New GF taking the piss?

[Vaglodger]

I’ve NC as I’ve recently posted a thread and it may be outing if the two are linked.

new relationship, 10 months in, nobody is happy for me. FWIW I’m in a WLW relationship and feel this has influenced my families opinions HOWEVER

I am starting to feel like an absolute doormat. GF likely has undiagnosed MH conditions suspected bipolar and/or autism. Her moods are uncontrollable and she’s extremely reactive. Not violent, but sulky, depressed, suicidal ideology, cold, stroppy, shouts huffs puffs etc.

she doesn’t work. I’m “well off” supposedly, and she comes from a tough background. I pay for everything. She says she can’t get on her feet and get a job as MH too much. I’m taking her on holiday in August. She lives in my home when DC are with ex. She’s on benefits so has to make that stretch. Doesn’t pay for any dates, outings, food shop etc. I can recall 4 times where she’s contributed to something.

she says I have a bad attitude (I don’t believe I do but it could be possible I suppose), thinks I lie about absolutely trivial things and when we talk it through admits she’s paranoid.

if she has a bad day, I can’t have one for a while otherwise we “don’t work” and it’s “too much”. Whereas my bad day just consists of me not being super enthusiastic and/or cooking 3 meals a day for her and I’ll opt for a takeout. Her bad day is everybody in her path gets some kind of attitude or criticism and she tells me she sees no point in life.

she won’t support me through anything difficult and says it’s not her circus not her monkeys, this can range from anything really. However alls I do is support her, offer job opportunities, therapy, take her out if she’s low, gifts etc.

She doesn’t do much around the house as far as cleaning. Or much for me in general unless ask for help. She’s said in the past I should ask instead of expecting her to know. I find it quite rude for me to be doing HER washing, cooking, ironing, putting away, breakfast in bed etc while she lies in bed until midday and then if I ask her to take the dog for a quick walk or help clean up it’s an issue and “she needs to relax”

reason for the thread is she’s fallen out with me today as she said having exdp in my life (as in, our children’s lives) is too much and she really dislikes him and won’t have him infringing on our relationship so it needs to change (we only communicate about dc or joint admin). I’m starting to think wtf do I get out of the relationship anyway?

I know this comes off as I don’t like her very much, but I do. She’s very funny, i don’t believe she’s a bad person, she’s incredibly good looking and sex is amazing.

obviously she’s not met dc.

people close to me keep saying wtf am I doing but I cant help but want to make it work. I really struggle with endings. In my heart I know what I should do but it seems impossible.

i just needed to vent I suppose, I feel completely disrespected, undervalued (she says she does but she’s not good with words) and taken for a fool

I suppose that you're posting as you can't see a resolution to this. You don't seem compatible.

Who gives a fuck? Just get rid of her!

I cannot believe you're still talking about going on holiday with her in August before potentially ending things after that. What are you thinking?

End things now, and before you do, tell the police you are about to end a relationship and explain the person is highly volatile and you are scared of her reaction. Then ask them to put an alert on your address in case you need to call 999. Also get some discreet cameras on your windowsills, filming the front and rear of your property, one inside wouldn't hurt either.

When she's not in your house, take her out for a walk in the park etc. You calmly tell her that things are no longer working for you and you'd like to stay friends but no longer be in a relationship. See how that goes down. Don't let her back in your house, give her her belongings back.

This woman sounds dangerous. Get away from her ASAP.

Thank you, you do make a lot of sense.
im openly gay it’s more the psychotic way in which she can behave, my own guilt and upset, and a failed relationship that I had high hopes for that are deterring me from ending it.

shes 37 im 35

Your a grown assed woman op

“conspire against you” “paint a picture”

to who? Most adults are busy with family, work, life to give a damn about what unemployed dossers at their grandparents are going on

it’s all so…. Silly

I’m laughing as you couldn’t be more wrong. I won’t bother to engage now but maybe the person you’re actually talking about will be along to identify themselves shortly!

You know this is no good, just end it. No different to a heterosexual relationship, if it don't work get out. You are giving it too much leeway for some reason, a bit desperate for it to work maybe?

What are you getting out of this relationship? The only positive things that you have said is she’s funny, gorgeous and the sex is amazing. It must be really draining to be in a relationship like that where it is all on you?

Well to start with, tell your friends and family that you’re ending it and get some support from them. Change your locks and get a Ring camera.

It’s a bit cowardly but it’s probably safer to tell her over the phone when she’s at her grandparents. You don’t have to say anything other than the relationship isn’t working for you and it’s over for good. Block her number. Block her email. Lock down your social media so only genuine friends and family can see it.

This, basically. What is this nonsense?

If you won’t listen to friends and family, why are you asking advice online? You’re hardly going to take advice from faceless internet strangers?

Honestly, you have to face up to your actions here. There’s clearly something in this for you. You’re not a victim, you’re choosing to live like this.

It’s fine calling someone a vag- or cocklodger, ur they’re ultimately acting that way because someone is facilitating them in doing so.

She’s a nightmare, but there’s something in it for you. You’re not a victim, you’re a willing participant.

Good God. Even if she gave me multiple orgasms, I could not put up with this shit.
And nor should you.
Do not stick it out for the sake of a pre-booked holiday. Lock down your social media. Go on holiday on your own.
Script: This isn't working. We aren't happy or compatible. Let's just part now before it gets serious. I wish you all the best. And block.
It's not me, it's you

I think you may as well just lie down on the floor next to your front door. You are already behaving like a doormat. Your replies make it clear you're going to let this carry on.

I read your post about this person with an absolutely terrible character thinking “I bet they’re attractive. That’s the only explanation”. Lo and behold you are willing to overlook repulsive behaviour because you like having sex with this person.

Mildly understandable if you weren’t a parent; quite awful as a parent.

You will end up estranged from your children and family as a result of enjoying sex with this unpleasant human. Her presence in your life will be damaging to the wellbeing of your children. Your choice 🤷‍♀️

DARVO seems like the right technique to get rid of her. I make you so unhappy. I know you need to leave me for your own good. It’ll make me suicidal. I can’t live without you. Blah blah blah. She’ll run for the hills.

She sounds like she needs to be sectioned.

Get rid of her, get a friend to come round and end the relationship, ask her to leave, if she doesn't go quietly then you call the police and have her removed.

Immediately when I read this I thought she’d love that it’s about her. That hit home.

She’s given you many opportunities to end this relationship and you haven’t therefore I’ve voted you are being unreasonable. She doesn't live with you full time so clearly there’s somewhere else for her to go. Just dump her! She’s leaching off you financially and emotionally and this won’t be a happy ending. Money that should be spent on your kids ffs!

OP your relationship sounds like a teenagers relationship - full of drama, arguments, strops and sulks. Add to that the lying in bed until midday, you doing all the cooking and housework. But you are in your 30's and have kids! Aren't you embarrassed about just how immature it all seems? Living with her Grandparents? Not working? Sulking?

Yes I am embarrassed only one of my friends know she doesn’t have a job and I’ve told my family she works from home

ive gave her a lot of job ops from industry friends and she says she’s too anxious and overwhelmed

Let her go. Change your locks if necessary. Just do it & do it now. You say are worried her reaction might end up with police involvement is surely enough to tell you to end it. Now.

But you can’t stay because of how she will be when you end it - what life is that?

You have to be careful thats true - abusive relationships are more dangerous when you’re ending them - but just do it and then stay resolutely and strongly no contact. Ignore and block any communication attempts and she will run out of steam and go trap the next victim

This alone would make me want to end things asap and never have anything to do with her again.

You know this relationship can’t continue and will eventually end but the longer you leave it, the worse it will be.

Keep a record of everything and report to the police.
Its only been 10 months and so she’ll come across as a crazy stalker.
But the longer you leave it, the more people may think she’s got a point for feeling so upset.

Now you sound like her Mum!
It isn't a relationship - it's all sorts of wrong. Please think of your children and stop this madness.