To feel sad after rejection from school Mum

[Cafeshops]

DS is finishing Year 1 in school, he is best friends with another little boy since reception. Despite efforts the boys mother has shown no interest in playdates etc, ive invited her to the park twice and also to a local child disco. Her responses are usually friendly but just stating she's busy.
That's all fine, I know people have busy lifes but ive noticed recently she's ignoring me at events and almost being rude. Ive passed her a few times on school drop off and she usually avoids eye contact, we were recently at a kids sports event our kids were attending and she walked round behind the pitch to sit on the opposite side from me, no hello or acknowledgement. I did go over and say a quick hello, she was cordial but I wouldn't say friendly. Another school event she basically walked past me and sat with another group and I noticed she came over to a few people to chat briefly during the event but ignored me, despite me sitting not very far from others she spoke with. My DS is quite keen on this other boy and they would be close in school according to the teacher.
AIBU to feel sad about this? Im not sure what else I can do without coming across as full on as she clearly doesn't want even a friendly relationship with me despite seeming friendly with lots of other school mums from the class.

I had a woman like this when our kids were little. Blanked me. Acknolwefged people I was with, did a sort of half smile at me, but never was friendly. It wasn’t just me, other people noticed it too.
Fast forward 20 years and I now work with her and we are good friends. Weirdly. Never discussed why she reacted like that, but I know she had a lot going on with her personal life so likely wasn’t personal.

Can you not invite the child to play for an hour after school without the mum. So kids can be friends but your not forcing the mum to be friends with you at the same time

You don't need to be best mates with parents of your son's friends. You can't force friendships. Leave it. The boys will manage.

Lol…I’m wondering about that too. 😂

I would do this. Two can play that game.

I think at some point we've all had this.

At the end of the day, there's a good chance that this will backfire on her. If your sons are good friends then as they get older her son is going to start asking for his own playdates, and choosing who he wants at a birthday party etc - meaning she's going to be forced to interact with you.

It's not you, it's her. But where you do have to take accountability is recognising that you are coming at this scenario from a place of low self-esteem. You need to fix that.

She's being rude unnecessarily. It's not hard to make polite chit chat, smile/wave and acknowledge someone. So recognise that. You're being friendly. She's not and it's unnecessary - you haven't given her a reason, you haven't slept with her husband for goodness sake! It's rude for her to behave that way with an acquaintance.

So view her as socially inept, instead of through the lens of, 'what's wrong with me'.

Your own confidence and sense of self will grow as a result.

Tell her to get stuffed and stick it up her a@@e.

Nah... I'm not buying that. She had a problem.

“ive invited her to the park twice and also to a local child disco. Her responses are usually friendly but just stating she's busy.”
“ I did go over and say a quick hello, she was cordial but I wouldn't say friendly. “

Just reading that makes me feel that you’re chasing her. She’s not interested. She’s allowed to be not interested. You’ve invited her three times and she’s politely said no. You actively crossed a games pitch to pursue her again.

For whatever reason, she’s not interested in being your friend. You really need to leave it now; you’re probably making her uncomfortable so, yes, she’s now actively avoiding you. Your children can be friends; you don’t need to be.

Plus, just because your DS is keen on her son, doesn’t necessarily mean her son is. My DS came under huge pressure from a child in primary, to the extent that he felt smothered. She may have her own reasons for not wanting to further the friendship outside of school, and again, that is ok. I did the same, actively encouraging a wide a friendship circle as possible.

There’s a woman in our social group I just don’t gel with. I can’t explain it; there’s absolutely nothing wrong with her, but I don’t want to be friends. I’ll be polite, but I won’t instigate conversation or choose to sit near her, if I can help it. I try not to go to social events like an intimate dinner if she’s there. It’s me, not her.

OP, I disagree with most posters on here. What happened to kindness?

You’re not asking to be her best friend, she’s being unkind by not even trying to know you or interact.

for your own sanity, I would completely forget about her, don’t engage. Sorry this is happening to you, for me this is low level bullying.

Just invite the kid over after school one day and make it clear that the invitation does not include her.

If she stills turns that down then I'm sorry, you will just have to move on and arrange playdates with other kids. Some people are just rude.

Stop with the invitations OP (it sounds like you have already tbf) and mentally blank the snotty mare woman out of your life. If she can’t muster up the decency to be polite and to acknowledge you, it’s her problem not yours. If her aversion to you is as irrational as it sounds, it indicates a problem of hers on a deeper level. Who knows what it is… social insecurity or snobbery / jealousy / power playing, whatever… it is not your problem. It will manifest itself in other ways with other people even those she’s friends with, so consider it a bullet dodged. Pick your self respect and esteem off the floor and go surround yourself with nice people who make you feel worthy.

Leave it, don't beg others for a friendship. There was a mum like this at my dc 's school; she always hung around the wealthier / trendier parents. Our dd's were friends in school but the mum was into social engineering so they didn't hang out much after school.

Eventually, the mum found out that I was friends with a minor celebrity and suddenly she was all over me! Pick up times were difficult as I had to run through, grab dc before I got accosted by her. Some people are incredibly shallow like this woman was.

I also experienced the same. It’s not nice as a parent, especially when your children are desperate to be included in the holiday ‘group park dates’.

There was a particular strong clique with the parents of the group of one of my children and my face just didn’t fit. I was overweight. I guess I didn’t fit their image of who they wanted to be seen with in the park / coffee shop.

Ha, I wonder if we were friends with the same woman as I was going to include an anecdote about ‘one of those’ in my post above!

I decided not to as it might be outing, but needless to say, the woman in question’s social insecurity hasn’t done her any favours in the long run; all her cool wealthy friends sussed her out eventually (it took them a few years tbf) and she finally moved away as it turned out she wasn’t happy here had no friends.

Have had this several times too some people are just weird / rude / unfriendly. She may feel threatened by you for some reason. It's a shame when your kids are friends but you can't do anything about it. Just focus on the nice parents instead.

Another aspect which will get eye rolls is could she be jealous of you physically? Some women actively despise better looking or more alternative women - nothing to do with personality.

There’s a woman in our social group I just don’t gel with. I can’t explain it; there’s absolutely nothing wrong with her, but I don’t want to be friends.

Do you not have any idea why you dislike her? There must be a reason

You sound a bit full on TBH

But maybe she is trying her best to want you to take a hint for the million of reasons she may have it comes down to she does not want too, for yours and her sake just stop and stop assuming anything about her or any other school parents

did you do this to people before you had a child/ren?

There does not have to be a reason, why does it seem people turn into some intense drama people when they have children and suddenly become part of the school 'gang'

Because saying the woman has nothing wrong with her but also that she cannot stand to be in her company is baffling. And there has to be a reason for it or the PP wouldn’t admit to refusing dinner invites if she knows she’ll be there. You wouldn’t do that if you were just ambivalent towards someone, so again there has to be a reason. She said herself she couldn’t put it into words - not that she selected this woman at random to avoid for shits and giggles. Trying to explain it would provide an insight to those of us who are avoided without knowing why so that we can perhaps reflect on how we interact going forward, if it bothers us enough. That’s all.

I wouldn’t invest any more of your time trying to work why she’s acting this way, OP. Distance yourself now and mirror her cordial responses if your paths cross in the future.

As the DC become older friendships most likely will change.

Of course there has to be a reason for you to intensely dislike someone