‘You’re NOT allowed to get married again’.

[whataboot]

Somewhat lighthearted but when chatting to a friend a few months ago, she told me that if she was to die first she’d banned her husband from ever marrying again. At first I thought she was joking but no, she was dead (pardon the pun) serious. It turns out that when her mum died, she’d also told her dad that she couldn’t bear the thought of him marrying again either.

As far as I’m concerned, when I’m gone, I’m gone. Obviously I’d expect DH to have a suitably dignified mourning period and no shacking up with an immediate replacement but after that, well, I don’t think I have the right to deny anyone else happiness or a new relationship if that’s what they want.

But what about you? Have you had that conversation? Would you be bothered in this scenario? Or have you ‘banned’ your OH from ever seeking love post your demise?

I'm really not bothered what my husband does after I die. I won't be here, nor know anything about it. It's very bizarre to try to "ban" a widowed spouse from anything after death. And the spouse can just ignore it anyway!

In my case, my new husband adopted my children, so they will inherit from both of us eventually.

We haven't had a conversation, but in that position, I would want DH to feel free to find someone else. I'd also want to find someone else, if I wished to. Life is for living.

We’ve spoken about it and have both said we’d want each other to be happy and enjoy life but doubt we’d remarry. Having said that if he was that’s fine by me too.

I’m referred to as the current husband, so I’m well aware that if I die first I will be replaced. I don’t like the idea of him being alone.

An Aunt did this. It was actually quite easy to keep track... the living "Julian" was called "Julian" (or "Julian "Surname" if one needed to be extra specific when talking about him) and the previous (deceased) "Julian" became "my late husband/my Dad/Uncle Julian/"Julian Surname" depending on who was referring to him. We all got used to it quite quickly and it came to feel very natural!

Yes we've had this conversation, and it appears from multiple threads on Reddit on this subject and now what everyone is saying here, our opinion is highly unusual and considered outright 'wrong' by most.

In our belief system you're still married after you're dead, so no, we cannot remarry if we are widowed. If he dies, he's still my husband regardless of if he dies when he's 50 or 70 or next week.

i had cancer recently and so we had this conversation! DH is allowed to marry either Amanda Holden or Nigella Lawson (his choice, but approved by DS) he says he wouldn’t remarry but he’s rubbish on his own and so I suspect he would. I meanwhile was single for a bloody long time before I met DH and would def want to go back to that rather than have another husband.

Well if you love someone you want them to be happy,

Though I’d expect no snogging until after the funeral buffet

Men often get it together with someone v swiftly though, so I’d say her ghost is going to be well pissed

I’m really hoping these people are teens and not grown ass adults

When I'm dead I'm dead - I won't know or care what happens afterwards. I've told dh that I would definitely stay single if he were no more. Not in some romantic 'there could never be anyone but you' way, but because I find the whole idea of dating again and going through the early stages of a new relationship again utterly unappealing! Plus the MN Relationships board is enough to persuade any woman to be single forever!

This. We've agreed that neither of us would remarry for this reason. Having a future relationship, absolutely, but without tying up finances.

I've discussed with my DH. Mutual ban...haha! I've no desire to be with anyone else if my DH passed away.

I would very much want him to find happiness again. I would, however, worry a lot about my children. They're still very young and a stepmother could be so disruptive to them. They might get really lucky but also might not.

That said my husband clearly has excellent taste in women so maybe all would be fine 😁

@Rhaidimiddim
As the laugh emoji has been removed, please have this...😄

I wouldn't marry again but I've told my husband he should find happiness with someone else, if I go first. I'd hate for him to be alone .

You can protect their inheritance in your Will

I would say by all means date and be happy but the money must go to our kids.

Wow are you literally me? 😆

Like a pp I’ve jokingly told my DH I would haunt him if he found somebody else when I’m dead.

The reality is I won’t know either way as I will be dead. I don’t like the idea of him finding someone else, but purely from a very selfish mother point of view - I wouldn’t like another woman being mum to my children and me to miss everything. At the same time I wouldn’t want them to be without a mother so I would hope the woman would be the maternal type if he did find somebody else!

If the children were adults though I don’t think I would care if he remarried.

I know a few men who were widowed and they all married again quite quickly.

My own dad started dating someone 10 months after my mum died. I wasn’t against the idea but 10 months was too soon for me to acknowledge it. I said I needed time. When it got to about 15 months, I felt able to meet her. They’re married now and very happy. I really would not have wanted him to spend the rest of his years on his own.

I am very uninterested in marrying again myself. Will be ok on my own.

Don't want to ever be a step mum. Not cut out for it.

You don’t know until you are widowed. Your whole
life changes in a moment and the future is shockingly unpredictable.

I think I would like to remain single if I was widowed, because I have been married twice, and would like my own time and place in later years. Although I should never say never. I have however, instructed my husband to find a new love if I go first, he needs someone more than I do, because he's hopeless at looking after himself or the cat. I've half jokingly asked a friend to take him on, she half jokingly said she would think about it.

I told my dh if I die and he meets someone else to make sure she treats my kids as if they were her own.