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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Partner just thinking he can bring his son to live with me

955 replies

Feelinglost10 · 02/06/2025 17:54

this is a long one but I just feel really emotional now and don’t know what to do. Basically my partner is originally from a few hours away but has moved to my area and had his own place which he has recently lost. His 6yr old autistic son came to visit him 2 weeks ago and my partner has now decided he isn’t sending him home as he doesn’t want to go back, no conversation with me if I’m ok him staying with me or nothing. I only got my new home a month ago and already my brand new couch is covered in marks and disgusting because of his son, my house is a mess, my dog is over stimulated constantly, the noise is unbearable, he’s meant to be in school but clearly cos he’s up here he isn’t so he’s here 247 I don’t get a minute. It’s all too much. I don’t mind my partner staying with me until he sorts himself out but how do I tell him I am NOT ready to be the full time co parent of a 6yr old autistic child and it’s really overwhelming me to the point I’m sitting in my bedroom crying. It’s too much. His son thinks he’s rules the roost, eats all my things, hides stuff, leaves mess everywhere, doesn’t have any respect for my home. This was meant to be my new start, my safe space, and now I just feel it’s been invaded and I don’t know what to do. I tried to bring it up today and got screamed at clearly i mustn’t love his son or want a family life etc. I never asked or signed up for this tho?! Am I being a selfish idiot or?

OP posts:

Jammiesdodger · 02/06/2025 17:55

How did he lose his place?

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 02/06/2025 17:56

Absolutely fuck that.

CharlotteRumpling · 02/06/2025 17:56

My god chuck him out.

IsitaHatOrACat · 02/06/2025 17:57

You are not being selfish. You have been railroaded into this situation without your consent. How dare he scream at you about anything. Both he and his son need to leave asap

Nanny0gg · 02/06/2025 17:57

Break up with him

Problem solved

Bunny44 · 02/06/2025 17:58

I would just ask him to move out and say this situation isn't working for you. If you're in a relationship with someone and they're a parent you can't expect that to just ditch their child but clearly it's not for you and that's not unreasonable either. Your DP doesn't sound very respectful in that he hasn't discussed it with you and doesn't take into consideration your needs. If he needs to live with his child then he needs to find somewhere for them both to live in.

Daisymay2 · 02/06/2025 17:58

Absolutely. Tell him to leave with his child. He can go to a hotel tonight.

DonnaSueWeloveyou · 02/06/2025 17:58

Tell him to leave and take his son with him.

They sound like a nightmare and you really don’t have to put up with it.

Mrsbloggz · 02/06/2025 17:58

You are NOT selfish OP, your partner sounds abusive, unstable and very selfish.
How do you see your options here?
What would be the best way to get back to living in peace on your own?

legoplaybook · 02/06/2025 17:58

Tell your boyfriend that it isn't working and he needs to move out by the weekend.

Lengokengo · 02/06/2025 17:58

This sounds awful. Also planned. This relationship is over. Tell him to leave.

you do not have to put up with this.

Strawberriesforever · 02/06/2025 17:59

Just dump him OP.
It’s sad that a relationship with a man you really liked has to end, but he can’t send his son away and you can’t live happily with his child.
It’s ok. This child is not your responsibility unless you choose to make him your responsibility. You didn’t plan on his father and him moving in and it isn’t working for you. Your partner should not be yelling at you but he’s right that you don’t want a family life with him and his son. He’s wrong to expect you to!

TheBig50 · 02/06/2025 17:59

Good grief. End this, enjoy your new home and work on your self esteem.

Sooner rather than later.

nomas · 02/06/2025 17:59

Oh hell no!

OP, tell your partner he and his son need to move out asap.

So far only your sofa is ruined by soon they will ruin everything.

What is your partner doing about the sofa? I’m guessing nothing!

Please tell him to be gone asap!

AudiobookListener · 02/06/2025 17:59

Tell him to take his kid home to the mother today and to move out himself at the weekend. Never see him again.

You can't trust him. What else might he do without bothering to ask you?

ObtuseMoose · 02/06/2025 17:59

How did you foresee this playing out in future? Did you think his son wouldn't be part of your lives?

Profpudding · 02/06/2025 17:59

He needs to leave now immediately
He can present to the council as homeless and if he’s got a six-year-old autistic child he stands a very good chance of being found. Decent accommodation. Don’t fall for any sub stories.
I’ve seen with my own eyes Nice two bedroom flats in Birmingham that people have been put in within an emergency. Admittedly, they might not get to stay there. I don’t know how the story ended.
But they were absolutely fine initially

pimplebum · 02/06/2025 18:00

How dare he move his son in with you ! How did the conversation go when he asked if he could stay longer ?

how did the conversation go when you pointed out all the mess ? what was his suggestion for the dog ?
why has the boys mum agreed to this ?

both need to go

PicaK · 02/06/2025 18:00

Yanbu - because you don't have to be in a relationship you don't want to be in

But you don't get a relationship with this guy without his son. Even though this not sending him back is extremely worrying

Acc0untant · 02/06/2025 18:00

Tell him to leave. It's your house.

Equally this doesn't sound like the right relationship for you. When you're with someone who already has kids there is always the possibility that your partner, as a parent, will need or want to be the one to house their child/children. If living with your partner at any point in the future is important to you but you don't want to potentially live with his child then just end the relationship.

ColinCaterpillarsNo1Fan · 02/06/2025 18:00

Bin this relationship and avoid men with children; you're not cut out to be a step mother. Your partner is a cheeky fucker and a user.

pimplebum · 02/06/2025 18:02

Is being screamed at normal for you ?

LoremIpsumCici · 02/06/2025 18:02

I agree, he needs to leave with the child. You never agreed to it and even if you had, you have a right to change your mind and ask him to leave and take his son with him. If he screams at you again, call 999 and ask the police to remove him.

Original poster

Feelinglost10 · 02/06/2025 18:02

ObtuseMoose · 02/06/2025 17:59

How did you foresee this playing out in future? Did you think his son wouldn't be part of your lives?

It’s not about him not being a part of our lives. There’s a huge difference his son visiting to his son living here, no school, 247 in my house and messing it all up. As I say this is my brand new home I worked hard for. He hasn’t put a single penny into it and I was letting him stay here until he sorted a new place out, which he was supposed to be doing but it’s fell through and now he’s nowhere to go n decided his son isn’t going back home.. to where his school is and everythin else! I feel completely stuck and trapped and depressed and can’t live like this. I feel really bad but what am I meant to do. I never even had his son stay over at my house before now, and suddenly iv been forced into a situation I never wanted or asked for. It’s too overwhelming

OP posts:

ohyesido · 02/06/2025 18:02

He screamed at you?

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