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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

New GF taking the piss?

207 replies

Vaglodger · 01/06/2025 20:30

I’ve NC as I’ve recently posted a thread and it may be outing if the two are linked.

new relationship, 10 months in, nobody is happy for me. FWIW I’m in a WLW relationship and feel this has influenced my families opinions HOWEVER

I am starting to feel like an absolute doormat. GF likely has undiagnosed MH conditions suspected bipolar and/or autism. Her moods are uncontrollable and she’s extremely reactive. Not violent, but sulky, depressed, suicidal ideology, cold, stroppy, shouts huffs puffs etc.

she doesn’t work. I’m “well off” supposedly, and she comes from a tough background. I pay for everything. She says she can’t get on her feet and get a job as MH too much. I’m taking her on holiday in August. She lives in my home when DC are with ex. She’s on benefits so has to make that stretch. Doesn’t pay for any dates, outings, food shop etc. I can recall 4 times where she’s contributed to something.

she says I have a bad attitude (I don’t believe I do but it could be possible I suppose), thinks I lie about absolutely trivial things and when we talk it through admits she’s paranoid.

if she has a bad day, I can’t have one for a while otherwise we “don’t work” and it’s “too much”. Whereas my bad day just consists of me not being super enthusiastic and/or cooking 3 meals a day for her and I’ll opt for a takeout. Her bad day is everybody in her path gets some kind of attitude or criticism and she tells me she sees no point in life.

she won’t support me through anything difficult and says it’s not her circus not her monkeys, this can range from anything really. However alls I do is support her, offer job opportunities, therapy, take her out if she’s low, gifts etc.

She doesn’t do much around the house as far as cleaning. Or much for me in general unless ask for help. She’s said in the past I should ask instead of expecting her to know. I find it quite rude for me to be doing HER washing, cooking, ironing, putting away, breakfast in bed etc while she lies in bed until midday and then if I ask her to take the dog for a quick walk or help clean up it’s an issue and “she needs to relax”

reason for the thread is she’s fallen out with me today as she said having exdp in my life (as in, our children’s lives) is too much and she really dislikes him and won’t have him infringing on our relationship so it needs to change (we only communicate about dc or joint admin). I’m starting to think wtf do I get out of the relationship anyway?

I know this comes off as I don’t like her very much, but I do. She’s very funny, i don’t believe she’s a bad person, she’s incredibly good looking and sex is amazing.

obviously she’s not met dc.

people close to me keep saying wtf am I doing but I cant help but want to make it work. I really struggle with endings. In my heart I know what I should do but it seems impossible.

i just needed to vent I suppose, I feel completely disrespected, undervalued (she says she does but she’s not good with words) and taken for a fool

OP posts:
Teanbiscuits33 · 01/06/2025 22:18

Sorry, just read 10 months in! Get rid of this leech. What a cheek of her.

Geepee71 · 01/06/2025 22:20

It's already been mentioned, but if you're going to get silent treatment, this is prime time to suggest she goes home to cool off and you suggest that you both spend time considering if the relationship is right for you both.

Suggest you each take a couple of weeks apart to really consider what you want.
She will realise she's about to lose meal ticket and might turn into a considerate person for a while.

Tell her that you are clearly affecting her MH and can't give her want she want/needs, so best to call it quits.

lisaolay · 01/06/2025 22:23

Vaglodger · 01/06/2025 20:30

I’ve NC as I’ve recently posted a thread and it may be outing if the two are linked.

new relationship, 10 months in, nobody is happy for me. FWIW I’m in a WLW relationship and feel this has influenced my families opinions HOWEVER

I am starting to feel like an absolute doormat. GF likely has undiagnosed MH conditions suspected bipolar and/or autism. Her moods are uncontrollable and she’s extremely reactive. Not violent, but sulky, depressed, suicidal ideology, cold, stroppy, shouts huffs puffs etc.

she doesn’t work. I’m “well off” supposedly, and she comes from a tough background. I pay for everything. She says she can’t get on her feet and get a job as MH too much. I’m taking her on holiday in August. She lives in my home when DC are with ex. She’s on benefits so has to make that stretch. Doesn’t pay for any dates, outings, food shop etc. I can recall 4 times where she’s contributed to something.

she says I have a bad attitude (I don’t believe I do but it could be possible I suppose), thinks I lie about absolutely trivial things and when we talk it through admits she’s paranoid.

if she has a bad day, I can’t have one for a while otherwise we “don’t work” and it’s “too much”. Whereas my bad day just consists of me not being super enthusiastic and/or cooking 3 meals a day for her and I’ll opt for a takeout. Her bad day is everybody in her path gets some kind of attitude or criticism and she tells me she sees no point in life.

she won’t support me through anything difficult and says it’s not her circus not her monkeys, this can range from anything really. However alls I do is support her, offer job opportunities, therapy, take her out if she’s low, gifts etc.

She doesn’t do much around the house as far as cleaning. Or much for me in general unless ask for help. She’s said in the past I should ask instead of expecting her to know. I find it quite rude for me to be doing HER washing, cooking, ironing, putting away, breakfast in bed etc while she lies in bed until midday and then if I ask her to take the dog for a quick walk or help clean up it’s an issue and “she needs to relax”

reason for the thread is she’s fallen out with me today as she said having exdp in my life (as in, our children’s lives) is too much and she really dislikes him and won’t have him infringing on our relationship so it needs to change (we only communicate about dc or joint admin). I’m starting to think wtf do I get out of the relationship anyway?

I know this comes off as I don’t like her very much, but I do. She’s very funny, i don’t believe she’s a bad person, she’s incredibly good looking and sex is amazing.

obviously she’s not met dc.

people close to me keep saying wtf am I doing but I cant help but want to make it work. I really struggle with endings. In my heart I know what I should do but it seems impossible.

i just needed to vent I suppose, I feel completely disrespected, undervalued (she says she does but she’s not good with words) and taken for a fool

This person is awful get rid.

lisaolay · 01/06/2025 22:24

Vaglodger · 01/06/2025 20:57

Interestingly, she would - and does - argue that she isn’t putting her needs first I.e me having a bad day means she has to listen to me vent and that’s not fair on her as she has her own struggles. It’s all very me me me tbh but she would say the same. She says her spending time with me is showing complete devotion as she wouldn’t do that for anyone. I wouldn’t say it to her, but I often think wtf else would you be doing other than lying in bed if you weren’t spending all this time?

I know a guy like this such a turn off. Lying in bed all the time. Run

Iamnotalemming · 01/06/2025 22:26

You sound desperately unhappy. Just end it.

If you are worried about her kicking off, suggest you tell her over the phone and them pack any of her stuff up for her and say you'll take it to her grandparents. Don't let her come back to your home.

Change the locks. Put your socials on private. Block her number if necessary.

Do not put this off. Good luck.

Icanttakethisanymore · 01/06/2025 22:29

LTB. Do it.

Serpentstooth · 01/06/2025 22:32

Don't try to mend broken people OP. It's not your job and it won't work. According to your account, you benefit not at all from this 'relationship'. Stop spending money on her and spend it on therapy for yourself. It will be an investment that will repay you.

SunnyViper · 01/06/2025 22:33

she sounds like a total sponger.

lisaolay · 01/06/2025 22:33

10 months is nothing just get out of it. Seriously, ive met a freeloading leech like this manipulative, dirty, he kept it under wraps i didnt really see it in the first few months. Caused me so much trouble. I do not have any social media media now, changed my phone number and I moved. I was moving anyway. People like this need to avoided at all costs.

Hedgingmybetching · 01/06/2025 22:36

OP as gently as possible you are in a very abusive relationship that you want to leave but are afraid to. You need to speak to women's aid, and also speak to friends and family, get as much support as you can to get out. Do not go on holiday with her in August. You need to get this person out of you and your childrens lives. I am so sorry you are going through this. Xx

But please don't let this person back, there is no good time to do this, the longer you leave it the harder it will be to leave, she'll drain the life out of you.

ShiningStar3 · 01/06/2025 22:47

Let this one go. Your circumstances are much too different and it's not fair on either of you; staying will likely end in resentment.

somethingbeginningwithb · 01/06/2025 22:51

I had one like this many years ago when my self-esteem was in tatters following a bereavement. It took me way too long to see past the good looks, chemistry and charisma, and to realise that if I stuck with this moody, domestically hopeless, selfish, lazy drama llama I'd be walking on eggshells and looking after him for the rest of my life. She's with you because you make her life easy and validate her fragile ego. Get out now.

Wherearemymarbles · 01/06/2025 22:52

Op, if I was your ex dp and saw your posts I’d be at my solicitors 9am tomorrow morning asking them to arrange a court hearing in order to grant me full custody.

Sure your partner may have her issues but you are 100% not right in the head. Surely your children deserve better than this.

Lucythesquirrel · 01/06/2025 22:52

You have literally listed all the negatives about this person and seem to only be with her because ‘she’s incredibly good looking and the sex is amazing’. One day she won’t be good looking, and the sex won’t be amazing, and you will realise how you have wasted your life with someone who quite clearly takes the absolute p out of you. The people those who care about you aren’t happy for you because they can see this. Dump her before it’s too late and you lose all of them. Good luck x

Vaxtable · 01/06/2025 22:58

You need to stop seeing her

honeylulu · 01/06/2025 22:59

I’m holding out hope for her potential, which could be great if she’d get a hold of herself

Oh she has a hold of herself all right. She knows exactly what she's doing. The question is ... why are you letting her?

DontTouchRoach · 01/06/2025 23:03

What on earth are you doing with this absolute horror of a woman? She’s fucking awful. She’s a nasty, unstable, abusive scrounging bitch and you’re literally afraid of her. You’d be mad to carry on any kind of relationship with her under any circumstances, but even more mad when you have kids.

Im actually stunned at how naive you are. You think she has ‘potential’? Good grief. One, she hasn’t and two, she’s supposed to be your girlfriend, not some sort of renovation project. You’ve been seeing her for about five minutes and she’s already making your life a misery.

StormInaDcup99 · 01/06/2025 23:04

She's a fannylodger

FOJN · 01/06/2025 23:10

I’m holding out hope for her potential, which could be great if she’d get a hold of herself

She doesn't need to "get a hold of herself", she is in complete control of herself and, it seems, of you. . The emotional volatility is pure manipulation.

I know for sure this would turn into something I’d have to involve the police in and I can’t deal with it right now.

Surely not being able to end the relationship without it leading to police involvement is the biggest of red flags.

I know the word narcissist is thrown around like confetti these days but so much of what you have written strongly suggests she is one. You need to get away from her before she ruins your life.

ClairDeLaLune · 01/06/2025 23:10

Dump dump dump. OP if you cannot see that you need to do this when it’s so obvious to everyone on here then you need help. Please consider counselling.

AgingLikeGazpacho · 01/06/2025 23:10

Better to end it now otherwise it might get increasingly awkward trying to break up around your anniversary (and adds a whole extra layer of emotion into it from her).

This relationship will end at some point, better for her to smash up your car now than to watch her destroy your relationships with your friends, family, ex... and then proceed to smash up your car at a later date!

MissSookieStackhouse · 01/06/2025 23:11

Maybe nobody is happy for you, or supportive of your relationship because you’ve hooked up with a selfish, lazy, freeloading leech who sounds dangerously unstable? Do yourself a favour, get rid now. Don’t wait till August!

Idiotoverhere · 01/06/2025 23:12

Is this your first lesbian relationship?
Asking from experience here so will reply further once you respond

BusyBeatle · 01/06/2025 23:15

Run, just run. Very fast and very far

healthybychristmas · 01/06/2025 23:15

Come on, OP, show some bloody gumption here and dump this user. Do you really think you need someone like this in your life?