New GF taking the piss?

[Vaglodger]

I’ve NC as I’ve recently posted a thread and it may be outing if the two are linked.

new relationship, 10 months in, nobody is happy for me. FWIW I’m in a WLW relationship and feel this has influenced my families opinions HOWEVER

I am starting to feel like an absolute doormat. GF likely has undiagnosed MH conditions suspected bipolar and/or autism. Her moods are uncontrollable and she’s extremely reactive. Not violent, but sulky, depressed, suicidal ideology, cold, stroppy, shouts huffs puffs etc.

she doesn’t work. I’m “well off” supposedly, and she comes from a tough background. I pay for everything. She says she can’t get on her feet and get a job as MH too much. I’m taking her on holiday in August. She lives in my home when DC are with ex. She’s on benefits so has to make that stretch. Doesn’t pay for any dates, outings, food shop etc. I can recall 4 times where she’s contributed to something.

she says I have a bad attitude (I don’t believe I do but it could be possible I suppose), thinks I lie about absolutely trivial things and when we talk it through admits she’s paranoid.

if she has a bad day, I can’t have one for a while otherwise we “don’t work” and it’s “too much”. Whereas my bad day just consists of me not being super enthusiastic and/or cooking 3 meals a day for her and I’ll opt for a takeout. Her bad day is everybody in her path gets some kind of attitude or criticism and she tells me she sees no point in life.

she won’t support me through anything difficult and says it’s not her circus not her monkeys, this can range from anything really. However alls I do is support her, offer job opportunities, therapy, take her out if she’s low, gifts etc.

She doesn’t do much around the house as far as cleaning. Or much for me in general unless ask for help. She’s said in the past I should ask instead of expecting her to know. I find it quite rude for me to be doing HER washing, cooking, ironing, putting away, breakfast in bed etc while she lies in bed until midday and then if I ask her to take the dog for a quick walk or help clean up it’s an issue and “she needs to relax”

reason for the thread is she’s fallen out with me today as she said having exdp in my life (as in, our children’s lives) is too much and she really dislikes him and won’t have him infringing on our relationship so it needs to change (we only communicate about dc or joint admin). I’m starting to think wtf do I get out of the relationship anyway?

I know this comes off as I don’t like her very much, but I do. She’s very funny, i don’t believe she’s a bad person, she’s incredibly good looking and sex is amazing.

obviously she’s not met dc.

people close to me keep saying wtf am I doing but I cant help but want to make it work. I really struggle with endings. In my heart I know what I should do but it seems impossible.

i just needed to vent I suppose, I feel completely disrespected, undervalued (she says she does but she’s not good with words) and taken for a fool

This is a very good point

If one of your children was in a relationship with someone like this, what would your advice to them be??
What would happen if you didn’t wash, cook and clean up after her? Would you still seem as attractive to her if you weren’t her servant with a purse?

You can get great sex, looks and a funny person with a myriad of other people too. You just haven't met them yet. This person gives you more grief than you get enjoyment. Life is short, move on with someone that'll make you happier.

God this feels exactly the case. I feel quite emotional actually.

she already kind of controls me somewhat. What I can or can’t post on socials (without some kind of reaction) and she’s admittedly a jealous person

Why do you want to live like that? For a good shag and a few laughs.

Come on, sort yourself out. You can't be that daft surely.

You might want things to be different . She doesn’t .

You deserve better . When does she leave for kids return . If you think it’s going to be volatile - maybe wait till she has gone - change the locks - as guessing she has the key

This will sound insufferable, but I know I’m also very good looking. I used to model and I think due to this she sees a lot of “competition”

she’s said that she’s shocked she hasn’t been able to “grab every cell of my mind” and she usually has complete dominance over people and that’s why she likes me, because I’m intellectually and emotionally stronger.

but the truth is I don’t feel at all emotionally strong and certainly not to end it

?

I’m curious where she lives and how she supports herself as presumably your children are with you at least 50% of the time?

Half of the time

She doesn’t. She lives with her grandparents

I had a friend in a relationship EXACTLY like this and it drained the life out of her.

Every time she said she would be somewhere with her group of friends she was always late and had clearly been arguing and crying because even seeing friends was such a battle. She would walk on eggshells constantly about what anyone could say in front of her partner if out together because of the potential reaction and repercussions.

She lost so many friends because her girlfriend created issues and distance and made my friend fall out with them over perceived slights at the partner or forced her to get offended over things they did/said.

She had a daughter from a previous relationship and she tried to one up that relationship constantly - if you spend £x on daughter you must spend >£x on me. If you buy daughter a gift, I must also get a gift. If you take daughter on holiday, we must go somewhere better for longer.

She was also younger than my friend and very attractive which always drew my friend back in. Eventually enough was enough and it ended catastrophically and devastatingly. But my friend then met someone equally gorgeous and great in bed and also grounded and kind and loving and mature and is SO much happier now.

There is someone out there who deserves you and your obvious kindness and attentiveness and generosity to a partner. And it is not this leech!

So where does she go and how does she support herself for 50% of the time?

She sounds dangerous to be honest!

So she's totally unhinged, sounds like a sociopath to me. She literally told you she wants to control your mind. Add to that she's leeching, trying to ruin your amicable coparenting relationship and is a lazy, nasty person. The sex can't be that good!!??

"can't deal with right now"

So instead stay in a super toxic situation with a volcano and hope its fine - because "can't deal with that right now"

You have to know thats ridiculous yeah?

How old is she?
she is unemployed with no assets and kips between her grandparents and her girlfriends

all the money you are wasting on her that could Be going towards your family

you’re taking her on holiday? Don’t you think that it would have been better spent on… your children and their summer holidays?

This. The longer you wait the worse it will get.

OP you can already see that this relationship isn't right for you. You say you are not strong enough to end it, but for the sake of your children (and yourself!) you know you must. It will only get harder the longer it goes on, as PP have pointed out.

If you are worried about how she will react then make sure your friends and family know you are ending it, and when, so that someone can be on standby to support you if things get difficult. Can you think of any way to end it that won't result in things kicking off (even if you have to lie about why you are ending it)?

I wish you all the best, you definitely deserve better than this.

I wouldn’t want this person in my family home
I wouldn’t want them in the vicinity of my children’s home
I wouldn’t be spending a penny on them op

op… it’s all a bit pathetic really. Parent and adult the f* k up

She is 37.

My DC want for nothing and will be going on multiple holidays this year having already been on 2 with another in 2 weeks.

I do realise I’m spending A LOT of money though and it is becoming a worry.

I am ND myself so I really struggle with ending things, I’m working on this in therapy but to no avail.

wondering if I should get the August holiday out the way and see from there? But I know it likely won’t change

Sorry but this sounds like it’s either just casual or has to end. She’s doesn’t sound right for a relationship, you don’t sound compatible on major issues such as future children and she’s giving major red flags.

In bending over backwards to meet her needs yours are being forgotten and that’s not healthy in any relationship.

As pp says every penny or drop of energy you waste on her could be going to your children or you.

What does this person give to you that's positive...me id be changing the locks and blocking them.

Sorry but reading this thread is like watching a horror film

Step away. Practise what you are going to say - probably in a public place. Don’t allow this person access to your home. Items can be collected from the front door. With a friend or family member to support you.
If you can’t do it for yourself do it for you children. Imagine your partner treating your children they way you are treated and hach f them feel how you feel. Maybe that will help.