Partner just thinking he can bring his son to live with me

[Feelinglost10]

this is a long one but I just feel really emotional now and don’t know what to do. Basically my partner is originally from a few hours away but has moved to my area and had his own place which he has recently lost. His 6yr old autistic son came to visit him 2 weeks ago and my partner has now decided he isn’t sending him home as he doesn’t want to go back, no conversation with me if I’m ok him staying with me or nothing. I only got my new home a month ago and already my brand new couch is covered in marks and disgusting because of his son, my house is a mess, my dog is over stimulated constantly, the noise is unbearable, he’s meant to be in school but clearly cos he’s up here he isn’t so he’s here 247 I don’t get a minute. It’s all too much. I don’t mind my partner staying with me until he sorts himself out but how do I tell him I am NOT ready to be the full time co parent of a 6yr old autistic child and it’s really overwhelming me to the point I’m sitting in my bedroom crying. It’s too much. His son thinks he’s rules the roost, eats all my things, hides stuff, leaves mess everywhere, doesn’t have any respect for my home. This was meant to be my new start, my safe space, and now I just feel it’s been invaded and I don’t know what to do. I tried to bring it up today and got screamed at clearly i mustn’t love his son or want a family life etc. I never asked or signed up for this tho?! Am I being a selfish idiot or?

How long have you been together op? I wouldn’t have put up with this for even 1 hour! What a user he is and he’s massively taking the piss. It’s so cheeky & awful to have just moved his son in! Plus, what you said about stressing the dog out is completely valid and you said it nicer than I would’ve done.

I would expect more of ‘the place he had has fallen through’ and other excuses. He’s not going to be in a rush to move from the cheap, ready made home.

Run, OP. This man has moved himself and his kid in by stealth, he has no intention of going anywhere. I would also love to know how he lost his last place, or did he give it up and feed you a sob story so he got to live rent free? Tell him to go, where is not your responsibility. He has no respect for you and just wants what you have worked hard for. I know you say you love him but this man is starting to show his true colours. Get rid.

where is the boy's mum in all this - getting a court case ready to force the return of her son? @Feelinglost10

OP, you're being used and abused for your kindness. And it needs to stop.

If you can't face confrontation, then you need a family member or a friend to be with you while you tell him to leave. And set a date/time - and stick to it. He has no right to be doing this to you. Stand up for your poor darling dog if nothing else.

In his own house with his own parents presumably?

OP kick him out, today preferably. Surely you can see this relationship doesn't have legs? He can take his son and stay in a hotel. I expect he'll take him back to his mum PDQ when you no longer offer a free place to live.

Has he stormed off and left his (autistic) son with a woman he doesn't know well in a place he doesn't know AT ALL?? I mean, what is this guy even thinking? Does he not consider what the boy's mum must be thinking? I think, if you don't get them both out soon, OP, you're going to get a knock on the door from the police anyway.

You should demand your partner leave with his child to be honest, the way he has gone about this is disgusting, BUT seriously dating/living someone with a child there is ALWAYS the possibility that child will be a permanent part of that package, you can't just demand to be a part time step parent when it suits you.

But more importantly, sort your dog out!! Get a baby gate and put it up! Letting him run here there and everywhere while he is awaiting an operation and he is in pain is just cruel.

Don't blame the child for your dog running about when you should be containing him anyway because of his injury, if you are ALLOWING a child to live with you, which you are, then they should be free to come and go.

Change the locks if he has a key, as you know he'll be making himself (and son) at home when you have to leave for work.

You need to tell him that they both need to move out. He can't just move his son into your home with no prior discussion.

What does the boy's mum think about this? Surely she won't be happy?

Because you haven't said "no" or interjected, as your next comment shows. Sorry to be blunt. If you are needing permission or confidence to assert boundaries, hopefully this thread gives it to you.

Tell him he cannot stay with you and needs to move into a hotel or b&b while he sorts himself out.

I bet you anything he had no intention of finding a new place and was just planning on staying with you indefinitely.

Be blunt.

@Feelinglost10 why are you ignoring all of the posts telling you to tell him to leave. It’s very simple…you sit him down and say you need to leave, now. End the relationship. It’s not serving you in any way!!

I don't think this is the right man for you, he is selfish and inconsiderate of you.He's moved in and taken over. You should NOT be crying in your room, in your own home that YOU pay for and your poor dog should not be being scared to death like that, he should come first, it's his home as well.
If you don't kick them both out now, then this is your life for the next however many years and that's a ruddy miserable outlook. Please put yourself first, I'd rather live alone forever than put up with all that.

You are not listening to us @Feelinglost10
This is a deliberate ambush on his part, he's not a good man or a good partner, if he was he wouldnt treat you like this.

You need to tell him the relationship has run its course and he needs to move out.
Not your problem where they go. They can find an air bnb.
Do you have any friends/family to support you when you tell them to leave?
Once they've gone get the locks changed.

Yep, this is pretty much what I was going to say. He needs to move out.

In the morning, You need to tell the father that you didn’t agree to either of them moving in with you and they need to leave immediately.
if you’re scared to tell them this, please contact a friend or women’s aid or the police for some support in getting them to leave

Your partner is irresponsible and disrespectful. He needs to move out. And as you've now seen what he's like and the stress he brings to his life, I think best to break up with him and enjoy your new start!

This is like red flag bingo

• lost his home (conveniently quickly)
• moved away from his child
• took his child and removed his child from school
• parents poorly

You're in this situation because you haven't said no and have a bad man.

Tell a friend for safety and then dump him somewhere in public because he seems like the sort to intimidate with violence.

His son has a home and I suspect your boyfriend made himself homeless in the first place.

He gas time to phone a friend or go to rhe council. Its not your problem.

Its that simple. The rest is feelings and/or codependency.

Does the mum not want her son back?

Hes a homeless, shit dad who screams when he doesn’t get his own way. Ask him to leave, he sounds like a dick.

This is exactly what’s upsetting me cos I don’t want my boyfriend feeling this way but at the same time as horrible as it sounds how is he keeping his son when he’s essentially homeless?! I never once agreed to it. Me and my partner aren’t exactly in the best place in our relationship as it is right now and to suddenly have this thrown on me isn’t ok. He didn’t even live here himself he was just staying here until his new place was sorted which fell through yesterday so now I have no idea what to do. How do I kick out a man with nowhere to go??? But the reality is he has to accept he is homeless right now so how the hell is he keeping his son, he can’t just expect me to take on the responsibility. He isn’t going to see it like this though I know he isn’t but as I say it’s happened literally over night and zero conversation about it just literally decided he isn’t going back to his mum n that’s that

Did the mother agree to the son living with his father?

@Feelinglost10 please just bag his stuff while you have the chance now as PP say and get your hard earned peace back! He’s shown you who he is by disrespecting you with his screaming and tantrums let alone moving in his child without permission. Regardless of whether you still love him or not, do this for your own and your dogs sake! Ps I also believe there never was a place to begin with. He doesn’t work either. He’s a scheming little cocklodger after free childcare to boot. Please don’t let this man guilt trip you as that’s what’s he’s banking on for his nasty plan to work!

OP, you have two choices.

You allow this cheeky fxxker use you and your home and let it drag on until you lose yourself and your mind.

Or you take the bull by the horns and tell him to pack his bags and leave.

Can you seriously imagine ANY woman doing this?

Of course not.
Only entitled user men do this.

Think every woman owes them whatever they need.

Save yourself a lot of heartache and grief and get this man out.

Him and his child are not owed a home by you.

Don't be used.
He hasn't an ounce of respect for you.
How could he?

Who does this?

Only entitled cheeky fxxkers who think they are with someone gullible and stupid.

Get him out.
Don't be used.

U would think so wudnt u?! Or at least be concerned why he’s not in school!!