‘You’re NOT allowed to get married again’.

[whataboot]

Somewhat lighthearted but when chatting to a friend a few months ago, she told me that if she was to die first she’d banned her husband from ever marrying again. At first I thought she was joking but no, she was dead (pardon the pun) serious. It turns out that when her mum died, she’d also told her dad that she couldn’t bear the thought of him marrying again either.

As far as I’m concerned, when I’m gone, I’m gone. Obviously I’d expect DH to have a suitably dignified mourning period and no shacking up with an immediate replacement but after that, well, I don’t think I have the right to deny anyone else happiness or a new relationship if that’s what they want.

But what about you? Have you had that conversation? Would you be bothered in this scenario? Or have you ‘banned’ your OH from ever seeking love post your demise?

I've told my dh I would want him to find someone else and he said the same to Me. How could you deny someone you love the chance of happiness and companionship? :(

As long as he doesnt follow the " Love, Actually" model of dating Claudia Schiffer 6 weeks after I die!

My DH and I would both like the other one to be happy again in the future (because we love each other and want what’s best for the other person). If that means eventually meeting someone else then that’s fine.

We have small children so obviously we’d want the other person to be with someone who was kind and caring towards them (the same as if we divorced and then had new relationships), and wait until the children were ready.

I’d not give two shits. I’d not want him to be lonely. Obviously she’d be nowhere near as lovely as me but I’m sure she’d make him happy anyway 😂

I've promised dh I'll never move a "stepdad" in with the kids. (He didn't ask me to). I've just heard so many grim horror stories. Even if I had a BF, if I ever got over mourning, he'd never move in with my kids.

As for him, I trust his judgement better than my own and I'd rather he and the kids were happy however possible, if I died first

We discussed this years ago when the children were young, we both agreed we’d want the other to be happy with someone else but we’d prefer them to wait at least a couple of years and preferably not have any more kids. I’d hate to think of my lovely husband being lonely for the rest of his life.

I'd want my DP to seek happiness again if I go first. I'll be dead anyway and know nothing of it!

My DH and I are both second marriages. When I told him that he had my permission to remarry if I died first, he said "twice is enough".

Still trying to work that one out....

On the basis I’d be dead I couldn’t give two shits.

I told my DH I'd haunt him. He believes in ghosts, so ...

My kids would hate it. And I'd never remarry if DH died tomorrow. I don't judge those who do remarry, but it's not us. My DF is the same way: he's been single for 15 years since my DM passed away. We're not built to need a spouse. I think we believe in true love once and done.

I wouldn’t want my DH to marry again because I want to protect my children’s inheritance.

Now that’s why we need to reaction.
We’re mid fifties and I’m glad my dc wouldn’t be subjected to “Dads new family”. As far I can see the only silver lining to losing a partner is getting a new one, of course I’d want him to find someone else.

I’d want my husband to be happy and if he met someone lovely he should go ahead. He has said the same thing to me, but to be honest I don’t think I could be bothered again to sort through all the crap men to find a good one. I think I’d just get another dog!

If I found out I was dying now I'd be desperate for my DH to find a replacement for me to mother our children. I'd literally want her to be a better version of me, no jealousy at all.

Imagine my name is Julie.

I’ve told my husband that I would love him to meet someone else after an appropriate amount of time, should I die before him.

However, my one stipulation is that her name should not be Julie. Because she’ll then be referred to as “Julie” and I’ll be “Dead Julie”.

I think that’s fair.

God I hate the thought of it. But I would be none the wiser, due to the fact I’d be dead.

I'm reminded of this picture of Queen Victoria at her son's wedding, wearing mourning clothes and staring at a bust of her dead husband. https://images.app.goo.gl/tNPUWaihgmnTgmDeA

As long as he married a decent person who would treat ours dcs well , love and care for them then go for it.

Nah I’d haunt his ass. Have a girlfriend live together whatever. But our assets are for our children not some new lady and her children.

Just like we have both spoken before and neither would want our children to have step parents or step/half siblings it’s been a conversation we have had a few times even from being young teens together.

Our family is the only the main. If it fails then new partners may come along but not new families. He comes from a long line of till we both die marriages and I come from step / half blended new grampy and say hell no to that.

Having seen my mum and stepfather blissfully enjoying their later years after the deaths of their much loved spouses, I would fully hope that my DH would find similar if I died before him. I think one if my young adult children would find it harder than the other though.

I was widowed very young. Afterwards I thought there was no chance I would marry again, but I was wrong because several years later I did remarry. I have now been with my second husband way longer than I was with my first husband. I feel incredibly lucky to have had two amazing marriages with two amazing men. Although we never talked about it, I can't imagine that my first husband wouldn't be happy for how things have worked out for me. His family, with whom I'm still very close, certainly are, and have welcomed my new husband with open arms.

Imagine the AIBU post from the DIL on that one!

You can take some legal steps to ensure your children inherit your half. Good idea to get advice on that.

He has been told he should have a respectable mourning period, buy a nice bench or something to remember me by, and share nice stories about me on a regular basis. As long as I'm respected and remembered fondly who cares? We have protected the kids inheritance through our wills though.

I do think getting a new partner immediately after losing the old one is a bit grim.

I'd just be worried that the kids would be left with nothing, and all would go to the new wifey. Assuming he dies before the new model that is.

And if all assets post the new marriage are in joint names, well then, on his death new wifey would get the lot. Feck the kids.

How do we copperfasten things for the kids then? I suppose everything held as tenants in common and the share of whoever (in the current marriage) dies first goes to the kids or is put in trust for them if they are minors.

Now look what you have me thinking about!