best friends with another little boy since reception. Despite efforts the boys mother has shown no interest in playdates etc, ive invited her to the park twice and also to a local child disco. Her responses are usually friendly but just stating she's busy.
That's all fine, I know people have busy lifes but ive noticed recently she's ignoring me at events and almost being rude. Ive passed her a few times on school drop off and she usually avoids eye contact, we were recently at a kids sports event our kids were attending and she walked round behind the pitch to sit on the opposite side from me, no hello or acknowledgement. I did go over and say a quick hello, she was cordial but I wouldn't say friendly. Another school event she basically walked past me and sat with another group and I noticed she came over to a few people to chat briefly during the event but ignored me, despite me sitting not very far from others she spoke with. My DS is quite keen on this other boy and they would be close in school according to the teacher.
AIBU to feel sad about this? Im not sure what else I can do without coming across as full on as she clearly doesn't want even a friendly relationship with me despite seeming friendly with lots of other school mums from the class.

Aww you seem so lovely but not everyone is driven by good intentions. How did those friendships go?

@Ifpickleswereticklesah I was friendly with them at the start and after a while I just found them quite nosy / bossy / condescending towards me and my child.

Not much you can do, most people are not looking for new friends in adulthood and even if loneliness is at an all time high and people no longer have lots of friends. It is very difficult to get the balance right between approach and not making a pain or fool of yourself. I know I've not even noticed people trying to befriend me in the past because I wouldn't assume anyone wanted me. Its a mine field.

No where

Like I said I had zero in common
Total waist of time

a few playdates for my son was all I needed to do

Freindship with mum not required

I waisted my time being sad about this

Let it go

I hate socialising with other school mums as well and I’d avoid eye contact for fear of you inviting me to more shite. She’s clearly not interested and that’s ok.

If the kids are friends and want to spend time together, invite the child for a play date, his mum can drop off.

She probably just doesn't like your hairstyle or colour?

Is it because those dads have no interest in their kids friendships and the drop off is about the limit of their parenting foe the day? unlike mums who manage almost all of their kids lives = parent a lot more than dads.
In my experience they can be very miserable and blank you too and it's just as offensive but it's simply because they don't recognise you because they have so little interest in their kids friendships. As men simply don't care.

So little reading comprehension and so many assume this OP wants to be friends with that mum. I don't think OP is seeking a friendships with Mother Gothel at all, she's feeling deflated the wicked mother won't facilitate a friendship between the kids for no good reason. It's simply bad, over-controlling parenting. She is a big red flag.

I was wondering with the playdates is it necessary the mother attend as well as her son? Perhaps playdates are something she really detests or doesn't have time for?

I do understand it just be uncomfortable for her to be blanking you at school events when she's talking to others.

What a meanie. Just forget her and move on. The boys can hang out at school. At least you’ve tried. Her loss.

Could you not have sent your DC with her instead of going yourself?

She probably won't let the kid go on her own if she's blanking the mum.

No just the people your kid is friends with would do.
The woman is a selfish prick, people like that are.

This might sound a bit out there OP , some parents only like to see their friends with kids from school that match them financially..
Is she a snob ?
I obviously have no idea what you do for a living, nor am I asking ..

Hey op this is just how some mums are she has her click just don’t make any effort with her whatsoever treat her like she’s treating you. Your son might like her son but next year they could fall out then it won’t matter it is hard when your just trying to be nice. You tried now leave her to it she really isn’t worth it.

Because her kid is good friends with the wicked mum kid. How did you miss this.

It's her kids friends mum. She can make her choices and she has made a selfish nasty one.

My friend is going through the same kinda thing at the moment, but she’s the other mum! Friends son is pals with another boy in his class and they’re both quite naughty - my friend is convinced that the other boy brings out the worst in her son. The other mum sounds like you @Cafeshops in just making polite suggestions occasionally for them to get together. My friend however is not keen to encourage the boys’ friendship even though she quite likes the other mum, but also doesn’t want to offend by saying her son is naughty - so she openly tells me she avoids the other mum and makes excuses not to meet up, and feels awkward when she’s around - but she does like her.
I don’t suppose my post helps much sorry OP, but I just really wanted to point out that maybe it’s her not you, as in maybe it’s a her thing that she doesn’t want to encourage the boys friendship for whatever reason.

I struggle with the whole concept of ‘play dates’. I hate everything about them, from the wanky sounding name to the expectation that the mums have to sit together and make polite conversation and be friends. It’s either forcing a friendship between the mums, simply because the kids get on, or forcing a friendship between the kids, simply because the mums get on. The whole thing is unnatural. And did I mention how cringey the name is? Who came up with the name? They should have been shot the minute that phrase came out of their mouth.

Let your children manage their own social lives. What happened to coming out from school and asking your mum if Alison can come home for tea tomorrow? Or round to play at the weekend? How will they manage when they get to secondary school and have only the vaguest idea of how to have a natural friendship because their mums have always facilitated everything for them?

OP, you’re just not her cup of tea at first glance. It’s an ego blow. Of course it is. But think of all the reasons you take a dislike to people you don’t really know. And whatever it is, it’s obviously not a part of your personality, because she doesn’t know you well enough. So it’s going to be something small and insignificant. The point is, it doesn’t matter because she’s not your friend either. You don’t have to spend any time with her, pretending to be interested in her extension or what she’s cooking for tea. She’s left room for you to be friends with some who likes every bit of you.

This is deranged. This other mother, who simply doesn’t want to hang out with OP - as is her right - is now being called, amongst other things, ‘selfish’, ‘evil’ (really?), ‘prick’, ‘nasty’, and a ‘snob’. Just because she prefers to sit with her own friends.

My DS is an only. I used to host loads of play dates when he was in reception. I never invited the mothers; I collected from school and they’d pick up. The only mums I’d have at mine were my actual friends; the ones I liked and wanted to hang with.

I had this many years ago. In primary school her daughter seemed to have a crush on my son and would follow him around relentlessly, they were only about 8 at the time. Was quite sweet, as usual my son being a male just seemed fairly oblivious but he’s always been a friendly lad. I thought why not let her daughter come round for a play date during the holidays etc. but when I suggested it she always looked at me like a rabbit in the headlights. Basically she was one of the groupie “cool” mums and I definitely wasn’t one of them (thank god). I think she was upset that that her daughters affections were fixated on a lesser mortal 🤣

This happened in nursery too for me. Asked my ds friends mums for playdates. Always busy. It's because I'm not posh enough I guess and wear alternative clothing.
But tough shit I'm not changing to fit in, miserable bitches.
Our son can have as many friends round ours as he wants. I'm happy being the hub.

Primary school parents are a bit of a minefield, largely because it's a microcosm of society. You get so many different personalities and circumstances within a small environment. Unless you've done something awful, a parent not making an effort with you isn't personal.

You have the parents who met at NCT have been friends for years and just have no interest in speaking to others beyond their group

You have parents that will talk to anyone

Parents who are so scarred by school cliques they keep everyone at arms length

Parents who rush off to work

And everything in between.

I'm a parent that only spoke to a few parents I got to know over time. If someone approached me I would never be rude and ignore them completely, but I wouldn't have a long conversation with them. And if they didn't approach me I wouldn't acknowledge them or instigate any contact, because small talk bores me.

I also have an RBF. I always look mildly cross if I'm not talking. It's just my face. I pulled the same expression as a baby. There's probably some poor souls out there who think I've glared at them when I'm actually just in my own world.

This mum doesn't sound like a dick or like she's evil. She just sounds like someone who isn't interested in knowing you.

People have their own lives don't they?Everyone is there because their kids go to the same school. It doesn't mean you're anything more than acquaintances. If you make a real friend a long the way, that's great. As the kids get older they can socialise without the parents, so thankfully, it removes all of those barriers. Some people have friends outside of school, and work etc so just aren't bothered the same way.