New GF taking the piss?

[Vaglodger]

I’ve NC as I’ve recently posted a thread and it may be outing if the two are linked.

new relationship, 10 months in, nobody is happy for me. FWIW I’m in a WLW relationship and feel this has influenced my families opinions HOWEVER

I am starting to feel like an absolute doormat. GF likely has undiagnosed MH conditions suspected bipolar and/or autism. Her moods are uncontrollable and she’s extremely reactive. Not violent, but sulky, depressed, suicidal ideology, cold, stroppy, shouts huffs puffs etc.

she doesn’t work. I’m “well off” supposedly, and she comes from a tough background. I pay for everything. She says she can’t get on her feet and get a job as MH too much. I’m taking her on holiday in August. She lives in my home when DC are with ex. She’s on benefits so has to make that stretch. Doesn’t pay for any dates, outings, food shop etc. I can recall 4 times where she’s contributed to something.

she says I have a bad attitude (I don’t believe I do but it could be possible I suppose), thinks I lie about absolutely trivial things and when we talk it through admits she’s paranoid.

if she has a bad day, I can’t have one for a while otherwise we “don’t work” and it’s “too much”. Whereas my bad day just consists of me not being super enthusiastic and/or cooking 3 meals a day for her and I’ll opt for a takeout. Her bad day is everybody in her path gets some kind of attitude or criticism and she tells me she sees no point in life.

she won’t support me through anything difficult and says it’s not her circus not her monkeys, this can range from anything really. However alls I do is support her, offer job opportunities, therapy, take her out if she’s low, gifts etc.

She doesn’t do much around the house as far as cleaning. Or much for me in general unless ask for help. She’s said in the past I should ask instead of expecting her to know. I find it quite rude for me to be doing HER washing, cooking, ironing, putting away, breakfast in bed etc while she lies in bed until midday and then if I ask her to take the dog for a quick walk or help clean up it’s an issue and “she needs to relax”

reason for the thread is she’s fallen out with me today as she said having exdp in my life (as in, our children’s lives) is too much and she really dislikes him and won’t have him infringing on our relationship so it needs to change (we only communicate about dc or joint admin). I’m starting to think wtf do I get out of the relationship anyway?

I know this comes off as I don’t like her very much, but I do. She’s very funny, i don’t believe she’s a bad person, she’s incredibly good looking and sex is amazing.

obviously she’s not met dc.

people close to me keep saying wtf am I doing but I cant help but want to make it work. I really struggle with endings. In my heart I know what I should do but it seems impossible.

i just needed to vent I suppose, I feel completely disrespected, undervalued (she says she does but she’s not good with words) and taken for a fool

This doesn’t sound worth it at all, even if the sex is so great.

You are worth more than this - ten months in, things shouldn’t be this difficult. She sounds controlling if you are fearful of police involvement when you break up with her. Can you work with your therapist to make a strategy for telling her you’re breaking up? And tell a close friend when you break up with her, maybe even make sure someone you trust is present, so you have some support in the event that it goes badly?

new relationship, 10 months in, nobody is happy for me.
I'm not surprised, why would anyone be happy over you dating the female equivalent of a cocklodger whose only good tthing about them is having a golden cock.

Get yourself a good vibrator, grow up sharpish, and ditch this woman.

I just don’t understand how you can love a person who is completely self absorbed, manipulative, perversely dramatic, entitled, selfish, greedy, idle, volatile, possibly violent, actively trying to estrange you (and your kids) from your kids’ dad, a drain on your own mental wellbeing and the female equivalent of a cocklodger.

In the rest of your life you seem to be a capable woman. Get your self respect back and kick this leech out of your life. Stop with the silly excuses and do it now.

Stop overthinking it and RUN!

I was with someone I made these excuses for. But honestly it’s not worth it.

And who cares what light she paints you in afterwards. Your true friends will see through it.

Oh my god she's literally telling you she's a sociopathic narcissist.

You're a boiled frog.

You obviously can't ever have her around your children (your choice if you want to put up with the behaviours yourself but you can't ever put your children in her firing line) so what future is there?
She isn't ever going 'to get a hold of herself', she doesn't want to change because she thinks she's fine and it's the rest of the world that's the problem

get rid fast they are fleecing you of money energy everything,it will distroy you get out now

Don't even think about that one or you're stuck with her.
Time to end it

She’s taking you for a ride, treating you like a mug and in the nicest possible way, get a grip.

This is a pathetic relationship.
You know you are not happy, life's too short for this crap - just grow a pair!

My DH is like that re silent treatment and lack of apology. Best I get is ‘I’m sorry we argued’.
I’ve been with him for 14 years and thinking how I can get out as we have a DC together.
Get out, you deserve so much better!!

This absolutely sums it up. You have to leave. Don’t waste any more time on her, she won’t change except, possibly, to get even worse.
So the sex is amazing. Ok, but the rest isn’t, so don’t be a fool.
Go as soon as you can. There is nothing to stay for!

You need to get rid of her.
If the police need calling then call them. Surely that tells you all you need to know that the only reason you're not chucking her is because you are worried about the cops?!

I’m going to admit something that is hard for me. I was like her, undiagnosed, didn’t feel I could work, put everything on my ex and I took the piss.

I’d have never walked away and he tried multiple times and I always clung on because I was happy to be dependant but him finally leaving and moving out was the kick I needed. I was forced to get my life together and do things on my own, provide for myself and survive alone.

I had to be forced to do that because I never would have done it myself as long as I had someone to fall back on emotionally and financially. I have since learned to manage my own MH and not depend on someone else like that again. I have also apologised to my ex for what I put on him but also thanked him for walking away because it was the making of me.

So what, OP? You have one life. That’s it. You’ve finally woken up to what she’s really like. Don’t put yourself through any more of it.

(And it’s not as if she’s going to get less into the relationship if you let it go on for even longer.)

@Vaglodger it sounds like you know you need to end the relationship, but are struggling to do so because you are terrified of her reaction. First things first, tell yourself that you've made the decision to end the relationship, and no matter what happens, it is over. Once you've got your head round that, the rest will be easier.

You've had loads of great advice on this thread, so I would start by ensuring you have cameras set up to record your home and car. I would call the Police and advise them that you'll be breaking up with your GF, but are concerned about her MH and possible reprisals. Follow whatever advice they give you, they are the experts. If you need more advice, call Womens Aid.

When it comes to the break up itself, it sounds like it would be safest (and easiest for you) to do this over the phone or text. I know it might sound like a cop out, but based on what you've told us about her, it seems sensible. I would keep it short and to the point, something along the lines of "This relationship is not working for me any more, I don't want to see you again. Please do not contact me." Then block her on everything. It may be worth locking down any SM, or even deleting/hiding your profile(s) for a while, just until the dust settles. If she does start to kick off after you break up with her, don't be afraid to contact the Police.

Whatever the fall out from the break up, it won't be anywhere near as bad or as damaging as staying with her would be. She sounds toxic, and the fact that you know you could never have her around your children speaks volumes.

You know what you need to do @Vaglodger, you can do this!

Sorry but move on you actually sound a really nice guy and your being a doormat. End it and take some time out for yourself for a while and learn to love life again

1- There are many humourous comedy specials on YouTube, Netflix etc.

2- You can find people with similar interests on Facebook (if you're brave enough)

3- Vibrators

4- Stephen Fry QI repeats are on Dave approximately 36 hours per day

I can’t imagine being sexually attracted to a 37 year old unemployed leech who lives with her granny, but each to their own I suppose.

Dump her. What's WLW by the way?

She’s a woman.

It means woman-loving-woman or something.