‘You’re NOT allowed to get married again’.

[whataboot]

Somewhat lighthearted but when chatting to a friend a few months ago, she told me that if she was to die first she’d banned her husband from ever marrying again. At first I thought she was joking but no, she was dead (pardon the pun) serious. It turns out that when her mum died, she’d also told her dad that she couldn’t bear the thought of him marrying again either.

As far as I’m concerned, when I’m gone, I’m gone. Obviously I’d expect DH to have a suitably dignified mourning period and no shacking up with an immediate replacement but after that, well, I don’t think I have the right to deny anyone else happiness or a new relationship if that’s what they want.

But what about you? Have you had that conversation? Would you be bothered in this scenario? Or have you ‘banned’ your OH from ever seeking love post your demise?

DH was widowed when we got together so I'd be an absolute hypocrite if I said something like that to him!

Given how he protected DS1's interests when we were getting together, and has also made sure my DD's are protected (just in case there is ever lost wills or anything they're still protected despite us both now being Mum and Dad to all of the kids), I would trust him completely to do the same again.

I think it's very selfish to leave the guilt on someone if they do want to meet someone else. DH's MIL (who I now call my Other-MIL) has always been very supportive of us, it was her who encouraged me to accept DS's wish to call me Mum when he was 11, and has been adamant her DD would have been delighted that DH was happy again.

yeah this. Love and cohabit - yes, he would probably want to, and that's fine. But please don't remarry. Hopefully he knows he shouldn't have more kids now he's in his 60s....but as above, for the same reason .

I would never marry twice full stop, whatever the circumstances. Vows should only be said one time.

Life is for the living, DH better meet someone else if I kick the bucket young. Not least because he's a shit cook despite his best efforts.

I get and agree with all the points about protecting the children's inheritance though.

Sure there might be nothing to inherit but then again there might! I would absolutely not tie everything my DH and I have built to another man and his kids.

Assuming we're talking about older adults with their own assets and children and with no propect of more children I really can't see any benefit of marriage over cohabiting.

I've told my hubby that when he dies I'm going to turn into a crazy dog lady & Foster rescue dogs lol
Hes already said he doesn't want another woman that one (me ) was enough , we've been together 40 years ❤️

I think it's fine to think about and discuss it. You can't control the outcome but you're allowed to have a view.

When my friends husband died he didn't want to talk about it. He couldn't even consider the possibility. Slightly different scenario but I think until faced with not being here- you don't know what you might say. The reality is she'll probably meet someone.

I'm sure I have read that people who were happily married are more likely to remarry if they're widowed. Something to think about?

I won't be here to care, but we've agreed that our wills will always ensure our DC inherit anything that's left when we're both gone. I don't think I'd be arsed marrying again.

I will be f*cked if I ever wash another man's socks. No thanks.

I'd have a BF outside the home.

I wouldn't want DH to move someone in to our children's home.

I have a very dim view of step-parents so I would hate for my kids to have one.

I think everyone should seek legal advice on this as soon as they have kids. Protect their inheritance should you die and spouse remarry. As you can’t truly ever stop them remarrying (nor would I want to)

Considering I would probably be a pile of ashes on the mantle piece at that point I'm not sure it would bother me...

That is like saying you have a dim view of humans. There are nice ones and not nice ones, just like everything. Though I do agree on not moving people into the children’s house unless you are 10000% sure they are nice and a suitable time has passed of you vetting them.

I married my second husband 22 years ago. He was a widower. He was widowed at 38 . We are very happy. He has had 2 very happy marriages. The first only lasted 18 months because of cancer. I hope we get to grow very old together. If we don't then I hope he would move on and find happiness again. He wishes the same for me.

Each to their own. Two of my aunts died quite young (under 55) and 20 years on one uncle has never had another partner and the other uncle had a partner about a year later. I don’t judge either of them and I have no idea how things would work out if we were in the situation.

If one of goes before we are elderly then of course the other can remarry or at least seek love

I was widowed young, DH told me I had to move on and be happy. He knew he had a shorter life expectancy.
Met now DH 15 months later with a view to it just being casual, 7 years on we're coming up to our first wedding anniversary, and my first MIL gave me away at our wedding.

It may say something about our marriage, but DH and I have both stated multiple times that in the event one of us dies the other has no intention whatsoever to get remarried. For my part I will enjoy life but I don't feel the need to have another husband.

I wouldn't want to inflict years of loneliness onto my husband after my death. That doesn't sound like love to me.

If practical considerations are a motivator, there are steps you can take. But holding someone to such a promise seems very cruel in my opinion.

Single but I wouldnt have a problem if I passed and partner moved on, why would I?

That said I used to be friends with a woman who was like this, she said that if her husband married again it would be the same as him cheating on her. He made a joke once about marrying a rich widow if she went first and she went INSANE. Screaming and shouting about him being disloyal, obviously not loving her, cheating etc

But she was fucking crazy in other ways too.....

Like PP, I'd have no problem with DH remarrying, provided our joint children inherited our joint wealth.

Same. He can shack up with whoever he likes but he can't marry them, especially if they've got kids of their own.
Could fuck up my kids' inheritance big time, I've seen it happen.
Yes, i know it could be protected legally via ironclad wills but at the end of the day, a marriage invalidates a previous will and a determined new partner could exert influence. Better to stay happily unmarried.

Funnily enough I asked my husband about this recently, and he said he would never marry again. I was touched, and asked if it was because he loves me so much. He said, “I already had a wedding, I’m not bothering with another one.”

I've told DH he can't move a new person into DDs home and he's said the same to me, but neither of us would anyway.

I didn't want to get married before I met him, I can't imagine I'll particularly want anyone else in my space that much if he was gone.

In that scenario, I'd be happy with one of those part time relationships there's a thread going on a out at the moment, where the OP thinks her friend needs higher standards cos they meet every so often for sex and sometimes go away.