Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

New GF taking the piss?

207 replies

Vaglodger · 01/06/2025 20:30

I’ve NC as I’ve recently posted a thread and it may be outing if the two are linked.

new relationship, 10 months in, nobody is happy for me. FWIW I’m in a WLW relationship and feel this has influenced my families opinions HOWEVER

I am starting to feel like an absolute doormat. GF likely has undiagnosed MH conditions suspected bipolar and/or autism. Her moods are uncontrollable and she’s extremely reactive. Not violent, but sulky, depressed, suicidal ideology, cold, stroppy, shouts huffs puffs etc.

she doesn’t work. I’m “well off” supposedly, and she comes from a tough background. I pay for everything. She says she can’t get on her feet and get a job as MH too much. I’m taking her on holiday in August. She lives in my home when DC are with ex. She’s on benefits so has to make that stretch. Doesn’t pay for any dates, outings, food shop etc. I can recall 4 times where she’s contributed to something.

she says I have a bad attitude (I don’t believe I do but it could be possible I suppose), thinks I lie about absolutely trivial things and when we talk it through admits she’s paranoid.

if she has a bad day, I can’t have one for a while otherwise we “don’t work” and it’s “too much”. Whereas my bad day just consists of me not being super enthusiastic and/or cooking 3 meals a day for her and I’ll opt for a takeout. Her bad day is everybody in her path gets some kind of attitude or criticism and she tells me she sees no point in life.

she won’t support me through anything difficult and says it’s not her circus not her monkeys, this can range from anything really. However alls I do is support her, offer job opportunities, therapy, take her out if she’s low, gifts etc.

She doesn’t do much around the house as far as cleaning. Or much for me in general unless ask for help. She’s said in the past I should ask instead of expecting her to know. I find it quite rude for me to be doing HER washing, cooking, ironing, putting away, breakfast in bed etc while she lies in bed until midday and then if I ask her to take the dog for a quick walk or help clean up it’s an issue and “she needs to relax”

reason for the thread is she’s fallen out with me today as she said having exdp in my life (as in, our children’s lives) is too much and she really dislikes him and won’t have him infringing on our relationship so it needs to change (we only communicate about dc or joint admin). I’m starting to think wtf do I get out of the relationship anyway?

I know this comes off as I don’t like her very much, but I do. She’s very funny, i don’t believe she’s a bad person, she’s incredibly good looking and sex is amazing.

obviously she’s not met dc.

people close to me keep saying wtf am I doing but I cant help but want to make it work. I really struggle with endings. In my heart I know what I should do but it seems impossible.

i just needed to vent I suppose, I feel completely disrespected, undervalued (she says she does but she’s not good with words) and taken for a fool

OP posts:
BurningMrs · 01/06/2025 20:33

Don’t be daft, of course this can’t continue. I’d put £100 on this person actively ruining your life.

Get out now while you can. You’ll look back and wish you did.

Depte · 01/06/2025 20:33

Your children have absolutely no contact with this person, ever?

WhyArePiratesCalledPiratessss · 01/06/2025 20:34

Let this one go.
She isn't the one.

Ahsheeit · 01/06/2025 20:34

Oh get shot of her. She's leeching off you and not bringing anything to the table. You can do so much better than this.

Depte · 01/06/2025 20:34

You pay for “everything”

money that could go towards your DC, saving for them. Not an unhinged girlfriend you have known for less than a year

Vaglodger · 01/06/2025 20:34

If history is anything to go off, I’ll now get the silent treatment for days and no apology just a “let’s forget about it”.

theres so much more to it - red flag wise - I KNOW its not good but I just can’t seem to get a grip of myself and I’m holding out hope for her potential, which could be great if she’d get a hold of herself

OP posts:
Springadorable · 01/06/2025 20:35

Why are you with her? How does she enhance your life?

Vaglodger · 01/06/2025 20:36

I do feel very used, I’m frustrated with myself for allowing this. And frustrated with her for doing it.

no my children don’t have contact and won’t. She would like children together which is just unfathomable to me

OP posts:
toomuchfaff · 01/06/2025 20:36

Walk away from this woman. 10 months in youre meant to be in the throes of amazing everything. Yet here you are.

What exactly is in it for you? How does this relationship make your life better?

It's not your responsibility 10 months in to solve her, fix her, make her better. Walk away now.

As soon as a new relationship starts making demands that impact your children for the negative, thats a line drawn.

Vaglodger · 01/06/2025 20:36

Springadorable · 01/06/2025 20:35

Why are you with her? How does she enhance your life?

humour, similar interests, company, great sex, quite intellectual so decent conversation. That’s it

OP posts:
Depte · 01/06/2025 20:37

*obviously she’s not met dc.*there is no “obviously” about it

I read your entire thread and thought “obviously the OP finished with this vile person as soon as these qualities emerged”

but no… I am wrong. You financially support her and she lives with you when your children with your ex (hopefully you’re being honest here)

ChocolateFairy25 · 01/06/2025 20:37

So basically the only reason you are with her is that she's very good looking and great in bed...

Fab basis for a relationship 🙄

Lifeofthepartay · 01/06/2025 20:37

You asked what do you get out of the relationship...literally the 3 things you mentioned as her "qualities" having a pretty and funny girl and amazing sex, but is it worth the aggravation? Is that enough to maintain a relationship past the first few months? Can you ever see yourself growing with her? Will you ever be able to introduce her to your kids? I think I you already know the answer to all of these questions, but most likely in denial, because, you know....the great sex with an attractive girl 🤷‍♀️

toomuchfaff · 01/06/2025 20:38

Vaglodger · 01/06/2025 20:34

If history is anything to go off, I’ll now get the silent treatment for days and no apology just a “let’s forget about it”.

theres so much more to it - red flag wise - I KNOW its not good but I just can’t seem to get a grip of myself and I’m holding out hope for her potential, which could be great if she’d get a hold of herself

You don't have to get the silent treatment.

Simply put "this isn't working for me, I'm unhappy, I no longer want to continue this relationship, I wish you all the best" - BLOCKED ON EVERYTHING.

walk away. No discussion, no argument

Depte · 01/06/2025 20:38

Vaglodger · 01/06/2025 20:34

If history is anything to go off, I’ll now get the silent treatment for days and no apology just a “let’s forget about it”.

theres so much more to it - red flag wise - I KNOW its not good but I just can’t seem to get a grip of myself and I’m holding out hope for her potential, which could be great if she’d get a hold of herself

Well parent up and “get a grip”

and think about what the money could be doing for your children rather than this person you barely know

JLou08 · 01/06/2025 20:38

The potential you see in others is what you would do in their situation. That's no inclination that she will actually change. Don't waste anymore time on her. If it's like this 10 months in then it will be so much worse further down the line. If you let this continue she will be living with you full time before you know it and draining the joy out of you and your DCs life and it will be so much harder for you to leave at that point.

BIossomtoes · 01/06/2025 20:38

Get rid.

Lmnop22 · 01/06/2025 20:39

This is the beginning of a controlling, abusive clusterfuck of a relationship.

Gather all your strength and get out now before she manipulates you into alienating the father of your children, destroying your coparenting relationship and being a slave to her for the rest of your life on a rollercoaster of stressful, pointless arguments until you’re so burnt out, sad and put upon you just lose yourself completely.

mumofoneAlonebutokay · 01/06/2025 20:40

Time to ltb girl, sorry x

Depte · 01/06/2025 20:40

How often are your children with your ex?

where does she go when she’s not leeching off you?

DaisyChain505 · 01/06/2025 20:41

There is more to life than someone who’s good in bed. Ditch her.

Whatifitallgoesright · 01/06/2025 20:41

She is an abuser. Finish with her. Does that make you feel anxious?

Vaglodger · 01/06/2025 20:41

toomuchfaff · 01/06/2025 20:38

You don't have to get the silent treatment.

Simply put "this isn't working for me, I'm unhappy, I no longer want to continue this relationship, I wish you all the best" - BLOCKED ON EVERYTHING.

walk away. No discussion, no argument

I know for sure this would turn into something I’d have to involve the police in and I can’t deal with it right now.

im feeling uber-aggrieved because I run multiple businesses, have a hectic life with dc and she can’t even be arsed to let me vent and listen. She shuts me down and says it’s too much for her.

last week she accidentally made a real mess at my house (think broken crockery) I laughed and joked you’d better clean that up, she was fuming and said she wasn’t cleaning it alone as it was an accident she wasn’t to know and I ought to help her. Then outright refused to help clean up until I helped.

OP posts:
Aimtodobetter · 01/06/2025 20:42

So you’re staying in a super toxic and messed up relationship which is detrimental to your own mental health for the sake of having sex with a good looking woman. I would end it in a heartbeat but your call of that trade is worth it. If this is one of your first relationships with a woman that could be why you are finding it harder than you should to end it? If so, you probably need to make piece with the fact that she was part of your sexual journey without her needing to be the end goal.

Bumblingbee101 · 01/06/2025 20:42

What positives does this person bring to your life @Vaglodger ? From your post there are so many negatives and red flags here. Your life hasn't been enhanced by this relationship it seems. It seems more of a caring relationship than a romantic one. I would seriously consider how to move on. Your relationship with your children needs to come first and if you have a good relationship with ex partner you want to keep it that way! Also imagine being with someone who makes you feel good, treats you well, listens to you, helps you and is good in bed. Would you stay then?! Good luck.