New GF taking the piss?

[Vaglodger]

I’ve NC as I’ve recently posted a thread and it may be outing if the two are linked.

new relationship, 10 months in, nobody is happy for me. FWIW I’m in a WLW relationship and feel this has influenced my families opinions HOWEVER

I am starting to feel like an absolute doormat. GF likely has undiagnosed MH conditions suspected bipolar and/or autism. Her moods are uncontrollable and she’s extremely reactive. Not violent, but sulky, depressed, suicidal ideology, cold, stroppy, shouts huffs puffs etc.

she doesn’t work. I’m “well off” supposedly, and she comes from a tough background. I pay for everything. She says she can’t get on her feet and get a job as MH too much. I’m taking her on holiday in August. She lives in my home when DC are with ex. She’s on benefits so has to make that stretch. Doesn’t pay for any dates, outings, food shop etc. I can recall 4 times where she’s contributed to something.

she says I have a bad attitude (I don’t believe I do but it could be possible I suppose), thinks I lie about absolutely trivial things and when we talk it through admits she’s paranoid.

if she has a bad day, I can’t have one for a while otherwise we “don’t work” and it’s “too much”. Whereas my bad day just consists of me not being super enthusiastic and/or cooking 3 meals a day for her and I’ll opt for a takeout. Her bad day is everybody in her path gets some kind of attitude or criticism and she tells me she sees no point in life.

she won’t support me through anything difficult and says it’s not her circus not her monkeys, this can range from anything really. However alls I do is support her, offer job opportunities, therapy, take her out if she’s low, gifts etc.

She doesn’t do much around the house as far as cleaning. Or much for me in general unless ask for help. She’s said in the past I should ask instead of expecting her to know. I find it quite rude for me to be doing HER washing, cooking, ironing, putting away, breakfast in bed etc while she lies in bed until midday and then if I ask her to take the dog for a quick walk or help clean up it’s an issue and “she needs to relax”

reason for the thread is she’s fallen out with me today as she said having exdp in my life (as in, our children’s lives) is too much and she really dislikes him and won’t have him infringing on our relationship so it needs to change (we only communicate about dc or joint admin). I’m starting to think wtf do I get out of the relationship anyway?

I know this comes off as I don’t like her very much, but I do. She’s very funny, i don’t believe she’s a bad person, she’s incredibly good looking and sex is amazing.

obviously she’s not met dc.

people close to me keep saying wtf am I doing but I cant help but want to make it work. I really struggle with endings. In my heart I know what I should do but it seems impossible.

i just needed to vent I suppose, I feel completely disrespected, undervalued (she says she does but she’s not good with words) and taken for a fool

Interestingly, she would - and does - argue that she isn’t putting her needs first I.e me having a bad day means she has to listen to me vent and that’s not fair on her as she has her own struggles. It’s all very me me me tbh but she would say the same. She says her spending time with me is showing complete devotion as she wouldn’t do that for anyone. I wouldn’t say it to her, but I often think wtf else would you be doing other than lying in bed if you weren’t spending all this time?

Jesus Christ OP what the fuck are you doing. This person sounds like a dangerous psychopath from your subsequent posts.

I know for sure this would turn into something I’d have to involve the police in and I can’t deal with it right now.

Holy hell, what’s wrong with you???!!! If finishing with her will mean police involvement then you damn well need to prioritise it and get it done right away. This will only get worse and quite possibly become more dangerous. Life threatening even. Are you willing to do that to your kids?! If you don’t value yourself, surely you value them?

Frankly, the red flags were all over this from the beginning but you seem to have stuck your head in the sand and now it’s going to be much harder. End it, and use the money you’re pissing away on her to pay for some decent therapy for yourself.

You know you need to end it. Stop putting it off. You are only making things worse by doing nothing.

This will never happen.
You're in love with who you want her to be not the person in front of you.
Get some self respect and move on.

I’ve saw her pissed off with people who’ve “wronged” her, she makes A LOT of threats but I’ve never saw her carry them out. Whether that’s because I talk her out of it or not I don’t know. But she does has the potential to be dangerous, unless she’s all talk?

It’s not “interesting” at all

stop trying to to make this out to be anything other than a sordid 10 month shitshow with good sex.

I will repeat… parent and adult the fu@k up

I agree with the general consensus of the responses here, but I’m trying to picture it in real life. It’s not going to be as easy as “just ending it”

1. For the fall out and 2. Because I AM a very emotional person and will struggle. I know I’ll get over it but I’m very what-if minded and worry a lot

What potential, though? There are people out there being nice and helpful to other people right now, like you are to her. That's what you deserve.

She’s a psycho. Move on.

This may sound ridiculous, but could anybody give me a “script” to go off if and when I end it?

realistic please, I am a gentle person and don’t want to rock the boat

She has no money and lives with her grandparents op

what fall out? She cries and shouts? Who gives a damn. Block her

you won’t

it will stagger on and you will continue to post multiple threads about it

Tell you what op

imagine she’s behaving like this to one of your children

does that even galvanise you?

ANYONE is better than being with someone like this.

Literally walk down the street and pick out the first person you see and they’ll be better than this.

I will never understand peoples desperation in thinking that being in a shitty relationship like this is better than being alone.

End it and be happy single.
Then find someone who you’re not constantly walking on egg shells around or being taken for a mug.

Suggest counselling to get to the bottom of why you are prepared to be used and treated so badly.

I swear op you get your kicks from starting threads about this relationship on mymsnet

Continually told to finish it

but you just nc and start more

oh and I know you have introduced to your children. Reason you’re denying on this thread is that you’ve been pulled apart on other threads for introducing almost immediately

She’d potentially have my car/belongjngs smashed up, persist, have her friends watch me from afar on social media, maybe threaten me, conspire against me, paint a picture that I’ve destroyed her at the lowest point of her life etc. if history were to repeat itself!

OP she isn't good for you and you aren't good for her. There's no love in your relationship. She must drain you when she's around.

It's a bit shocking seeing all that written down and knowing you don't feel able to end things - this is pretty basic. She's abusive. She's told you herself she emotionally dominates her partners. You are no different here. She's been manipulating you. Your priority needs to be getting yourself into a place where you feel able to end things.

What are you actually talking about Sherlock? It’s the first time I’ve posted about it. MNHQ could confirm.

Fucking hell. You really, really need to get shot @Vaglodger.

I'm not sure why you've posted, despite all the red flags pointed out, you make excuses not to end it with her. Why post for advice?

Sorry OP, but I'm afraid I think you're being a bit pathetic. You clearly have strength of character if you can manage being a mother, and run several businesses at the same time. You managed to end the relationship that you had with your children's father, and yet you can't tell this woman that the relationship is over??

You also say that if you end it and block her, you would end up having to involve the police. Has this woman got something over you? You sound like you're afraid of her for some reason? Are you openly gay now, or are you afraid that she's going to 'out you' to people who you don't want to know about your sexuality? Also, if she lives with her grandparents, I'm guessing she's not as old as you are? So, come on, pull yourself together, and tell this controlling bitch, that the gravy train has come to an end, and it's time for her to move on, before you end up ruining your life, just for some good sex!

I’ve NC as I’ve recently posted a thread

in any event, you are very identifiable op

trust me… many of us know that you’ve started many threads on this

and yes… you have introduced your children. Almost immediately. And you were shredded for it so you have learned to keep that on the low down

If one of your children was in a relationship with someone like this, what would your advice to them be??

You completely skipped this bit.

I think because she’s shown me who she is from the start, and I’ve chosen not to believe her, for me to end it now is sort of “well I told you how it was so now you’ve let me get deep into it and dropped me”

if that makes sense? She’d act like I’d led her on

Attention and drama