Partner just thinking he can bring his son to live with me

[Feelinglost10]

this is a long one but I just feel really emotional now and don’t know what to do. Basically my partner is originally from a few hours away but has moved to my area and had his own place which he has recently lost. His 6yr old autistic son came to visit him 2 weeks ago and my partner has now decided he isn’t sending him home as he doesn’t want to go back, no conversation with me if I’m ok him staying with me or nothing. I only got my new home a month ago and already my brand new couch is covered in marks and disgusting because of his son, my house is a mess, my dog is over stimulated constantly, the noise is unbearable, he’s meant to be in school but clearly cos he’s up here he isn’t so he’s here 247 I don’t get a minute. It’s all too much. I don’t mind my partner staying with me until he sorts himself out but how do I tell him I am NOT ready to be the full time co parent of a 6yr old autistic child and it’s really overwhelming me to the point I’m sitting in my bedroom crying. It’s too much. His son thinks he’s rules the roost, eats all my things, hides stuff, leaves mess everywhere, doesn’t have any respect for my home. This was meant to be my new start, my safe space, and now I just feel it’s been invaded and I don’t know what to do. I tried to bring it up today and got screamed at clearly i mustn’t love his son or want a family life etc. I never asked or signed up for this tho?! Am I being a selfish idiot or?

Why on earth would you love this man??

Honestly this gets worse and worse, boot him out tonight. Book him one night in a Travelodge if you have to.

If he's got nowhere for his son to stay he needs to return him to his mother!

Tell your partner to move out. He is using you big time. Hotels are available!!

Sounds like it was planned he just didn’t tell you the plans.
His plans were free accommodation, free housekeeper and free childcare.

You’ve worked hard for what you’ve got, don’t fall for someone who wants everything for nothing.

'I was letting him stay here until he sorted a new place out, which he was supposed to be doing but it’s fell through'

@Feelinglost10 he stitched you up mate
He said all that to get you to agree to him and his son moving in, he knows that once he's got his feet under the table it'll be hard for you to get rid of him.
Why will it be hard? Because he will turn the screws, make you feel guilty, threaten you etc.

@Feelinglost10 No wonder you are feeling lost!
You MUST tell him this isn't working and he needs to take his child back to the mother. NOW.
It is YOUR home!
If this is a deal breaker for him then break it because he can fuck right off with taking advantage of you.
It would be different IF
IF he had asked
IF you had agreed
IF the child was managed / parented properly
IF he respected your belongings
IF you and your dog were okay
BUT NONE OF THIS HAS HAPPENED
I am so sorry you are in this and so stressed.

@Feelinglost10
you dont love him, he has love bombed you because he wants to exploit you

He's unemployed and homeless? He needs to move out immediately!

The fact that this man has announced that his son is also moving in with you without discussion is disgraceful.

Yes tell him to leave. How rude of him to have no regard to your views. He must know his son’s behaviour is too much for you and has ruined your sofa. Not acceptable!

Where is the Mother in all of this??? He doesn't even work??? Sounds very stressful, poor you.

I hope you realise that there was zero intention of sorting out his own place.

His plan is to live with you and let you take care of him and his son.

Presumably now he can also claim benefits for having care of his son so he'll be in no rush to find a job either.

Just dump him. He has no respect for you by suddenly dragging you into his clearly messy situation.
I wonder if he wants to live with dad because dad allows this kind of behaviour while mum won’t. Either way, it’s ok not to play stepmum and next time pick a childless man.

This.

With all the kindness in the world, it doesn’t sound great for his son and it doesn’t sound good for you.

Omg he doesn’t even work! He is a cocklodger who will deplete your salary and savings.

Just tell him today to leave. He can go back to his parent/s.

You are not responsible for him.

All he sees is a nurse with a purse

and a nanny with a fanny.

Tonight tell him he's got one week to leave and re-iterate that you won't be discussing it any further. If he raises his voice, phone the police and they'll remove him.

After one week, change the locks so he can't enter the house. If he kicks off, phone the police.

I'm actually really angry on your behalf.

@Feelinglost10 get them both to leave.

his son can go home to his mum regardless of what he wants.

he doesn’t work, doesn’t parent, doesn’t look after his child or their education.

he’s taking you for a ride and probably only having the kid for extra benefits. Has he started talking about claiming pip for him yet…

why did he get kicked out of his home. How much notice had he had to sort something out?

How old are you both and how long have you been together? Has he ever worked whilst in a relationship with you?

hes using you sorry. and imagine the son says he’s not going home and dad just gives in??? Imagine what other demands the dad will give into??? where does it end? Nope they goes to goans make sure he’s telling you the truth about trying to find a place and not stringing you along!

Why does he not work? Sounds classic cocklodger material. Everything will keep falling through until you just give up and let him stay (son too). You need to throw them out now and end this relationship. Not your problem if he has nowhere to go. The jobless cocklodger aside, he doesn’t sound like a very supportive partner if he immediately shouts at you rather than having a rational conversation when you bring up your concerns about suddenly being bombarded with his son as well as him.
Bin this one.

So he doesn’t work, doesn’t have his own place - how was he going to fund his own place? Sounds like he’s been a cocklodger all along.

You need to be really blunt and ask them to leave. The 6 year old has a Mum I presume - what’s the situation there?

They both need to leave today.

So now he’s just stormed out because for the 4th time his son has just came in and my dog again has jumped up off the bed and ran down the stairs and I asked calmly “can you please ask him to either stay in or stay out cos when he’s coming in and out the dog is getting stressed and jumping up running down the stairs and his knee is already in a bad way he’s limping constantly in pain”. Again I got shouted at that he’s a kid and being a kid and my dogs leg is going to go anyway.

It’s like there is no compromise in MY house and I’m just living here like a fucking stranger. Surely to god I should be able to request he stops running in and out of MY house that IIIIIIIII pay for when he’s fucking up MYYYYYYYYYY dogs leg who does live here and literally sending me insane. I’m honestly about to crack up. I don’t even understand how I’m in this situation.

The child is a red herring !
The actual issue is that your partner has changed your life situation without so much as a conversation .This should have been a serious discussion in which he listened to and respected your views.
He is inconsiderate , thoughtless and does not value you. Get rid of him and start again ( again) in your home with your dog. Good luck.

His reaction to you bringing up that you aren't happy about a situation he has inflicted on you in your own home, that you generously allowed him to stay in, is probably worse than having his son there in the first place.

Screaming at you is out of order and he did it to shut you up so he can carry on with his shitty behaviour.

This won't get any better, now you'll be too worried to bring up any concerns because he will scream again. You really need to end things. He is showing zero consideration towards you.

I can literally sense how distressed you are through this post! It’s awful!
Take this fire and tell him right now that he has to leave. This is beyond CF territory

Oh OP, that sounds awful.

Clearly this man is using you, and isn’t considering the needs of his, your needs or the feelings of the boy’s poor mother.

You are feeling overwhelmed as clearly this situation is so entirely wrong on every level. This man is showing you who he is, he is a user, inconsiderate, a sponge.

You must tell him to leave. Tell him now whilst he can still find a hotel room for the night. Stand firm. Take back your key. Don’t be bullied into letting him stay. I imagine he will throw everything at trying to persuade you to keep him on, including making all kinds of false promises

He's stormed out? Good.

Lock the door now and bag up his belongings.

If he so much as bangs on the door or raises his voice, call the police.