Partner just thinking he can bring his son to live with me

[Feelinglost10]

this is a long one but I just feel really emotional now and don’t know what to do. Basically my partner is originally from a few hours away but has moved to my area and had his own place which he has recently lost. His 6yr old autistic son came to visit him 2 weeks ago and my partner has now decided he isn’t sending him home as he doesn’t want to go back, no conversation with me if I’m ok him staying with me or nothing. I only got my new home a month ago and already my brand new couch is covered in marks and disgusting because of his son, my house is a mess, my dog is over stimulated constantly, the noise is unbearable, he’s meant to be in school but clearly cos he’s up here he isn’t so he’s here 247 I don’t get a minute. It’s all too much. I don’t mind my partner staying with me until he sorts himself out but how do I tell him I am NOT ready to be the full time co parent of a 6yr old autistic child and it’s really overwhelming me to the point I’m sitting in my bedroom crying. It’s too much. His son thinks he’s rules the roost, eats all my things, hides stuff, leaves mess everywhere, doesn’t have any respect for my home. This was meant to be my new start, my safe space, and now I just feel it’s been invaded and I don’t know what to do. I tried to bring it up today and got screamed at clearly i mustn’t love his son or want a family life etc. I never asked or signed up for this tho?! Am I being a selfish idiot or?

i assume you knew he had a son when you met him, and you were aware he had a son when you got your new place. where did the son fit in to your future plans?

It doesn’t end. The son has no sense of heirachy cos of his autism and his dad’s lack of parenting. I don’t get a say. Can’t tell u how many sweets and biscuits he’s eaten in the last 24hrs and not even brushed his teeth. If I say anything though I’m getting onto them so I just keep my mouth shut now and sit in my bedroom at the minute

Don't let him back in, is there anyone there for you for support?

You have ended up here because you got involved with a man too lazy to work or look after his own son. He is with you so you will parent his son and support him.

Agree!!!

Op, is your cocklodger on the spectrum?

He needs to go NOW.

yes I did. And he also had his own place where his son would come and visit him at, his son had no reason to be at my place.

If he’s stormed out has he taken his child with him? Pack up their stuff now and tell him they need to find somewhere else to go.

I said YABU because you were being unreasonable not to have considered the possibility that a man with a son might end up having that son live with him. After all, he's just as much his parent as the mother.

YANBU not to want him living in your house, especially if he's not respecting your space.

You would be unreasonable to say that he can stay but the son needs to leave, but not to say that both of them need to go.

Do it!!!

You aren't a bad person for this and you are well within your rights to say that son can't live at your place any longer. I would say though, bear in mind that your boyfriend is probably feeling umpteen times more overwhelmed at suddenly having to full time parent a disabled child 24/7, than you are about just having the boy there. This doesn't in any way make you responsible for giving them shelter, but if your boyfriend's reaction is to be very hurt and spilt up with you, it wouldn't surprise me. Make sure you are ok with this outcome, before you do it.

Where's the child's mum?

What an absolute fuck of a man.

He’s very much in the wrong here. You are not, at all. Ignore the misplaced guilt you feel (he’s creating it on purpose) and chuck him out.

Is the boys mum upset?

Sorry - it's YOUR house but YOU are going to be sitting in your room hiding? What's wrong with you - kick them both out now! FFS.

Yabu. Stop being so bloody wet and passive and just tell him to leave!

As I keep saying I know he’s a father and being a step mother is no issue. My issue is the fact over night he just came and hasn’t left and seems to think because his place has fell through he can just stay here. He’s decided his son isn’t going back and he doesn’t have the means to keep him himself he’s just seeing it as oh well she has her own place so it’s fine. Like I didn’t sign up or agree to this or have any conversations about it, prior to this his son hadn’t even spent the night at my house!

Probably writing a post because her ex won't return her child.

Ask them to move out OP. Give them a week to sort it.

Cocklodger and new mommy for son all over this. Run for the hills.

Did he actually have a place to go that “fell through”? Or was that in fact bollocks and he was always planning to cock lodge and bring his son

either way you need to boot him out. I feel very sorry for his poor child but really you can’t have them there

Lock the front door, keep the key in the lock and chain if you can. Bag his stuff and leave it outside. Text and let him know all his stuff is bagged and outside! Do not let him back in!

Im sure you didn't sign up for being shouted at in your own home either 😔

Absolutely agree with PP saying don’t let them back in. Do whatever you need to do to lock the door from the inside. Pack up their stuff and leave it outside. Text him when it’s all locked out and tell him it’s over. Enjoy your peaceful home.

And can you get a friend over for support? Or family member?

Tell him no. Tomorrow they both leave. He can take his son back to his mothers and he can find somewhere else to stay.

if he doesn’t work how is ever going to get his own place? Is he keeping his son because he thinks he’ll get a council house quickly?

he has no incentive to sort himself out while living with you and he’s taking the piss