‘You’re NOT allowed to get married again’.

[whataboot]

Somewhat lighthearted but when chatting to a friend a few months ago, she told me that if she was to die first she’d banned her husband from ever marrying again. At first I thought she was joking but no, she was dead (pardon the pun) serious. It turns out that when her mum died, she’d also told her dad that she couldn’t bear the thought of him marrying again either.

As far as I’m concerned, when I’m gone, I’m gone. Obviously I’d expect DH to have a suitably dignified mourning period and no shacking up with an immediate replacement but after that, well, I don’t think I have the right to deny anyone else happiness or a new relationship if that’s what they want.

But what about you? Have you had that conversation? Would you be bothered in this scenario? Or have you ‘banned’ your OH from ever seeking love post your demise?

I think it's fine to meet someone else but there does need to be a respectful amount of time & a 'take it slow approach' especially if children are involved. My FIL moved on very quickly (weeks 😫) & although I understand why (he could not cope on his own) it was very, very painful for his children & their poor mum was never spoke of again. Until you live it or see it you cannot begin to imagine the hurt it caused 💔

Also make a Will that protects your children's inheritance please 🙏 my half of the house will go to our son but my partner can live there until he dies or chooses to sell.

I want DH to be happy and have a relationship but I want my DC inheritance protected.

My dad married again after my Mum died (I was 8). I was subjected to years of emotional and physical abuse by my Step Mother and my Father did SFA about it.
Put me off step parents!!!
I wouldn’t marry again if my DH died as I’ve got the emotional scars from a re-marriage and would hate my DD to go through life with a step parent.
My DH grew up with step parents too and hated it.
Having a partner is one thing, but moving them into the family home is a completely different ball game.

That can’t be guaranteed unfortunately 😥

For financial reasons and to protect the children I would also be against either of us remarrying should one of us die.
I have had first hand experience of grandparents and great grandparents 2nd marriages resulting in money being left to the family of the step parent when the natural parent dies first in 2nd marriage.

So yes my DH can date, but absolutely not re marry or leave any property or family money to anyone other than our children. I'm happy to play by the same rule!

I'm old enough to know I won't remarry ever.

Of course I'd want him go meet someone. I have given this a lot of thought as shortly after DC was born I had a nasty battle with cancer. I did win the fight but it was horrendous thinking of them two of them alone and knowing my DC would have no memory of me.

I would absolutely want him to meet someone but that someone would have to love my DC. That's my one condition.

I don’t mind about them moving on but not marriage. I think this complicates finances more. I would not want to share my wealth with next wife and her kids.

If your friend did die first and her widower did meet someone and remarried, it’s unlikely that she’d know.
I just think it’s a weird thing to say..

My husband is absolutely lovely, I’d want him to do whatever makes him happy.

Unless more children are planned for the new relationship I genuinely don't understand the point of remarrying anyway.

After my DM died my DF did have a second relationship with a lovely lady who made his final years so much happier than they would have otherwise been. They lived together but kept finances separate to each leave their assets to their own children without muddying the waters. DH and I have both agreed we'd be fine with each other doing similar.

I would prefer he didn't remarry again to protect my children's inheritance. I understand what people are saying about being to to protect the kids inheritance but I would like him to have use of the money in the meantime and be able to sell up and relocate closer to family if he wanted too.

Nah, would not be happy to be honest. My Mum and Dad have been married 50 odd years, I couldn’t deal with it if one them remarried either.

I’d never remarry again ever!

Why would I even consider it?

In our belief system you're still married after you're dead, so no, we cannot remarry if we are widowed. If he dies, he's still my husband regardless of if he dies when he's 50 or 70 or next week. ah well he can just shag around then.
Seriously though nobody can be having these conversations seriously since once you’re dead there is literally nothing you can do about it.

Personally even if I became single I couldn’t be arsed to go out and find another man, but you can never say never.

My SIL died 7 years ago and her DH remarried two years later. My ILs have welcomed her into the family with open arms, her ILs however have cut her off completely, even the kids.

But making stipulations on how someone lives after you die is incredibly controlling and emotionally manipulative, and if my husband was genuinely that serious about how I was to live my life after he died I might be re-thinking the relationship during life never mind after.

What an idiotic idea.
I'd go "yes yes, of course my dear" and when he kicks the bucket do as I please.

If she wants to protect her kids inheritance, they need to consult a financial advisor on how to go about that. That's not a bad idea anyway if they have assets.

I’d want DH to consider the kids first of all. One of them would absolutely hate having a stepmum so on that basis I would prefer DH to wait till they are grown and moved out. No issues with him seeing someone, just not moving in, till later.

I'd want him to be happy, but I'd be concerned about my children's inheritance. They are young adults now, but I've worked my butt off for nearly 40 years and I want to make sure they benefit as far as possible.

You can have as many conversations as you want. It's not as if you're going to haunt or be haunted.

I wouldn't live with someone again though. Much better to have your own space I think.

Even talking of protecting the kids’ inheritance though is ridiculous.

If you die tomorrow then he could live for another 30/40 years surely? In which case there almost certainly won’t be an inheritance if he e.g. moves into a care home or similar.

People need to just accept that when they die they’re gone. What happens after that is not within their control.

DH and I have both said that we wouldn’t re-marry.

I’ve read too many threads on here where children from first marriages are cut out of inheritances when their father remarries and dies before his second wife.

I know not the point but you can set up family trusts, and make sure that can’t happen.

My grandfather chose to never remarry or date anyone after my gran died very young. It was sweet of him but I always felt very sorry for him and I wouldn’t want that for my own husband