‘You’re NOT allowed to get married again’.

[whataboot]

Somewhat lighthearted but when chatting to a friend a few months ago, she told me that if she was to die first she’d banned her husband from ever marrying again. At first I thought she was joking but no, she was dead (pardon the pun) serious. It turns out that when her mum died, she’d also told her dad that she couldn’t bear the thought of him marrying again either.

As far as I’m concerned, when I’m gone, I’m gone. Obviously I’d expect DH to have a suitably dignified mourning period and no shacking up with an immediate replacement but after that, well, I don’t think I have the right to deny anyone else happiness or a new relationship if that’s what they want.

But what about you? Have you had that conversation? Would you be bothered in this scenario? Or have you ‘banned’ your OH from ever seeking love post your demise?

I remember watching a film in the 80’s/90’s. About a mum who knew she had terminal cancer. She looked for a new wife for her husband to be a mother to her children. Her husband even slept with the new woman with her blessing before her death. wa really sad

Yes, it seems to have disappeared. I’m not sure why 😗.

Reminds me of the couple having a heart to heart on their anniversary. If I died, would you ever marry again? asks the husband.

Well, I do love being married, says the wife. And I'd be so lonely without you. So I think maybe I would.

Would you let him move into this house? Says the DH.

Well I love this house, it's everything to me. So why not? Says DW.

And my car? Says DH. Would you let him drive that?

Well... I mean it's fully paid off and it would be a shame to get rid of it says the DW. So yes I suppose so.

What about my golf clubs? Would you let him use those?

Oh no, she says. He's left handed!

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Exactly, and I still can't see what benefit marriage would bring over cohabitation in a later relationship. Why complicate things? I wouldn't have dreamed of having kids with my DH without being married but in a later relationship without kids it would not bring me any benefit but would carry risks so why do it?

Nah we're very happy, but neither of us thinks we would want to marry again. More for DD than anything else but mostly cos we both find other people in our space hard work, and found that the exception to that rule was each other.

Not moving another person into my space.

Life is for the living, I feel.
Can't imagine inviting anyone else into my life while the kids are growing up though.

Had this conversation recently and I'd want dh to find love again, but I'd still want him scattered with me when his time comes. She can of course join us if she wants to, but I don't want my ashes to be on their own for all time . Odd conversation

My MIL lost her husband when she was in her 50’s, quite a few years later she got a male companion, my BIL’s already knew him and my husband sort of knew him, he was so different from her late husband, but the whole family welcomed him, he unfortunately passed away and MIL hasn’t been the same since as she lost her best friend & companion

I've always said that I hoped he'd meet someone. But I did ban him from getting back with a couple of monstrous, manipulative exes as I thought they'd be horrible stepmums to DC.

DH is autistic and can be very naive when it comes to personal relationships. He stayed friends with his exes but they were real users.

New relationship - fine.
Give my money to the new wife instead of the kids - not fine.
But we’re both in agreement on that. Everything we have will go to our children.

In truth, I don’t think I’d bother trying to meet someone. I’d be perfectly happy with animals for company.

I don't think it matters what you agree. FIL, married for 50 years was on with MIL's best friend within months & remarried very quickly. He's changed his will, too. So MIL's instructions

Seeing it unfold & MIL never even mentioned made me realise DH, despite protestations, would remarry quickly for company & child care, and what you plan for doesn't matter. I've made DH promise, and will be altering our wills legally, that a set amount of insurance money is to go into trust for D C immediately as they likely won't get any inheritance from him (he's too lazy to deal with for himself).

I would never live with a man again as here, that can carry the same rights as marriage after a time.

if my OH died before me, I wouldn’t get married again, nor have another relationship to be quite honest.

For my OH, as long as they’re happy, I’m ok with that.

I think it's wrong to give the same rights to cohabiting couple as it removes choice. Want/need those rights? Get married. Don't want them? Don't. It's really sad that people who want to keep their assets separate are denied the opportunity to live together.

ETA civil partnership equally an option

Of course, I’ll be dead and have zero control, but how I feel right now about him remarrying? I want him to be happy and loved, always. The idea of this happening without a “reasonable amount” of grief, makes me feel instantly replaceable. I know my husband and he wouldn’t want to live alone, and I don’t blame him. Personally I could and probably would live alone happily, he’s a different kind of personality.
Even though I’d be dead, I still would hate him to find anyone else too quickly. Apart from anything else, I know that would hurt my sister, and my mum immensely.
However, how long is “too” quickly? I joke with him that I need two years from him after I die. That’s probably extreme, but less than a year, I know would hurt my birth family and my female friends and I feel make a mockery of what I feel we have shared for the last 30 years.

No, I wouldn’t want DH to remarry and I wouldn’t either. He can feel free to have a girlfriend but (obviously divorce is different) I think you should only have one wife or husband. I don’t understand why people would get remarried. I also wouldn’t want a blended family or step siblings for my DD.

I would not mention this topic to dh. It is not worth discussing because it is not in my gift to stop him from moving on.

But I will ensure that the children get a decent share in my will so that it passes to them directly and not left to dh for him to divert away to his new partner/family.

My loyalty lies with the dcs, not with dh (who will get enough to live on in my will, of course). Sounds harsh but my eyes are wide open on this topic.

I’ve (probably selfishly) told my husband I wouldn’t want him to find someone else after I’d gone, but also that I’d never want anyone else if something were to happen to him. He’s all I ever want, the love of my life and I know I’d never find anyone else like him.

I guess I’m in the minority in feeling this way but hey-ho!

Our kids are all grown up, and we have wills that protect their inheritance should one or other of us remarry in the event of the other dying. I wouldn't care if DH married again after I die if he wants to, I think he is better off being with someone than without. Although he says he wouldn't want to.

@3ormorecharactersshe also dragged the newlyweds to the mausoleum at Frogmore to get Albert’s blessing.

This as I wouldn’t either

it isn’t about a new relationship or moving on in that sense but our house has it mortgage paid off from a cumulation of hardwork from both of us, money from my parents and inheritance from DH side that I want to go to our children

marriage is a set of contracts that for me work very well if you are starting a life together but not so much when children from other relationships are involved

Tbh I don’t really care coz I’ll be dead, as long as he’s still a good father that’s all I care about. He can shack up with who he wants, they too have to be good with dc else I’ll be haunting the fuck out the pair of them 😅

I would be happy if my DH met someone nice after I'd died. I wouldn't want him to be alone or lonely. But I have told him that if his new lady isn't kind to my children I will come back and haunt him! 🤣

I tell DH that he can find someone new if I die, but I might come and haunt them both just to make sure they don’t forget about me.

I asked my husband if he'd remarry if I died, and he looked a bit wistful and said he "might do". He then asked me the same and I said "no". He then stated that he didn't blame me because "no-one could top this" pointing to himself!
He did die. And no, it won't happen again for me. He was my happy-ever-after.

I wouldn't ever tell anyone in my life they 'couldn't' remarry, because it's not my choice. I'm certain my parents would want the other to be happy again (after a decent period of mourning), but I can't deny that I believe I'd find it difficult to see either of them remarried. I'd support them, but it would hurt for a while.

I feel the same way about DH. I'd understand if he wanted companionship after I was gone, but thinking about it now while I'm still alive and kicking just makes me angry and hurt. It's not something we discuss. I imagine he feels the same way, with maybe less of the knee-jerk 'angry and hurt' reaction, because he's probably more mature than I am. I don't think I'd want to remarry, myself. You never know what might happen, but the idea of dating and marrying again isn't appealing.